- You’ve reached a point of security and satisfaction in your work, but then a new boss comes along and gaslights you.
- You’ve been told you are “our first choice” but then the job goes to someone else.
- One day your house is your home. And then water comes creeping through your doors and windows.
- Kids and spouse are healthy. And then they aren’t.
- Life looks like a fairy tale. And then it doesn’t.
Kate Bowler helps. But she can’t take away that terrible “I can’t breathe” feeling.
This is where community comes in.
I have often said that there are two signs of true friendship:
- I can make dying animal sounds all night and you sit with me and never try to Eliphaz me. (Biblical reference here.)
- I can call you at 2 am and say, ‘There’s a naked dead man on my kitchen floor‘ and you say, ‘I’ll be right over.’
Good community just sits with us when we’ve received a hit. Really good community knows our most helpful Sooth Me Language (much like love language but with more intoxicants): fragrant flowers, coffee, ice cream, wine, sunshine, candles, ocean.
Note: Intoxicants soothe only temporarily. True recovery takes the rest of our lives. Yes, we want to die. We feel like we are going to die. But please don’t die before your time. (I’ve had to repeat this advice to myself too.)
Good community doesn’t always come from the obvious people. Sometimes the perfect stranger comes along. And we cannot make ourselves be someone else’s community if they don’t want us in that role.
It’s about having each other’s back. Have somebody’s back today.