A Church for Starving Artists

Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.  Matthew 6:10

A friend of mine is dealing with a terrible chronic illness and it has changed the way she parents her child.  Big things are bigger.  Little things are essentially unimportant.  Crisis reorients the way we live.

Our nation and world have experienced enough crises over the last two months to bring us to our knees over and over again:  storms, fires, earthquakes, The Worst Mass Shooting in U.S. History (until next time.)

Does anyone doubt that there will be a next shooting that’s worse?  Does anyone doubt that there will be future natural and human-made disasters that will involve imperfect disaster relief?

What a difference A Tragedy makes (unless it doesn’t.)  

I remember the moment when I – simplistically – figured out that some Christians focus solely on personal piety and some Christians focus solely on corporate justice.  We all know people who beat the pavement for human rights but their personal lives are a shambles of their own making. We  have other friends whose personal lives are squeaky clean but they look the other way in terms of noticing inequality or oppression.

I am still shocked when self-professing Christians choose not to speak out against misogyny, racism, bullying, discrimination, and obvious evil involving our political leaders (even if we voted for those leaders.)  I wonder if we are reading the same Bibles.

God gets our attention in times of tragedy.  There are clearly people suffering after the hurricanes and fires.  There are clearly people whose lives have changed forever because of gun violence.  We are jolted into caring for people whose names we don’t know.  And yet we cannot seem to do more than offer those platitudinous thoughts and prayers.

• Is it that we don’t know what to do?
• Is it that we are overwhelmed with the breadth of the world’s troubles?
• Or is it that we have carpool today and then a work project and then choir practice and then laundry and then helping the kids with homework and we just can’t think about global things?

Is it that we who believe in God trust that God will take care of it?  I believe this is true too, but God often takes care of it through us.  It’s our calling/purpose in life to help make earth as it is in heaven.

Are these tragedies changing the way we live now?  Are we giving up a Starbucks or two so that we’ll have some loose change to send to a disaster relief organizations?  Are we talking in our churches and temples that we can do more as congregations?  Are we aware of the students in our local high schools who are terrified that their DACA status might be taken?  Are we informing our elected politicians when we observe that they are making or taking away legislation that hurts people?

How does our faith in God manifest itself in these days?  If nothing has changed for us in the way we live our daily lives in the last two months, why is that?

Images of Elogio Delle Mani by Paolo Delle Monache (2006) outside the chapel of the Bose Monastery in Magnano, Italy

After returning from Bose Monastery last week where I met many people whom I’d like to know better, SB suggested that I pick a few and recommend that you get to know them too – if only on social media.  They will expand your horizons and inspire your souls.  Also, most of them have the super power I covet:  they speak multiple languages.  Here we go . . .

Moumita Biswas is Executive Secretary of the All India Council of Christian Women in the National Council of Churches in India specializing in Gender Justice issues.  We should all know her because she is a funny and fearless kick ass leader who has experience working against human trafficking and other violence against women. And she has stories that shed light on the efforts that South Asian women are making every day to overcome cultural hurdles.

Julie Kandema serves as Vice President and Church Growth Coordinator of the Presbyterian Church of Rwanda.  If you’ve ever struggled with forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply, read about the reconciliation between Rwandans in light of the genocide of over one million Tutsi and moderate Hutu  in 1994. This ministry is no joke.  Julie’s entire being exudes calm and dignity.  We can learn so much from her and even in the throes of dealing with the soul-crushing, she has a light touch in relationships.

Fulata Moyo is Programme Executive for women in Church and Society at the World Council of Churches in Geneva.  She is an expert in Gender and Sexual Ethics, and she taught us how to prepare and eat caterpillars.  (Still not convinced but I would do almost anything else this woman told me to do.)  She is very funny and brilliant and you might be able to catch her speaking as a visiting scholar somewhere in the United States or beyond.  You would love her.

Rola Sleiman  made international news on February 26, 2017 when she became the first Arab woman ordained to the office of Minister of Word and Sacrament by the National Evangelical Synod of Syria and Lebanon.  She serves the Presbyterian Church in Tripoli, Lebanon. When I first spotted her at the conference in Italy, I was almost tongue-tied.  “Are you Rola Sleiman?”  (She is totally Church Famous but the most humble of Rock Stars.)  Also she is very funny. 

Liz Vuadi Vibila is a theologian, sociologist, and Presbyterian clergywoman from the Republic of the Congo.  She is currently a professor in Sri Lanka and a global expert in Education, Ethics, Gender, Health, Human Rights, Justice, Poverty, and Religion.  And she too is a funny and warm colleague.  

