A Church for Starving Artists

There are several explanations for why so many people seem to require gluten-free diets these days.  Check these out.

But regardless of the reason, we church people have some alterations to make  – from our communion bread recipes to the ingredients in our consecrated casseroles.

• It used to be true that a church member returned from the hospital to find enough mac and cheese to feed a small army.
• It used to be true that pot luck dinners featured numerous versions of lasagna along with assorted pasta salads and ham biscuits.
• It used to be true that communion bread was chewy and delicious.  Or at least those little white bread squares were nice and spongy.

Many churches who never used communion wafers before are now offering gluten free wafers which, by the way, are tasteless.  Other churches are serving gluten free soda bread to all partakers during the Eucharist, but – let’s be honest – it makes a crumbly mess during intinction.

Today the most hospitable pastoral caregivers will ask – before taking dinner to families with new babies – if anyone has food allergies.  The most welcoming congregations will make the Eucharist available to everyone – even those who cannot tolerate gluten.

I recently heard someone grouse about these shifts:  “Who are all these people who can’t eat wheat?  Don’t they know they are making things difficult for everybody?”

And therein lies the reason why so many congregations are in survival mode.  We have forgotten that the church is not about us, even  – and especially – when it comes to food.

Whether we are 25 years old or 95 years old, Boundary Training is required for all pastors in our Presbytery who serve congregations in any way.  

Some scoff at this because it’s required every three years.   If we have been serving churches for 3 years or 43 years, we still have to attend the same training.  Most of us get it:  Don’t have sex with parishioners.

But, of course, there is much, much more to it than that.

Among the boundary issues that come up regularly involve retired pastors.  We have several gifted retired pastors who:

• Continue to love the people they served prior to retirement (not a problem)
• Miss the practice of preaching, teaching, and leading God’s people (understandable)
• Feel adrift without their previous pastoral identity (also understandable)
• And are inadvertently hurting the ministry of the churches they’ve loved (not okay).

It occurs to me that maybe we need to start early in preparing our pastors for Life After Retirement.

What if – starting at age 55 – all pastors (already-retired and not-yet-retired) were invited to a different kind of Boundary Training?

Military personnel – prior to retirement after 20+ years – are treated to workshops from How to Dress (when your wardrobe no longer includes military uniforms) to How to Find Work in Civilian Life.

Clergy need the same kind of preparation as we look forward to or find ourselves already in retirement.  Carol Howard Merritt shared at a recent conference that, in the next 10+ years, a huge number of Baby Boomer clergy will be retiring.  (Note:  While many say that there are too many clergy, there will be a huge need for gifted clergy in the coming years.  Get thee to a seminary, young spiritual leader.)

We get financial preparation from our Board of Pensions.  But few of us are prepared for retirement emotionally and spiritually.  Imagine if we had conversations/boundary training before and after retirement around these issues:

• What do we do if all of our friends are in our last congregation?  (Tip:  make friends who have nothing to do with your church well before retirement.)
• What do we do if all our spouses friends are in that last congregation?  (Tip: see above)
• What if we miss our former church so much that we really, really want to drop in on church functions, get together with former parishioners, continue to offer pastoral care?  (Tip:  When you get the urge to connect with former parishioners, remember what this does to your former church – the congregation you love so much:  It confuses people.  It keeps them looking back at the past.  It sabotages the ministry of the current and future pastors.)
• What if the new pastor has finally arrived to our former church and we want to partner with her/him because – after all – we have a lot of information about that congregation and we could help?  (Tip:  Don’t do this unless asked.)
• What if we left under a cloud and we are still bitter/angry?  (Tip:  Vent to a therapist.  Don’t shred your former congregation or former colleagues.)
• What if we were elected Pastor Emeritus and we are still connected to the church from which we retired?  (Tip:  Being Pastor Emeritus is an honorary status.  It doesn’t mean you are still on the church staff or that the church is obliged to invite you to preach, teach, or attend church functions.)

Healthy pastors of every age have a life outside the church.  Healthy pastors of every age have interests and friends who are not part of their congregation’s activities.  Healthy pastors of every age don’t make church about themselves.

But we need to help each other be healthy.

