“Let’s Pretend Like This Never Happened,” said no effective leader ever.

HH and I were co-pastors of a wonderful congregation in Northern Virginia for a while and I have many memories – especially from our first month there. The church had experienced an ugly split and members were feeling a whole spectrum of emotions from bitterness to anger to embarrassment to grief. At one of the first meetings, a sweet man turned to me and made this suggestion: “Let’s pretend like that never happened.”

Sometimes this approach borders on the absurd. Cindy Bolbach and I went to a worship service years ago to support a congregation after the sudden death of their 40-something pastor. His memorial service had been just the day before and – to our amazement – there was absolutely no mention of their deceased minister except during the announcements when someone said, “If you are interested in serving on a search committee for a new pastor, please see Joe.” Actually, I don’t know if it was Joe or Jane, but what I do remember is how utterly weird it was that not a single person referred to the fact that their pastor had died.

A different congregation I love recently experienced a terrible shock that left them feeling that whole spectrum of emotions again from bitterness to anger to embarrassment to grief. But instead of avoiding the truth, instead of pretending it never happened, they gathered for worship yesterday and addressed lament and heartbreak and – most of all – the joyous fact that the love of God is stronger than any disappointment, any shock, any betrayal we could ever experience. The gamut of feelings are real. The grace of God is real. Redemption and resurrection are real.

I watched a host of gifted leaders lead as perfect a worship service as I’ve ever experienced. The Holy Spirit was all over it. And it was led by people of integrity and courage.

Brene Brown was interviewed by Lulu Garcia-Navarro recently for the NYT, and I’m reminded that effective leadership is about courage. The courage to face truth rather than avoid it. The courage to hold each other accountable. The courage to have uncomfortable conversations.

These are transitional times. Everything seems to be changing. But according to Brown, an effective leader “understands urgency but is working from productive urgency” so that we aren’t just looking busy; we are creating a positive impact for the good of the whole.

People who lead by avoiding conflict, who lead by terrorizing people, who lead without being curious or having self-awareness will never be effective leaders. Now more than ever, the world needs effective leaders. Now more than ever, the Church needs effective leaders.

One of the great things about being a healthy Church is that we can look back at difficult times and honestly say that the difficult experiences brought us closer to each other and to God. That’s pretty good news.