Are you noticing a pattern here?

Each of these leaders deal with heart-wrenching human issues every day, but they are neither morose nor hopeless about their ministry.  There is nothing funny about sexual violence or genocide.  But they are light-hearted.  They are funny in a warm way.  And their good humor balances life’s heaviness with life’s need to relate to each other.

Al Gini wrote in The Importance of Being Funny  “humor is a necessary ingredient in the ethical equation of learning to live with others.”  Such humor must be authentic and is never at the expense of others of course.  But we cannot deal with the crushing realities of life without being in relationship with each other.  And the five women I’ve mentioned here are also experts in connecting with people in ways that build community against the ravages of life.  Check them out.  They are each a sign of God’s grace.

PS The MacArthur Genius Grants were announced this morning.  We should know these people too. (AAM: Every day’s a school day.)

Image of some of my sisters from the Ecumenical Consultation on the Role of Women in the Church at the Bose Monastery in Magnano, Italy last week.

I’ve written about professional boundaries before but this article inspires me to talk about it further.  Just to be clear:

• Do not sleep with co-workers, subordinates, or people over whom you have power (Pastors: I’m talking about your parishioners, church visitors, wider Church committee members.)
• Do not share intimate details about your dating life, your sex life, or any other topic that makes you (the leader) “the patient.”
• Remember your role.

Having said this, we do not have to be tunnel-visioning, cold, dispassionate, secret-keeping, electric fence-building colleagues.  I am a fan of being friends with colleagues and subordinates.  There, I said it.

The difference between having no boundaries and having good boundaries is remembering our role.

Imagine these scenarios:

• Nobody in the office knows that your mother is having life-threatening surgery next week, so when your supervisor sends you to an out of town conference you miss being with your mother in the hospital.  And now, you are deeply but secretly until-that-moment-when-you-explode-four-months-from-now resentful.
• Nobody in your office knows that you are getting a divorce, so the day those papers are signed and you have three big projects to do there is no support, no encouragement, no chocolate on your desk.  And nobody knows not to bark at you when you seem distracted.
• Nobody in the office knows you have a dog so when your dog dies, it’s a big meh.

It’s not only okay to be friends (and not just “friendly”) in the office.  It’s essential for the health of the organization.

Sometimes I need to say, “I’m putting on my supervisor hat on” in the midst of a conversation about a colleague’s date last weekend when I need to stop and remind her that we need to get that report done.  I once was told by a colleague (as a friend) about her sick husband whose life-threatening situation she didn’t want to share with the rest of the church staff.  I think I said something like, “I’m putting my boss hat on now, and I need you to share this with the rest of the staff so that we can know his surgery schedule (for our church planning) and so we can know to bring you gift cards to your favorite salon.”

The world is harsh, mean, and dysfunctional.  Compassion-building is essential for a healthy team.  Read. The. Article.

And don’t be fake.

Image is by Odile Escolier of Jesus walking on water.  But I’d like to think that it’s also about getting into the boat with our people. (Bose Monastery, 2016)

Think about a time that you’ve been The First at something. 

Maybe you were the first person in your family to graduate from college.  Maybe you were  the first person under the age of 18 to receive a Nobel Peace Prize or the first woman to swim the English Channel.  Maybe you were the first person you know who perfected a homemade pie crust.

I just spent the last week with an extraordinary group of “Firsts.”  Many of us clergywomen – especially of a certain age – have been the first in some way:

• the first clergywoman someone ever heard preach
• the first clergywoman who serve as pastor of a particular church
• the first clergywoman to be Head of Staff of a particular congregation
• the first clergywoman to chair a certain committee or commission
• the first clergywoman to be ordained in your Presbytery, Diocese, Conference, or Association.

Among those at whose feet I sat last week included the first Baptist clergywoman ordained in Italy, the first Arab clergywoman to be ordained in any denomination in the Middle East, the first Presbyterian clergywoman ordained in Guyana, the first clergywoman to serve as Provincial Secretary of the Anglican Church of Kenya, the first clergywoman ordained in the Mennonite Church in Colombia, the first clergywoman to serve as Executive Secretary at National Council of Churches in India, the first clergywoman to serve as Vice President of the Presbyterian Church in Rwanda.  I could go on and on.

Being the first means being a pioneer, a risk-taker, a target.  Because women have been oppressed in blatant or subtle ways, we seem to step up more quickly to support others who are oppressed. This is one of many reasons why women make good leaders whether we are talking about church, politics, business or non-profits.  We know what it’s like not to have a voice.

