Two quick stories:
- As HH and I were recently landing at JFK from our travels, the flight attendant came on the intercom and asked all passengers to remain in our seats for fifteen minutes before disembarking. There was a medical emergency and the aisles would need to be clear so that EMTs could board with a stretcher. As soon as the plane landed about half the passengers stood up, retrieved their carry-on bags from the bins and stood in the aisles. Had they not heard the flight attendant’s request? Then the captain took the mic and asked everyone to who was standing to return to their seats so that the medical personnel could get a stretcher down the aisle. Nobody moved. Seriously. No. Body. Moved. The EMTs boarded and made their way down the aisle around the passengers with their carry-ons and then escorted parents with a sick child who was in their father’s arms because they couldn’t get the stretcher down the aisle. This happened on August 2nd on Delta Flight 235.
- When I was a parish pastor, I was told that one of the Sunday School teachers had tossed the curriculum and was teaching her students etiquette instead of Bible lessons. Her own daughters were in the class but the etiquette was needed for the other students, she later told me, because they had not been raised right in her opinion. None of their parents attended our church which – she explained – was probably why they didn’t know how to dress or eat their snacks properly. Her concern was that “they didn’t really belong” in our church. (Her words.) This was in the early 1990s.
Meanness, rudeness, sadness, and loneliness are not new in our culture. And yet it’s getting worse.
Please read this 2023 article by David Brooks. I don’t always agree with him, but he rightly notes that our culture is a hot mess. According to Brooks, we can blame:
Technology – “Social media is driving us all crazy.”
Sociology: “We’ve stopped participating in community organizations and are more isolated.”
Demography: “America, long a white-dominated nation, is becoming a much more diverse country, a change that has millions of white Americans in a panic.”
The Economy: “High levels of economic inequality and insecurity have left people afraid, alienated, and pessimistic.”
Actually, though, Brooks says the true reason for our moral demise is this:
We inhabit a society in which people are no longer trained in how to treat others with kindness and consideration.
I would put it another way:
We have utterly forgotten that every human being has been created in the image of God.
Do we need lessons in etiquette, emotional intelligence, regulation of our own emotions, morality and cultural awareness? Probably. But mostly we need spiritual maturity and by that I mean that we need to learn – and this is lifelong learning – about loving our neighbors simply because they bear the image of God. I include in this list kids who don’t dress well or know which fork to use, sick children on airplanes and their exhausted parents, rude people, Donald Trump, and people who criticize the Barbie movie even if they haven’t seen it.
This was once a role of the Church but – honestly – there are so many examples of how the Church has failed here. It’s no surprise that most people (and the numbers are increasing) don’t look to the Church for teaching what the love of God looks like.
We in the Church are often too busy covering up misconduct, keeping bullies happy, or perpetuating an institution rather than deeply loving God and neighbor as (we think we are loving) ourselves.
We are not loving ourselves when we are greedy, self-centered, clueless, and disdainful. And yet I actually hear people boasting about how the meaning of life – for them – is about:
- Looking out for me and mine
- Clinging to grudges
- Destroying rivals
- Taking advantage
Church People: I have no answers about how to get more people to your congregation’s Rally Day (aka Sunday School Kickoff) in September. But I will ask another question:
Look at the DNA of your congregation and note what about your church’s programming, mission, worship, and hospitality teaches mean, rude, sad, or lonely people how to be different?
Image of Hot Mess Barbie. She’s everywhere.
A Church for Starving Artists 
Thank you for this post. I’m sorry it had to be written, but it does. I am going to share bits and pieces here and there, scattering your wise words with hopes they will take root. I’m starting my 10th year of reading to first graders, and the main object is to talk about how to treat others and find our way in this world.
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Things have really gotten worse since 2020 with Covid, George Floyd, the election and the riots that took place. Of which all races practice racism not just one. People in the church were mean 40 years ago. But as churches are moving closer to closing. Losing people and financing at the same time. The anxiety of how to stop the bleeding. Causes people to take it out on each other. The lack of love is exactly why many people have left the church. If the people on the inside of the church walls. Can’t show that we are different from the people outside of the church walls. We’re going to lose the church. My hope and prayer is that we will wake up before it’s to late.🙏🏽
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