What’s Considered “Okay” in Your Congregation?

And by “okay” I mean “acceptable.”

For example:

• Is it okay to mock your pastor behind their back?
• Is it okay to send anonymous letters to church members?
• Is it okay to use financial pledges as weapons?
• Is it okay to have secret meetings to strategize against something or someone?
• Is it okay to make purchases “for the church” without authorization?
• Is it okay to serve in the same role for over 6 years?
• Is it okay to yell “shut up” in a meeting?
• Is it okay to yell at the pastor and storm out during worship?
• Is it okay to make racist comments in meetings?
• Is it okay to ignore signs of addiction among staff members?
• Is it okay to use church credit cards for personal purchases?
• Is it okay to gossip?
• Is it okay to expect the pastor’s family to participate in everything?
• Is it okay to date the pastor?
• Is it okay to get drunk with the pastor?
• Is it okay to expect the pastor to be available 24/7?

I often write about church culture and there are multiple ways to understand a congregation’s culture. But the simplest is to identify what’s okay and what’s not okay.

As most of us know, there are mean people in our congregations although none of us would identify either our congregations or ourselves as “mean.” Denial is a killer.

And when we have terrible boundaries or we tolerate bullies or we play games with God’s people – and when we do not hold each other accountable for such things – we are killing our congregation. We might think we are protecting it or honoring it or preserving it. But we are killing it.

On most days, I see multiple signs of the Spirit moving through people in the way they serve and it’s beautiful. And on some days, I see utter dysfunction in the congregations God loves. It’s not okay.

This is the season – in each of the monotheistic faiths – when we take a hard look at who we are. Even if we consider ourselves to be good and faithful people, please take that hard look. I’m weary of “former Christians” lifting up all the destructive actions that made them leave the Church. The truth is that they are right.