Is the Preparation for Professional Ministry process like The Hunger Games? Really? Or does that simply make a better story?

This question sparked a conversation on Facebook yesterday and I was surprised at how many people shared that either:

1. Their own experience had not been so bad, and
2. Some people have a difficult experience because they should have a difficult experience (i.e. they have misunderstood their call, they need guidance but don’t think they need guidance, they are maybe not called to professional ministry.)

I recently heard someone compare her experience on the road to ordination to The Hunger Games.  I did not walk alongside her in her entire journey, but for the small part I witnessed, it actually seemed quite supportive with constructive criticism and good questions asked.

Keep in mind that, in The Hunger Games, the participants killed each other.  I’m pretty sure that Preparation for Ministry is not like this.  At all.  What has been your experience, O Pastors/Candidates/Inquirers?

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What could a stranger learn about you from exegeting your wallet?

Either I lost or someone pick pocketed my wallet in the ten steps between the Giordano’s Restaurant in our office building and the main door into the office building yesterday.  I didn’t realize my wallet was gone until I headed home and needed money for my CTA card.  Ugh.

In the process of canceling cards, I noticed a stranger who wanted to connect with me on LinkedIn and I was just about to delete (I don’t know this person.) when I saw the words: “I have your wallet.”

A maintenance person had found it in the men’s bathroom of another office building several blocks from mine.  The money was gone (it was literally a couple quarters and pennies) but the cards and my license were still there.

My new LinkedIn friend had studied the contents and learned that:

• I buy things in bulk.  (Costco card)
• I probably eat gluten. (Panera card)
• I’m a clergyperson. (PCUSA ID, Board of Pensions ID)
• I’m not much of a shopper. (Basic debit card. One business charge card.)

She looked up the website of my office (the office charge card) and matched my photos (Google images) with the (bad) photo on my debit card. Voila!

Sometimes HH and I play “what can you tell about that driver” as we travel down the interstate.  It’s amazing what you can learn:  political proclivities, educational connections, extracurricular activities, number of pets and children.

Our wallets also tell our story.  So, what’s in your wallet that would help someone figure you out – or find you?  I’m still using my Virginia driver’s license.  (I know, I know, it needs to be changed to my new state)  so she couldn’t have located me via ID address.  But – thanks to LinkedIn – I have my wallet back.

And to the person who took/found my wallet:  thanks for not tossing my driver’s license and cards, although I’m still changing them.

It’s been a busy week and I don’t have much to say except that these items have come highly recommended for our edification.

• For all clergy and congregations hoping to be healthy spiritual communities: Watch Betrayed – The Clergy Killer’s DNA. 

• For those of us who long for inspiration:  Read The Reason I Jump – The Inner Voice of a Thirteen Year Old Boy with Autism by Naoki Higashida.  Jon Stewart gushed over it last night.

• For all who need a song today: Listen to the music of 12 year old Emily Bear who was featured on Morning Edition yesterday.  Here’s a good one to slowly ease us into the day:  Little Angels.

Have a lovely Wednesday.  Image Source.

Big Day (sort of.)

As of today, I am no longer The Interim in my current position as a Middle Judicatory Church Executive.  (How’s that for a job that sounds soul-sucking?  You’ll have to take my word for it when I say that it’s actually quite soul-feeding.)

I am now considered “permanent” administratively, although no job is truly “permanent” of course. I will be “installed” at our next Presbytery meeting, as if it will take a construction professional or a wrecking crew to get rid of me.

I wish we had another term for “Temporary Ministry” which, in my denomination include only “Interim Pastors” and “Temporary Supply Pastors.”  Could we come up with new terms that mean:

1. “Temporary As In a Year or Two”
2. “Temporary As In This-Isn’t-Forever, Pal.“

In reality, we have “Temporary Supply Pastors” who have served the same congregation for a decade or more.  The church cannot call them officially to become “permanent” because finances are uncertain and/or the very existence of the congregation is fragile.

And then we have “Permanent Pastors” who serve their churches for less than two years.  We just said “goodbye” to a young pastor who had been installed for only five months.  There wasn’t a problem.  He simply was called to a different installed position that was a better match.

