How Have You Deconstructed Your Own Faith?

[Note: I’ve been reading Shea Watts’ new book on the influences of Contemporary Christian Music on Christian Nationalism and it’s a short but dense account of a relationship that is particularly timely for these days. Shea is a friend who has experienced some deconstruction himself. He and Brandon Lake served together at Seacoast Church a while back. Shea is now an ordained PCUSA pastor. Read his book.]

My social media algorithm apparently thinks I’m interested in people who are in the throes of deconstructing their faith. (The algorithm is correct.)

My feed is filled with people who call themselves ex-evangelicals and/or former Christians including Sarah Paige (a 30-something pastor’s daughter), Jen Hatmaker (a writer and podcaster who started Austin New Church with her former husband in 2008), Rachel Kesler (former evangelical, now Episcopal priest and Kenyon professor), Todd Phillips (former megachurch pastor now calling himself an atheist/agnostic), and Joseph Yoo (South Korean-American Pastor’s Kid and former evangelical, now an Episcopal priest serving Mosaic Church in Texas.) This was part of Rachel Held Evans’ story. This is Bart Ehrman’s story.

My own faith was informed by a treasured array of Christian leaders. I grew up in a mainline Presbyterian family in a university town. My confirmation teachers included Alan Keith-Lucas and Bernard Boyd. I was active in Young Life in high school and my “Campaigners” Bible Study leader was a college student named Nora Tubbs. (So lucky/drenched in grace/#blessed.) I attended The Chapel Hill Bible Church in college led by Jim Abrahamson, a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary. Grant Wacker was one of my college professors. I’ve hung out with Brian McLaren and Diana Butler Bass. I once drove all the way to Grandville, Michigan to hear Rob Bell preach. I frankly do not agree with all the things that all these smart people believe. They are not God.

I believe that it’s not only okay to grapple with our faith; it’s essential – because none of the world’s best preachers/teachers/thinkers are God. Bad things happen when we conflate our spiritual leaders with the Creator. I will never watch this movie.

And I feel sick when I read the comments of those who have watched that movie, along with tens of thousands of others whose trauma was inflicted by church leaders. Many have understandably chucked all church rituals, participation in spiritual community, and any semblance of faith.

I have not. My theology continues to shift and shift back and shift forward again. I am not afraid of questions or doubts. And yet, after over 40 years of being a professional minister, it’s tricky finding “a new church” in retirement. I’m experiencing church everywhere and I have my new neighborhood (and God) to thank for that. You Church People already know what I miss about Church and what I will never miss.

After all these years, I’m not worried about “the rapture” or whether or not Mary was a virgin. (Do I believe God can make a virgin pregnant? Sure, but my faith doesn’t depend on it.) I increasingly understand the historical Jesus as a Jewish man of a certain time and place who – yes – was also the perfect living Word of God. Jesus spoke in parables because he was a rabbi after all (if you have rabbi friends you already know that many questions are explained with a parable) and so I see many Hebrew stories as parables. I taught children in church that “parables are the SHOCKING (slap both hands to your cheeks) stories Jesus taught us to explain how much God loves us.” That would also be true for the parable of Jonah and the Big Fish.

I don’t care whether or not Judas died by hanging or by flinging himself off a cliff. That wasn’t the point of the stories.

I do care that millions of people who claim to be Christian bear no resemblance to Jesus in their words, behaviors, or priorities. And this is destroying the Church of Jesus Christ dramatically more than “culture war” issues. I care that I am personally clueless about life’s realities all too often and I am a lazy pray-er about that.

I really, really care that we elect honorable people next week to lead our towns and states and nation. Just as my own family includes people I love who were raised in traditions that are not Christian, I know that God uses people of every faith and no faith to show us the way of peace and hope. I believe that some of our best spiritual leaders happen to be the very people we condemn. (although God loves them and they might be God’s favorites.)

How your are deconstructing your own faith – whatever that faith might be? And please don’t tell me that your belief system hasn’t changed since you were in the second grade. I hope that’s not true because I will be so judgy about it.

Read Shea’s book. It’s especially good when you get to the part about Charlie Kirk’s funeral.