Take casseroles, for example. Congregations have organized the sharing of consecrated casseroles for decades. If you have a new baby, if you are recovering from surgery, if you are new neighbor – and you are part of a church community – chances are that somebody will bring you a casserole.
To be perfectly honest, it may not be a casserole these days. It could be a pizza from a local restaurant or it could even be a gift card to Panera. But the casserole is classic.
I know a church that found itself in a paradigm shift over casseroles and it went like this:
- The older ladies wanted to take casseroles to moms with new babies in their congregation.
- The new moms were grateful for the gesture.
- The older ladies baked those casseroles (and side dishes) using their best heirloom china because that’s how their generation expressed lavish hospitality. You serve your best recipes in your best dishes.
- The new moms were extremely anxious that 1) they’d break the heirloom china and 2) they’d have to wash the serving pieces and then pack up the baby with the heirloom china and then return the heirlooms to the donor. Imagine the added anxiety if mom had given birth to twins and there were two babies to get into car seats. With heirloom china.
- The older ladies believed that the new moms felt isolated and so they often stayed for an hour or so, during which they offered tips to the new moms on how to clean their houses and take care of themselves and the baby.
- The new moms felt too tired for a long visit. And housekeeping/self-care/baby-care tips made them feel judged.
An intervention was required.
After some friction between the heirloom china ladies and the new moms, someone approached a church leader to ask if the new moms might come up with a list of helpful suggestions for anyone volunteering to provide a meal for future new moms or families in need. “Great idea!” said the church leader. And so they did:
- Please call before dropping by.
- Please ask about allergies or food restrictions.
- Please bring meals in disposable containers.
Some of the older ladies felt hurt and angry.
- They dropped off meals when they were out running errands and they didn’t know exactly when they’d be stopping by.
- They don’t understand what’s up with all these peanut allergies and “nursing mothers should be eating meat.”
- They thought disposable containers were tacky.
This is perhaps an extreme example of generational changes in assumptions that require honest conversation and grace. When the culture shifts, it doesn’t mean that the old ways were bad; it’s just that things have changed in terms of convenience and norms.
And the point of sharing meals with those in need is that it’s about those in need, right? It might make us feel good to offer this service, but it’s not about us. Another paradigm shift:
And another one:
We make cultural changes not for the sake of making changes. We make cultural changes and paradigm shifts for the sake of others: the ones not yet with us, the ones with the most pressing needs, the ones who are new/hurt/on the fringe.
21st Century Church leaders do not focus on the ABCs (attendance, building, and cash.) We focus on the NOPs (the neighbors, organizational structure, and paradigm shifts.) Yes, this is old news in this year of our LORD 2015. But we still need little reminders.
Get out there and be the church! And consider taking somebody a meal in disposable dishes.