What Do We Talk About When We’re Together?

First a confession: I am extremely judgmental, especially towards other Christians. Also, I know myself to be a miserable sinner. I’ll just start with those two statements.

I was at a party recently and – just that week in international news – a Latino man was illegally deported and sent to a Salvadorean prison because of what the President called “an administrative error.” A Russian missile strike killed 19 Ukrainians including 9 children. And the President of South Korea was impeached.

Because it was a party, I didn’t expect people to chat about this news.

But I was surprised at what we did talk about: “How is your kitchen renovation going?” “Are you still headed to the Faroe Islands in July?” “You can’t even tell you’ve had Botox.” There was a really, really long and heated conversation about how high your lawn grass should be before it’s mowed. “I’d say that Fescue needs to be cut at 2.5 inches.” “No, you’re thinking about Zoysia. Fescue should be cut at 3.5 inches.”

On the one hand, I’m impressed that people have the lawn grass knowledge of Jeopardy contestants. (Double Jeopardy Category: Grass Identification)

On the other hand, I wondered what they talk about when they aren’t at a party.

Debby Irving wrote in Waking Up White that White People talk about race only occasionally. But Black People talk about it daily. Why is that, do you think?

I’d venture to guess that Black People live in closer proximity to racism than White People. There are more situations in which Black people are unsafe out there. This is simply not true for your average White Person, especially those of us who live in “good neighborhoods.” Even if we live in “good neighborhoods” Black and Brown people are at higher risk by virtue of their skin color and inherent bias. Do we ever talk about this, White Friends?

Someone I know recently retired from a career in working for the poorest of the poor in her rural community. She has seen things: Domestic violence. Abject poverty. Shocking hunger. Utter desperation. And yet, she has made an enormous difference because of her proximity to the poor.

Bryan Stevenson is well known for talking about how essential to be in proximity to marginalized people – at least if we want the world to be better. I am struck by the number of people – and especially Christian people – who do not need for the world to be better because it’s already pretty great for us.

• We are installing bidets in our new bathrooms, unaware that 522,752 US households did not have basic plumbing in their homes in 2021.
• We are planning a fall vacation to Vermont and frankly don’t care to learn that 6% of Americans do not have reliable transportation to get to medical appointments.
• We are so excited to get reservations to that cool new restaurant, not wanting to think about the 1 in 5 children in the USA who are hungry. (We’re talking about 14 million children.) And I’m hoping to save room for the $15 crème brûlée.

Yes, thinking about poverty is a downer. And no, I don’t believe God intends for us to refrain from having nice bathrooms and vacations and dessert. But having proximity to people who are struggling because they lack basic human needs changes everything – from our priorities to our level of gratitude.

Have we seen things that have changed us to the point of altering what we talk about socially?

Do we know anyone unable to pay cash bail for their grandson who was arrested for robbery even though he was nowhere near the crime? Do we know anyone who is not taking their meds because they need the money for food? Do we know school children who are at risk every weekend of their lives? Do we know people living in shame because they cannot provide for their families, or they are victims of abuse but cannot leave or they are so controlled by their addictions that they rob from their friends? This is real life for too many of our neighbors. This personal experience changes us. It opens our eyes.

So let’s talk more about how we can make a difference in God’s world. And maybe talk less about our landscaping problems. (I warned you I am judgey.)

PS God loves gardens too. It’s the idolatry that’s a problem.

Image of Ladies Who Lunch. Artist unknown.