(Note: This is also true for LGBTQ people and I also do not mean to exclude other genders in this post but the topic last week was specifically women.)

Almost all the women meeting in Magnano, Italy could speak about their experiences in being a pioneer, a risk taker, and a target because we have been all of those things.  Although women from Asia, South America, and Africa told more dramatic stories about being in danger as women and specifically as clergywomen, all of us – even from North America – have stories about being targets of harassment in the context of our ministry.

And so into this context we talked about the role of women in the Church.  There are many reasons why some denominations and traditions do not ordain women to the diaconate much less the priesthood  – but danger is one reason.

One clergywoman said that – in her country – it’s not safe for women to be out alone during the daytime, much less at night.  And so if there is a pastoral emergency after dark, no church would expect their female pastor to go out and address it . . . so they are more likely to call a male pastor.  In some cultures, it’s considered inappropriate for a woman to be alone with a man (or men) even in a business setting and so congregations do not want to call a pastor who cannot participate in meetings with the other pastors.

These are things that many clergywomen do not have to worry about.  Issues about the leadership of women in the Church are intersectional issues also dealing with violence, racism, and poverty.

I have many thoughts about last week, but this post is written to honor women throughout the world who take enormous risks to follow Christ’s call.  They are exploring a path with dangers beyond gossip and shunning.  They are occasionally told that they were not created in God’s image, unlike the men in their cities and villages.  And more often they are told that they – too – are indeed created in God’s image but they are rarely treated that way.

May God bless The Firsts, The Seconds, The Twentieths among us to serve Jesus.  It’s often a test of faith.

Image of the participants of the Ecumenical Consultation on the Role of Women in the Church at the Bose Monastery in Magnano, Italy last week.

The last time I traveled to Italy and Germany, I was in my early 20s and could get away with choppy attempts at asking how to get to the train station.  Now, it feels like I should be fluent in everything by virtue of my age and  life experience.

The truth is that I am not fluent in everything.  I’m not even fluent in most things.

It feels gross to need to ask someone in her own country if she speaks English so that I can buy dinner. Ugh.

(Note: If only My Dream Super Power – Universal Polyglotism – was real.)

Again: it feels gross to need for the locals to speak my language so that I can function in a land where I am a stranger and guest.  Who do I think I am?

The conference that brings me to Europe this time will be an All-English-Speaking event.  There will be guests from all over the world talking about the ordination of women and everyone will be multi-lingual – except for me and any other English Only Speakers who have been invited.  When we expect people to taper their daily living to meet our own needs, it smacks of entitlement and arrogance.  But on this trip, there are English speakers everywhere: in hotels, in restaurants, in shops, and even in the WCs.  Women who make very little money cleaning public toilets have more linguistic talents than I will ever have.

Get that woman a job with an international bank.

How is it that we expect people to speak our language but we feel no inclination to learn theirs?  And in their own nation?

People seem to appreciate it when I try.  While in Germany, I answered a question in Italian which is super impressive, except that I’m in Germany.  I find my high school Spanish kicking in, but again – I’m in Germany.  Someone actually answered me in Spanish today and then I had to say that I can’t even finish the conversation in what is probably her third language.

This is an issue of humility and grace.  Maybe we in the United States would all be speaking German now if we had lost World War II.  Maybe if computer languages had not been set in English, we’d be at a disadvantage.  Maybe the future will demand that everyone speak Mandarin.  Or Arabic.

The Church could learn so much from this issue.  Do we expect everyone to speak “Church”?  Surely we do not, if we are serious about welcoming new people to Christianity.

Do we expect everyone to cater to our own language requirements?  Or do we love them enough to want to try connecting on their terms?

As you read this, I will be meeting new friends for whom my way of being the Church is not in any way like theirs.  Will I work as hard as they are working to connect?  I hope so.

And when I get home, I’m starting Italian lessons.  Seriously.  I’m considering a move to Lake Como.  Or Positano.

You are dust, and to dust you shall return. Genesis 3:19

I never took a seminary class dealing with Spreading the Ashes.  And it shows.

Once – in the process of spreading Mrs. G in a church rose garden – a strong wind blew my way and Mrs. G landed in my nostrils, my mouth, and even in my ears.  I didn’t know Mrs. G in this life but we became one.  She is still in the creases of my robe.

In another situation, the ashes blew all over the family and not in a comforting way.

If you’ve ever been in possession of a loved one’s ashes, the decision about What To Do with Them can be an easy decision to postpone.  I have many friends with Mom, Dad, and the family dog in an urn in the bedroom closet beside the snow boots.

Spreading ashes so that they blow out with the wind feels unsettling.  We can’t control where they land.  Someone might sweep them away or rake them up.