As well, we have Permanent Pastors who seem parked in their positions forever.  Jobs are scarce and why leave if you have a well-paying call?  Why leave if you have less than 10 years before retirement?  Why leave if you are beloved by your congregation?  Why leave your home of ___ years?

People come and go into and out of pastoral positions for countless good and not-so-good reasons.  But what if we acknowledged the reality that Everybody’s Temporary.

Interim Ministry – also called Transitional Ministry – involves specific skills that point to the future.

Gifted Interim Pastors . . .

• Clean up what needs to be cleaned up (e.g. that staffer who needs to go, that policy that needs revising) so that the next pastor can hit the ground running rather than having to deal with the ugly/ridiculous/difficult before Things Can Move On.
• Prepare the congregation for what God’s calling them to do/be next.
• Consider the church’s past, clarify the present (e.g. Who are we?  What’s our context?) and imagine the future.

Lame Interim Pastors . . .

• Are there to keep the paychecks coming after retirement and/or no “permanent” positions are available.
• Preach dated sermons that have nothing to do with where/who/how the church is now.
• Have no idea how to help congregations make shifts into a new season of ministry.
• Refuse to make those difficult changes that will help the future pastor jump right in.

None of us is truly permanent and this should impact the way we currently serve God’s people.  Are we – in any way – coasting?  Kicking back?  Doing what we’ve always done?  Refusing to attend conferences/lectures/amazing Pecha Kucha events?  Seriously, when was the last time we’ve read the perspective of a theologian under the age of 40?

If we consider ourselves “permanent” what does that mean for the future of our congregation?  Being In The Now is important, of course.  But many of us are not even In The Now, much less looking at The Future.  (i.e. We keep talking about The Past and How Great Things Were.)  It’s killing us, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

We buried my Aunt Jane on Saturday and it was the only burial service I’ve ever attended that involved parting gifts from the deceased.  Aunt Jane kept files on us replete with newspaper articles, letters, birth announcements, and wedding invitations.  Among the items in my own Aunt Jane file were all the monthly newsletters from my first church out of seminary. 

Yikes.  [To members of the first church I served:  I am so sorry for being so far off the mark.  Please forgive me.  I had no idea what I was doing.]

For example, as I read the Monthly Session Highlights (the most important business of the church as conducted by the elders) I was horrified by what we/I considered to be “highlights.”  Among the best of the highlights:

• “DM reported that someone donated a new lock for the back door.”
• “Session voted to spend $400 on a new typewriter.”
• “LT reported that the bayberry bush in front of the church has died.”
• “DM reported that new lights have been installed in the nursery.”
• “After lengthy discussion, Session voted to increase the building use fee from $25 to $35.”

Lord. Have. Mercy.

This was 30 years ago, mind you, but it could be yesterday in some of our tiny dying churches.  Our “highlights” involve carpet cleanings and how many mums were ordered for Harvest Sunday, the donation of parlor sofas and the idea to sell notecards.  No wonder nobody comes to church anymore.

Imagine highlights that look more like this:

• Ten members finished the Youth Stephen Ministry Training equipping them to offer support to their classmates and friends outside the church.
• God Talk is now meeting weekly at Cuppa Joe’s coffee shop on Tuesday nights.
• $3000 was donated to kick off the new South Suburban Night Ministry reaching out to families living in the hotels off the interstate.  Contact our Facebook page if you, too want to prepare bag lunches.
• Volunteer training for Senior Center Visitors prepared 82 people to care for guests meeting Monday – Friday for lunch and activities.
• Volunteer barristas are needed for the Twelve Step Hospitality station on Friday nights. 

See the difference?  People instead of projects.  Relationships instead of rules.  Equipping the Saints instead of expecting the Staff to do the ministry.

What do your church highlights look like?

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Imagine that you have spent most of your life as a parish pastor/minister/priest.  

Maybe you were loved deeply.  Maybe your personal identity and life’s purpose were based  – mostly – on your role as The Pastor.  Maybe your biological clock is based on the liturgical calendar.  Maybe you were blessed with enough years to retire from your church,  honored and adored.  But now you are retired.

Maybe you have lost your reason to get up in the morning.

Your friends are all in your (former) church.  Your spouse’s friends are all in your (former) church.  Your kids are even (still) in your (former) church.

