Loving Life as an Older Lady

I’m still not crazy about the term “crone” although friends tell me it’s a Frances McDormandcompliment. I still picture her in my head, so, no thank you.

One of my no-longer-secret hopes for 2015 includes finding friends who have no church connections (i.e. not connected to former or current churches that I serve.) I adore my clergy and parishioner friends. I happen to have the most fabulous church friends in the world. But tucked into the recesses of my mind is the fact that I always have my Presbytery Hat on.

I literally have zero friends in The Prairie State who are not church-related in some way, unless you count two barristas whose establishments I regularly visit. They know my coffee preferences, but they don’t know my favorite books or the names of my children. Still, it’s something I don’t take for granted.

I’ve been in search of at least one local human being with whom certain conversations do not involve potential boundary problems. Enter 60 year old acquaintance who actually said recently, “We should get together.” Thank you Jesus. (Note: This is a good article about making friends as adults.)

My potential friend and I entered different professions in our 20s and found ourselves being among the handful of women in those professions. We both love our work. We both have funny stories. But again, there is a boundary issue. Dual relationships. (She is a medical professional.) But at this point, I’m willing to chance it.

What we also agree on:

  • We love being 60/almost 60.
  • We have little to prove, so we aren’t afraid to stand our ground.
  • We have no intention of wasting our time trying to convince people that we can do/be something even with ovaries. (Note: I don’t know her well enough yet to know if she actually still has her ovaries.)
  • We are fascinated/inspired by our adult kids.
  • We’ve made some big mistakes in our previous decades of life, but it’s okay.
  • We’re often invisible in social situations, but this offers an excellent opportunity to scope out the room and figure out who is interesting without small talk.

I loved the Tina Fey/Amy Poehler explanations of “cake” and “birthdays” to a Golden Globe culture of perpetual starvation and age aversion Sunday night. I like cake very much. And birthday parties. And women of a certain age.

For sure I will turn 59 in 2015. Not for sure, but possible: a non-church friend.

Image of Frances McDormand whom – like Amy Poehler, I would also save from a burning building.

5 responses to “Loving Life as an Older Lady

  1. Right there with you, turning 58 in 2015. I have recently reconnected with a non- church friend, a non practicing Jewish woman, who is a scientist. We were once tight friends, for 15 years. Happy to reconnect. I hope your non church friendship grows, too.


  2. When I was first ordained, I was settled (United Church of Canada term for being sent to your first church) in Ontario, in a village of 1200 people and the only people I knew were ones who knew me as the minister. It was one of the hardest thing about being 1200 miles away from friends and family. While I wasn’t geographically isolated, I felt isolated. And it didn’t help that I was single in village full of married people. Having said that, the hospitality that was extended to me was deep and wide.


  3. May all your birthday and 2015 wishes come true.


  4. Pingback: Unfriending or Unfriendly | My Window on God's World

  5. I am sure you’ve already read this NYTimes interview with Frances “I have not mutated myself in any way” McDormand. [She is so wonderful, as are you, friend.] But just in case you haven’t, here it is:


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