The rate of change is determined by the level of trust.
Somebody said that to me last week. (Thanks, if it was from you.) It was a take on Rev. Jennifer Bailey’s quote.
There are several rookie mistakes Pastors – and other leaders – make that will forever sabotage our effectiveness. The first is to try to change things without establishing trust. Show me a Transitional Pastor who decides to shake up how a church does Lent and Easter without first learning what they love about the way they do Lent and Easter and I’ll show you an unnecessary $#@ Storm. Show me a newly Installed Pastor who announces that the congregation will not longer be singing The Doxology during worship and I’ll show you a choir set on blocking every idea the Pastor has moving forward.
Trust is in short-supply these days. Institutions we once trusted have betrayed us. (There was yet another joke about the Catholic Church offered by the Irish Catholic host Conan O’Brien during the Oscars Sunday. Will the Roman Catholic Church ever recover from the sins of their past? Will the Presbyterians?)
How do we engender trust in our families, our communities, our institutions? Be trustworthy.
- Listen to people who haven’t had a voice. (Note: Listening is not waiting for our turn to talk.)
- Read the room. (Notice things like a detective. Or a person with emotional intelligence.)
One of the beautiful things about being a long-term pastor is that – God-willing – we have engendered trust even among communities that occasionally disagree. As Lent begins tomorrow, consider trust-building as a spiritual discipline.
The Rev. Jennifer Bailey is the Founder and Executive Director of the Faith Matters Network.
A Church for Starving Artists 
Someone needs to teach people to “read a room.” This seems to be a real problem right now in many situations where I find myself. I can figure out what’s going on, but others seem oblivious.
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We used to play a game in my family when one of our children (about age 7 or 8) would need to come to a church meeting with me. I asked SBC, for example, to watch how I interacted with people at the meeting. Afterwards, I would ask SBC to tell me about each person in the meeting. Did I know that guy in the blue shirt very well before the meeting? Was I meeting someone for the first time? Could he tell if I agreed with someone or disagreed with someone?
SBC’s answers: You got the guy in the blue shirt a cup of coffee and you put cream in his coffee without asking him if he wanted cream. You must have known him to know that he puts cream in his coffee. You introduced yourself to the person at the end of the table and shook her hand, so I don’t think you’d met before. I could tell you liked that person with the blonde hair because you hugged when you saw her and you agreed with what she said. I’m not sure you agreed with the man who talked about ____ because you didn’t nod or say anything.
Emotional Intelligence/Reading a Room can be taught.
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