Monthly Archives: January 2023

Ouch.

This op-ed by Jessica Grose in yesterday’s New York Times rings true for many clergywomen – and many professional women in general. In referring to disgraced former billionaire Sam Bankman-Fried and his casual clothing style, Grose writes:

Every time I read the news and see Bankman-Fried’s unkempt visage, I’m filled with just a little bit more rage, because I know — women know — that investors would never entrust a young woman looking this sloppy with a single cent, much less billions …

Women of every age are treated differently from men, and by different, I’m not talking about general gender norms. I’m talking about how seriously we are considered in terms of our gifts and skills compared to men. What I am not saying: that women are always discounted. What I am saying: that women are often discounted. This happens at every age.

I remember the very first benediction I proclaimed on my first Sunday in my first church after ordination and in that breath between the Amen of the last verse of the last hymn and my first benedictory word, I heard one church member stage-whisper to another church member, “She can’t be a day over 16.” (I was 28.) Twenty years later I was identified by two young colleagues as a crone. I was 48. (For the record, they told me it was a compliment.)

In spite of what Lauren Pasquarella Daley says in Grose’s article, I believe that it’s not only possible for leaders of all genders to be both competent and likable, the most effective leaders actually are both. Excellent 21st Century leaders are emotionally intelligent, authentic, trustworthy, and capable. It frankly doesn’t matter if you are male, female, nonbinary, single or married, with or without children, or of whatever age.

And yet, I just yesterday talked with a young clergywoman who shared her experiences of being a young pastor who happens to have children and how hard it has been to be taken seriously as a competent professional minister. As a 60-something clergywoman, I have experienced – more than once – a male pastor explaining the sermon I had just preached to his congregation as if I hadn’t been clear.

Folks, it happens every day. And yet . . .

Those who discount anybody whom God calls to serve in whatever profession, in whatever kind of body are the ones missing out. God is up to something. I see it where I serve in Charlotte. I see it in our neighboring towns and in rural communities. I see it via friends in Chicago and D.C. and San Francisco. God is calling competent and likeable leaders who might be called babes or hags or something in between. Whatever. God is doing a new thing. God is using us all for more than an hour – or even a season.

Let’s stop judging each other based on age. We are the ones losing out when we confuse age (or gender) with effectiveness.

Image is from the July 2016 Conference of The Young Clergy Women Project, Boston University taken by Sarah Hooker and used with permission. Read more about the YCWP here.

You save humans and animals alike, O Lord. Psalm 36:6b

Did you see what happened in Scarborough, England on New Year’s Eve? A lost walrus (nicknamed Thor) was found resting in the Scarborough harbor and – after consulting with Marine Life Professionals – the town council decided to cancel their fireworks program for the sake of the walrus’ welfare.

A representative from the Scarborough Borough Council said on December 31st:

“We have taken the decision to cancel tonight’s New Year’s Eve fireworks display on the advice of British Divers Marine Life Rescue because of the arrival of the walrus ‘Thor’ in the harbour. There are concerns that the display could cause distress to the mammal.” Source.

Scarborough is a city of about 108,000 citizens. They had been planning the fireworks event for about six months. They had already purchased the fireworks out of the annual budget. And then they canceled to protect a walrus.

This is extraordinary. Most of us are concerned primarily with our own distress, our personal inconvenience, our individual discomfort.

Not only would most of us not miss out on a party for the sake of a walrus, many of us resented wearing face masks to protect our neighbors from covid.

What I believe about the atonement is that Jesus died to show the depths of God’s love for us. We who claim Jesus as our Savior are sometimes slow to make personal sacrifices beyond the easy ones. Most of us do not give to those in need in ways that involve authentic sacrifice on our parts. Most of us are annoyed by being personally inconvenienced even if what’s inconvenient to us is life-saving to someone else.

Whether we are talking about canceling fireworks for the sake of a confused animal or postponing a football game out of respect for a seriously hurt player, it’s often the right and good thing to do. Re: that football game.

Loving sacrifices include

• Stepping away from a leadership position we love for the sake of allowing fresh leadership,
• Surrendering the need to control a mission project we love for the sake of equipping new volunteers,
• Choosing to refrain from replacing our car this year in order to make a more generous donation to mission,
• Shifting our schedule in order to sit with a grieving neighbor,
• Going out of our way to turn someone else’s mess into an opportunity to relieve them even a little bit.

Jesus spoke words about the loving sacrifice of giving our lives for the sake of others. Sometimes all it takes to love someone sacrificially is to be willing to be inconvenienced for one night.

