Have you ever been a minority in a group of people? It’s uncomfortable, isn’t it?
Have you ever been pegged (e.g. conservative, middle-aged, blonde, Asian) and then written off as if any single adjective could capture who you are?
Have you ever caught yourself pegging somebody else when, for example, they use gender exclusive language (“mankind”) or dress a certain way (polyester pant suit) or hail from a certain part of the country (Mississippi)?
So, here I am in Minneapolis for a gathering of The Fellowship of Presbyterians, the folks who brought us this letter back in February. I wrote a couple of guys involved with the letter to share my thoughts. And then I signed up to attend this thing. In the meantime, I was elected to serve on a Presbytery staff so this event turned out to be more than a theological field trip. It’s sort of my job now to work with pastors and churches that are interested – or intrigued – about doing something dramatically new in our denomination – like maybe leaving the denomination. Or perhaps creating A New Reformed Body. You can read details here.
So here are my first thoughts after worship Wednesday evening:
– I feel like a minority in a crowded room of People Not Like Me. But maybe they are indeed more like me than I now realize or will admit.
With a nod to Brian McLaren, I self-identify as an evangelical, Reformed, conservative, liberal, green, grappling, postmodern, missional, pastoral, traditional, emergent, mystical follower of Jesus. And yet, I can feel some people immediately appraising me based on everything from my age and gender to my Blackberry and nametag which erroneously says I’m from Alexandria, VA which means National Capital Presbytery, which means liberal. Or maybe I’m just paranoid.
– It’s totally easy to be judgmental here:
Exhibit A: we sing gender exclusive songs and I feel the snarkitude rising. A woman prays “for mankind” and it ticks me off. Note to self: pray for a gracious attitude.
Exhibit B: I met a well-known leader of this organization in the registration line and I remembered a colleague once telling me that this person was the meanest human being he’d ever known. Do I take his word for it or try to make a friend?
Exhibit C: Where are all the 20 and 30-somethings? They are not here. I imagine if they walked by the ballroom during worship tonight, they could have mistaken us for a megachurch gathering – and maybe not in a good way. Again, I need to pray for a gracious attitude, but honestly it makes me nervous when people applaud the resurrection.
Exhibit D: I realize how much I now believe that the kingdom of God is now. (Note: See, I can use gender exclusive language too.) And it really bugs me when the church considers “the exhibition of the kingdom of heaven to the world” to be about the afterlife. I believe Jesus was talking about bringing heaven to the world now. This is the point, if you ask me.
And so here I am at a conference with almost 2000 people from 49 states and 3 countries beyond the US – according to the handouts – because I love the church. What do we mean if we say that we love the church? That we love the tradition? The building? The denomination? No, the church is the people. We have to love the people even the ones who make us crazy/angry/tired.
I got an email from a former parishioner today telling me that she’s left the church we served in together. This makes me sad – not because she left but because I doubt she sought out those with whom she disagreed before leaving. It’s easy to sort outselves from those with whom we disagree. It’s hard to stay and wrestle and love each other in spite of our differences. But grappling and staying together seems to be a more Biblical way.
A Church for Starving Artists 
I appreciate your presence there and look forward to hearing your reflections/perspectives on this event.
LikeLike
It’s the right thing to do to be there and bear witness and try to understand and be understood. Thanks for representing….
LikeLike
Jan, I really appreciate your thoughts and insights. I hope the Fellowship folks come to realize what a blessing it is to have someone like you in their midst, who honestly wants to be in conversation.
LikeLike
having spent the last 10 years participating and leading with Community Bible Study, housed at McLean Bible and consisting of many McLean Bible members and mostly “conservative” sisters, I do indeed know what it’s like to be in the minority. And, there are times I want to bolt bristling at the “inerrant” theology and seeking the comfort of the known and familiar. But 10 years have stretched me in ways I never imagined. Not only am I less judgmental (God be praised!), I can sit with these sisters, hear their thoughts and positions and not try to convert them (even if they might want to convert me!). I can listen to their position and I can better articulate (in a loving way) mine. I have dubbed myself a passionate moderate. I am evangelical, conservative, liberal, Reformed but most importantly I am a beloved child of God called to Love God’s world and God’s children where I am. Thanks be to God.
LikeLike
Looking forward to reading your recap of Thursday!
LikeLike
Thank you for this post! I am a new 60-something, but you captured my thoughts as I read the blogs from some who attended the gathering. I’m looking forward to reading more of your comments! Refreshing and uplifting!
LikeLike
I am sorry that you felt this way during the first night of optional worship at the Gathering.
I am a 30 something who was not at worship on Wednesday night. Many of us gathered at the Twins game for some pre-conference fellowship, but once the actual conference started we were there in good numbers…or as good as all 7% of us could be. I saw almost my entire graduating class of those under 40 there. So trust that we were there and praying about the future of the denomination as well.
Since we do not know one another I will say this as nicely and with as much respect as can be communicated through the Internet – when people complain about the use of non-inclusive language, they are discounting language that many of us use to connect deeply with God. The mandatory attitude shown toward the language you appreciate is just as excluding to me as patriarchal language seems to be to you. And by calling people who use it “snarky” – what ever that means – communicates to me that your preferences are of higher value than mine. So if I am to interpret your post correctly… You would like 20&30 somethings present, but don’t care to use language that they might connect well with.
Please know that this is an overwhelming position communicated by most staffers of presbytery and ga. They might not even see how trying to be inclusive to some is excluding to others.
LikeLike
Hi Rob – I appreciate your comments. A couple of responses:
– I am most concerned about gender exclusive language involving human beings. When lyrics and prayers address men or brothers, I feel excluded as a woman and sister. I understand that we find comfort in addressing God in a variety of images: Father, King, Rock, Anchor, Lord. Since no single image can wholly capture who God is, I also appreciate when a wide variety of Biblical images for God are used, including feminine images (Isaiah 66:3, Matthew 23:37.) Using only male images for God seems to limit who God is but it’s a theological choice. Using only male images for people definitely limits who is included in the church. I have less tolerance for this, with all due respect.
– As for the snarkitude, I was referring to myself. As my friend Susan Etherton noted in her comment, it’s a spiritual discipline to pray for those who disagree with us and this was my challenge at the FOP event. I wasn’t suggesting in this post that others were snarky.
Looking back, I did experience some who disagree with me to be totally gracious and others to be a bit feistier. We are all looking to be both loving and inclusive of all sides and the best way to do this is to keep talking with each other. It’s hard to be snarky to people we are praying with and for.
Again, thanks for your comments. I agree that there were more under 40s after Wednesday night. One friend said to me on Wednesday night that he didn’t think 20 & 30 somethings generally like to attend events like this. Would you basically agree, and if so, how can we engage more people from your demographic to attend these kinds of conferences?
LikeLike
Thanks for the perspective. Wish I’d have seen this last week. Glad you were there.
LikeLike