Does Everybody Lie?

Yes. We have good reasons and not-so-good reasons.

According to Merriam-Webster, lying is “the act of saying something you know is not true to trick someone else.” It’s the definition of disinformation.

Misinformation is sharing information that we believe is true which might not actually be true. (Note: People who say that Mary Magdalene was a prostitute or the sin at Sodom was about homosexuality might honestly believe those statements, but neither is Biblically true.)

There are lies that ruin lives. There are lives that save lives.

It feels like lying is more rampant these days, but that’s probably because we can track lies almost instantly using digital media. Fiction would be less interesting – from Odysseus to Mayella Ewell – if characters didn’t lie.

Nevertheless it also feels like a spiritual crisis these days.

• Political leaders declare under oath that they will or will not take a specific action, and then they break their word minutes after swearing in.
• Aspirants think nothing of padding their resumes.
• (And I’m intentionally offering a partisan view here) The so-called “leader of the free world” told a documented 30,573 lies during his first term, according to The Washington Post.

Jimmy Carter ran on this pledge in 1976:

“I’ll never tell a lie, I’ll never make a misleading statement, I’ll never betray the confidence that any of you has in me.”

Historians have a hard time pinning down a lie Carter might have shared, but – ironically – some religious leaders perpetuated lies both before and during the Carter Administration. It wasn’t the beginning of political disinformation and it obviously wasn’t the end.

Is there any hope for bolstering our willingness to tell the truth? How do we share The Truth of our faith while also deceiving each other in Church World? Pastor Nominating Committees withhold conflicts from candidates they interview. Pastoral Candidates always tell Search Committees that they lead “collaboratively” whether they do or not. We advertise that “all are welcome” but we don’t truly mean everyone.

There are quite a few lies told in church.

Nevertheless, the feeling that happens when we are told the truth – by political candidates, by Pastoral Nominating Committees, by preachers feels inspiring. Telling the truth often brings growth and positive change. (“You seem unhappy in this volunteer role. What do you sense God is calling you to do next?”) I increasingly love it when leaders speak difficult truths. I’m finding that I lose patience when friends and family withhold truths from each other.

What I’m not saying: Bring a hammer to a family/office/community meeting and take no prisoners.

What I am saying: We must speak the truth in love to each other. It’s healthier in the long run.

• Don’t marry the city person when you’re secretly a small town person.
• Don’t accept the call to a church that won’t accept your LBGTQ+ child.
• Don’t call a pastor who looks good on paper but one of the references shared that they don’t work well with women.
• Don’t avoid sharing hard but essential information with loved ones because they will eventually find out and then they’ll wonder what else you kept from them.
• Don’t keep the church office volunteer who sabotages the mission, but you fear that nobody else will do it.
• Don’t let the bullies rule for fear they will take their money and leave.

All of us tell lies about ourselves and each other. But we can do better. We can expect more of our leaders and each other. And I am so ready for it.

Image of liars who changed history in devasting ways, from center top clockwise: Carolyn Bryant Donham, Anna Anderson, Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, J. Edgar Hoover, Richard M. Nixon, Kim Philby, Bernie Madoff, Theodore McCarrick, James Watson and Francis Crick.