Resolutions might be short-lived, so I’m suggesting three spiritual practices that assume there’s grace when we mess up. What’s not new about 2023 is that political and theological divides continue and all of us are worse for it. And so, in the spirit of fresh starts, here are three spiritual practices I’m trying for the New Year and I hope you’ll join me.

1. Stop lumping people together as if everything is binary. There are more than two political perspectives (conservative and liberal.) There are more than two theological perspectives (conservative and liberal.) There are more than two ways to raise children (the right way and the wrong way), consume global news (my cable and your cable), and eat healthy (all the meat, no meat. ) It’s lazy to lump all ____ in a single lot as in: “Democrats care less about stranded passengers than they do about gaining more federal control over the airline industry.” WSJ op-ed 12-28-22 or “The Republicans chose to (back Trump) because they wanted power.” (NYT op-ed 12-3-22) I know. I know. You intellectually believe that it’s actually true that all Democrats are about federal control or all Republicans are about gaining power. I’m not sure it’s true for all Democrats or Republicans. Power is everybody’s god.
2. Stop saying “I absolutely hate ___” as in “I hate Nancy Pelosi” or “I hate Donald Trump” or “I hate evangelical Republicans” or “I hate godless Democrats.” I have friends and family members who routinely say these words in spite of their Christian identity. What God hates is performative faithfulness.
3. Stop writing people off. I get that it’s healthy to steer clear of anyone who has abused us or threatened us. Don’t get even. Get therapy. And yet if someone appears to be everything we disagree with, it doesn’t mean they are the embodiment of everything we disagree with.The beauty part of being in politically, socio-economically diverse church is that we are literally in a community of people with whom we would never be friends without that church connection.

So here’s the kicker: if you are part of a church that lumps people together, that spews hate towards certain humans, that writes people off . . . maybe you need a new church in 2023. Jesus was the living manifestation of a faith that sees people as individual children of God, that calls followers to pray for our enemies, that offers grace to the most unlikely candidates.

Let’s be more like Jesus in 2023.

Image from The St. John’s Bible illustrated by Donald Jackson (completed in 2011)

Many worship leaders (including this one) love lots of candles to create ambience. Lighting a candle to remember, honor, or pray for another is one of the most common spiritual practices throughout the religious world. And candles are only growing in popularity according to manufacturers. Raise your hand if you gave or received a candle for Christmas.

“Why is there a candle for everything?” asked Anna Kodé of The New York Times in December.

There is indeed a candle for almost every olfactory need: cheese, cinnamon rolls, fresh cut grass, bacon and Gwyneth Paltrow’s private parts. (It sold out quickly on her website which I don’t feel comfortable hyperlinking here.) There are candles promising balance, harmony, self-confidence and sex appeal.

Candles have been part of religious rites for thousands of years in almost every faith tradition. Before electricity, they were utilitarian. Now they are ‘meltable decor.” And in a world that needs to relax, candles offer opportunities for stopping and staring into the flame. They can also burn our houses down, so we need to stay mindfully relaxed.

You can order the Beeswax Magi and Baby Jesus shown here from Etsy although these candles seem like candidates for candles that you never actually light. The imagery of turbans on fire much less a flaming infant is not comforting. And yet someone decided that this particular mold might be inspiring through all Twelve Days of Christmas.

Creating sensory experiences is a common goal for those of us who lead spiritual communities. We are swiftly moving out of the season of handbells to hear, evergreens to smell, twinkling to see, cozy fabrics to touch, and favorite cookies to taste. These are the five senses that Aristotle taught us. But it’s clear that each of those senses are not lone experiences.

A candle feels warm, looks pretty, smells good, crackles ever so slightly, and might even put a specific taste in our mouths. Neuroscientists say that human beings actually have between 22 and 33 different senses including visceral senses (nociceptors) that signal possible disease in our internal organs or motor senses (proprioceptors) that help us move our feet without looking at them. Our senses all work together.

Quite a bit has been written about the importance of Relational Ministry in the 21st Century Church. How we treat each other makes a difference. Building community makes a difference.

And the physical atmosphere we create in church is also essential. How we make each other feel using all our senses is not just about superficial candlelight or soft music. The smells and sights and sounds and everything our other sensory experiences bring to mind give us moments of home and stories and the Holy.

Yes, there’s a candle for everything. Why do we have them in worship experiences? It’s an interesting conversation as we offer opportunities for authentic communion in 2023.

How are church candles connecting us to God and each other? And how are they not? Discuss.

Note: One of the saddest cultural shifts wrought by covid is the loss of blowing out the candles on a birthday cake. One of my brothers was a spitter and so some of us have been concerned for decades about this practice.