It’s the ultimate in letting go.

I visit my parents’ graves about once a year in North Carolina.  I don’t believe they are really “there” but it’s nice to have a reference point to make a pilgrimage when necessary.  When ashes are spread, the pilgrimage is different.  It’s a moment looking at the ocean or into the garden and it seems more ethereal.

Ethereality is something I’m working on these days.  I am blessed to experience it on this journey to holy places in Italy and Germany.

*Please refrain from making comments naming names today. Thanks.

This will be my last post for several days.  I am traveling to Italy for a conference on the Ecumenical Perspectives on the Role of Women in the Church.

There are still some Christian traditions that don’t ordain women.  

It’s weird for me to type those words as a clergywoman who was ordained 33 years ago in a denomination that first ordained women the year I was born.  And I serve a denomination that not only ordains women, we ordain queer women (and queer men, for that matter, and trans people and all kinds of people.)  We believe that the same God who called Moses and Ruth and David and Mary Magdalene calls a whole array of human beings created in the image of God to serve in the name of Jesus.

We believe that God calls our leadership to look like our members and so, if a church has female members the church should have female leaders too.

We believe that Jesus first appeared to women after the resurrection.  They were the first evangelists.

We believe that the Gospels show that Jesus ministered among women who were often the first people to get it.  Exhibit A:  The persistent Canaanite woman. Exhibit B:  Mary who annointed Jesus before his death.

Still there are siblings in Christ throughout the world who interpret the Bible differently saying that men and women have gender-based roles or noting that Jesus’s disciples were all male.  (Note:  They were all Jewish too.)

I remember thinking – in my earliest years of professional ministry – that I was tired of having to explain why it was Biblically ok for me to be ordained.  I remember wanting to serve in a geographic area where “everybody” agreed that the ordination of women was indeed God’s clear will.  And now, because the ordination of women is one of my sacred assumptions, it’s easy for me to forget that not everybody assumes the same thing about who gets to be a priest or pastor.

I travel to Italy with what – I hope – will be an attitude of humility. Some traditions who do not (yet) ordain women want to hear from those of us who do. This is a first step.

Imagine what would happen if we sought out those with whom we disagree in hopes of learning from them. The world would be very different.

Image of the Rev. Margaret Towner on the day of her ordination: October 24, 1956.  Rev. Towner was the first woman ordained to the office of Minister of Word and Sacrament in the United Presbyterian Church.  She was wearing a man’s clergy robe that her mother was altering just minutes before the ceremony because there were no clergy robes at that time for women.

Like neighborhoods and private clubs, congregations are increasingly sorting ourselves into pockets of sameness – at least in terms of political perspectives.

Yes, churches have always been communities of disagreement but our differences often focus on paint colors (“I can’t believe they chose aqua for the sanctuary walls“) or some other property-related issue.  Do you know many congregations with a broad array of political perspectives sitting side by side in worship?

This is yet another age in which we judge one another morally depending on where we stand politically. Bret Stephens

I once served a congregation comprised of people of different political parties, different theologies, and different perspectives and it was fine.  They not only got along with each other but they supported projects and people with whom they disagreed.

A guest preacher one Sunday talked about her work serving an LGBTQ organization and one of our elders asked to speak with her privately after worship. He said somthing like this:

I don’t agree with everything you shared but I see that you are a person of deep faith. I’d like to make a contribution to your organization.  (Note:  He gave her a check for $100.)

There was an elder in the same congregation who consistently questioned “all this interfaith stuff” but one Sunday he sat on the same pew with two Muslim men from Turkey and before he left after worship, he brought them to meet me.

These gentlemen are visiting from a Muslim congregation.  They would like to meet you.  (Note:  They came back another Sunday and brought Turkish snacks for coffee hour.”)

Can we imagine this happening today in church?  I hope so.  I hope it happens all the time but I wonder.

How do we agreeably disagree with each other in these quarrelsome times?  First we ask questions – especially of ourselves:

• Why are we uncomfortable with certain people?  Do they frighten us?  Do we believe that their ideas will rub off on us?
• Can we see past nationality/color/political party and instead see each other with the eyes of Christ?
• Would we be willing to talk with those who disagree with us – and by listening, could we truly listen and place ourselves in their shoes?(Listening is not the same as waiting for our turn to talk.)

These are contentious times and we are clearly a divided people.  But can agree that:

• People are suffering in the world and all of us are called to help relieve their suffering?  (Hurricanes and earthquakes have no politics.)
• There is deep hurt in our nation and some are desperate enough to do something that will grab our attention? (e.g. Take a knee.)
• A variety of people feel ignored and misunderstood in this country, and they just want opportunities to work and live?