What’s a retired pastor to do?  It’s hard to make new friends in your 70s.  It’s impossible to make lifelong friends in your 70s.

But it’s not too late to start a new chapter that doesn’t involve your former church.  Please.  For the sake of that congregation.  For the sake of the pastors who will follow you – leave that church behind.

This post is actually for the 20 – 50-something pastors out there.  For your own sanity and emotional health, please find some non-church friends, non-church hobbies, non-church interests.  Do it now before you are so enmeshed in Church World that you can’t have a conversation with someone without saying the words, “In my church . . .”

• I’m not talking about pastors who paint but all their paintings are hanging on the walls of the church building.
• I’m not talking about pastors who play golf with guys from the church’s Men’s Group.
• I’m not talking about pastors who write poetry about Jesus.
• I’m not talking about pastors who weave paraments for the sanctuary.
• I’m not talking about pastors who run marathons to raise money for their church mission trip.

I’m talking about painting, golfing, writing, weaving, running just for you.  I’m talking about joining a wine club with no parishioners in it, taking classes that will never work their way into a sermon, having friends who don’t even believe in God – much less belong to your congregation.

If you do this now, you won’t force someone like me to have to meet with you in your 70s to remind you that you are no longer the pastor of your (former) church and you need to find new friends and new interests late in life.

Jesus had really interesting friends who didn’t necessarily hang out in synagogues and the Temple talking about scroll colors and parable ideas.  I’m pretty sure about that.

Mosaic of pastors who do other things too.

I attend a lot of church-related meetings. But during one of yesterday’s four meetings,  in a conference room with 13 other people, something occurred to me:

I was the only woman in the room.

Women were first ordained in my denomination in 1956.  While 28% of all mainline Protestant churches in the United States have women pastors, almost half of all active clergy in my denomination are female.  More than half of the candidates for ordination are women.

In every church meeting I attend, at least half the participants are women.  Often there are more women in the room than men, but in yesterday’s meeting there was only one woman:  me.

Anybody want to guess what the meeting was and why I was the only woman present?

I’ll share the answer at the end of the day today.

Postscript: My meeting was with pastors who fall on the more conservative side regarding issues facing our denomination – including the possibility of our General Assembly approving GBLTQ marriage in 2014.  Although there are certainly some clergywomen in our denomination who are against GBLTQ marriage, most of those opposed seem to be men.  I’ve always wondered if we – clergywomen – are often more open to such changes because we know what it’s like when Scripture is used to forbid our leadership.  Most mainline Protestants interpret Scripture using hermeneutical techniques (historical, cultural, contextual, lexical analysis) that understand God’s Word differently than those who point to certain passages that “prove” what they believe about women and homosexuality.  

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There seems to be trauma everywhere.  For all the people who die  in shootings, bombings, floods and fires, there are countless others who survive, traumatized by those events.  After the tragedies, we hear that counselors will be deployed to assist those trying to cope after the fact.  In my denomination, the PDA leaps into action after somebody has opened fire in a movie theatre or after a tornado has twisted through a high school.  Thanks be to God.

But, think about it.  Every. Day. There. Is. Trauma.  Traumatic events seem to be on the increase, don’t they?

Children shot on a basketball court.  Shoppers shot in a mall.  Federal workers shot in their workplace.  And that’s just over the past week or so.

Cars washed away in floods.  Homes burned to the ground.  Whole villages squashed by an earthquake.  Again – all this has happened in just the past week.

And then there are survivors of car crashes, cancer, child abuse, and all manner of brokenheartedness.  These are the people who sit in our pews on Sunday mornings.  And they are the people who never sit in church buildings.

How do we serve these folks?  We can’t take away their pain or erase their memories.  But we are called to walk alongside them, to hear their stories.  And – as far as I know – there are no seminaries teaching pastoral care skills for trauma victims.  Maybe it’s best to offer this kind of training as a specialty.  But increasingly, it feels like all of us need this training.  Sadly, trauma is no longer a rare occurrence.  It happens every day.

Note:  HH and I have tickets to see the documentary Sole Survivor this week.  I consider this Continuing Education.  Will offer a review Friday.

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