How can the Church model agreeable disagreement?  We begin with ourselves.  We begin by realizing that we don’t have to hate the people with whom we disagree.

Remember when Thrillist won our hearts by pairing Girl Scout Cookies with specific wines in 2015?  It was life-giving.

There are essential pairings in life that bring strength and comfort into the world. For Christians, it’s bread and red wine (or bread and Welch’s grape juice.)  For those celebrating Rosh Hashanah this week, it’s apples and honey.

I experience deep personal joy when the following are paired:

• Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
• Bacon and eggs
• Yolanda Pierce and a microphone

During a recent flight, I read The Dinner Party by Stephie Grob Plante in the Southwest Magazine about a real non-profit that organizes dinner parties for strangers who have experienced loss.  This phrase grabbed me:

“Food and grief, one of the most consistent pairings in human history.”

God knows this is true.

Most likely, we have all experienced the”consistent pairing” of food and grief.   When my mother died, Mary Moreau – a woman I barely knew from church – brought a broccoli and chicken casserole.  When Rachel’s husband Mark was caught having an affair with Thelma in Chapter 13 of Heartburn, Rachel smashed a key lime pie in Mark’s face at a dinner party.  And in thanksgiving for Nora Ephron, a friend brought me a key lime pie – which we ate in its entirety – after a seminary boyfriend cheated on me.

Food and grief are one of the most consistent pairings in human history.

As the world around us is reeling from multiple hurricanes, earthquakes, fires, and refugee crises, we whose first inclination would be to take food to those who grieve find ourselves – most likely – unable to pair these particular tragedies with pie or casseroles.  But there is another life-giving pairing that every single one of us can offer to our neighbors in need.

Please pair your compassion with a financial donation. I suggest Presbyterian Disaster Assistance for three big reasons:

1. Most of the money goes to those in need (Only 12% goes to administrative costs.  Anywhere from 0-15% is the highest score in Charity Navigator.)
2. PDA sticks around when most other relief organizations go home. (Example:  we are still assisting those impacted by Katrina and Sandy.)
3. PDA organizes teams of volunteers who go in after the first responders finish their work.

You can donate $10 immediately by texting PDA to 20222.

You can donate more by going here.

Please do not send socks or used clothing.  Please do remember the essential pairing of prayer and money.  It’s almost as old a pairing as food and grief.

Image from Thrillist.

“We have adopted the labels of our culture: liberal, conservative.  This only divides us.”  The Rev. Dr. J. Herbert Nelson, Stated Clerk of the PCUSA at the meeting of the Committee on the Office of the General Assembly 9-19-17

The Belhar Confession of my denomination states that unity is “both a gift and an obligation for the church of Jesus Christ.” So why are we so divided as God’s people? On any given day in the Twitterverse, Christians are battering each other with mockery and aspersions.

I am often labeled as a follower of Jesus who is a member of a certain mainline denomination and a certain political party who grew up in a certain college town and now lives in a certain county in Illinois. But labeling me according to any of these factsdoesn’t describe who I fully am.

“Are you conservative or liberal?”

My favorite answer to this, personally, is “It depends.”  It depends on the topic. It depends on the stakes. It depends on the details. It depends who’s asking.

Please note that the Bible is an equal opportunity offender and there are verses which are wildly radical (when they were first spoken and now) and there are other verses which are rather conventional (when they were first spoken and now.)  There are passages which – read in context – seem to say one thing when they actually say something quite different.

The verses about women not speaking in church is a great example:  it seems to be a very conservative teaching when actually it presumes a very liberal message. A “Bible Church” pastor taught me that Paul presumes that women should be in a church gathering in the first place – which was a radical idea for the First Century.  And women were most likely told to wait and ask questions when they get home because 1) they have a lot of questions, never having been part of the temple lessons before and 2) it’s like watching the third Harry Potter movie with someone who never saw the first two.  They need to suck it up and ask their questions (“So is Sirius Black a good guy or a bad guy?) when they get home. The point was not silencing women.  The point was preventing disruptions in worship.

Am I liberal or conservative?  Radical or traditional?  Evangelical or Interfaith?  Yes.  Again, it depends what we are talking about, etc.

If unity is a gift and an obligation – which I believe – then we could do a better job as the Church embracing this gift and fulfilling this obligation.  It’s easy to be the Church when everybody agrees with everyone else.  But we are called to be at table with those with whom we disagree.  God does God’s best work at those tables.

Image source.