Author Archives: jledmiston

[This post will make some readers unhappy.]

A Big Issue in my denomination over the past several weeks has been the decision to use this question on the Senior Biblical Exegesis Ordination Exam:

“In your role as the Associate Pastor for Christian Formation, you are leading a Bible study for your congregation’s UKirk college-age ministry exploring unsettling passages in the scriptures. The final story you will be studying is ‘the Levite’s Concubine’ (Judges 19:1-30).”

Judges 19:1-30 is one of Phyllis Trible’s Texts of Terror. It’s one of those passages that Margaret Atwood was thinking about when she wrote The Handmaid’s Tale in 1985. Violence against women is both an ancient and current sin. As Atwood has said many times in explaining how she came up with the ideas for her famous dystopian novel, everything that happens to women in The Handmaid’s Tale has happened or is now happening in human history. Some of it happened in the Bible.

Seminarians are outraged about this ordination exam question. College Chaplains are outraged. Congregational Pastors are outraged.

At the risk of offending most of my friends, I am not outraged. Yes, this question is absolutely triggering for anyone who has experienced violence – particularly sexual violence. It was a poor choice of scripture. And also: Scripture is triggering. Life is triggering.

To all Pastors, Chaplains, Counselors, and Seminarians: we will be triggered in our ministry. And we will trigger others in our ministry.

This means we need therapy before we go out there and deal with people whose tragedies might resemble our own. We need to be prepared when we inadvertently trigger someone else.

I can’t say it enough: every pastor or soon-to-be-pastor must have therapy so that when we are expected to sit with those whose trauma resembles our own, we don’t . . .

• Make it about ourselves.
• Find ourselves re-traumatized.
• Say something harmful.

I remember preaching about the healing of Jairus’ daughter when I looked into the congregation and saw the parents of a four year old who had died on Mothers’ Day that year. It was the first time they had felt strong enough to return to worship and I was preaching about a little daughter who had been healed to people whose little daughter had not been healed.

Dear God.

It’s going to happen. Someone who’s been sexually assaulted will turn to those of us who have also been sexually assaulted. The lectionary is going to land on Matthew 5:21-27 and there will be worshippers present who will have experienced violence, adultery, or divorce. Someone with fertility issues will be triggered when we preach about Hannah. We must be prepared for this.

I agree with those who say, “Of all the passages to use for an exegesis sermon – why not pick John 3:16-17? Why would you pick one that’s not included in the lectionary and will probably not be chosen for a sermon or Bible study in most ministry contexts?” Again, it was not a good choice for an exegesis exam.

And yet: we need to be prepared to talk about/ask questions about/exegete what’s in the entirety of the Bible. Are some passages more essential than others? Absolutely.

Still, we must prepare ourselves for real life. If it was too triggering for a seminarian to answer that particular question, then it would have been okay not to answer it with an explanation why. That response would have helped the writers of ordination exams in the future. It doesn’t help, though, to accuse the exam writers of many of the things they’ve being accused of.

Scripture is triggering. In some instances, we need to be triggered. And life is certainly triggering. And part of spiritual maturity involves learning how to move forward in our own grief and terror so we can sit with others in their’s.

Image is from an actual YouTube video telling the story of Judges 19 and, frankly, it’s creepy. Trigger warning.

March 13th is my birthday and – as it often happens – world events can impact what certain dates mean to us. I feel for those with birthdays on September 11 or December 7. I remember looking at the July 1988 calendar with HH and realizing that there was a date that month that would be changed forever when our FBC was born.

On March 13, 2020 my birthday was altered by a terrible event in Louisville, Kentucky.

Breonna Taylor, a 26 year old Emergency Room Technician was sleeping in her own bed in Louisville when at least seven police officers entered her apartment in search of a former boyfriend and/or his controlled substances. Three of the officers fired 32 shots into the apartment in response to one shot from her then current boyfriend who thought the officers were intruders. There were no controlled substances. The former boyfriend was ten miles away. And Ms. Taylor was killed.

Although some of the officers were indicted, nobody was found guilty until civil charges were filed by the family. Last summer, Officer Kelly Goodlett was the first officer convicted of a crime after confessing to conspiracy. As of this date, no one has been found guilty of killing her.

She wanted to be a nurse.

Most of you aren’t planning to give me a gift on my birthday in a few days, and I’m not asking you to give me anything (except maybe a prayer that God will continue to use me.)

And yet I am asking you to make a donation to The University of Louisville School of Nursing here in memory of an innocent woman who wanted to help people. There are other young women and men out there who could use our financial support in Breonna Taylor’s name. You can read about this scholarship here in an article that was published on what would have been her 27th birthday.

Remember her birthday: June 5. This June 5th would have been her 30th birthday.

It would be lovely to inundate this scholarship fund with gifts in memorial of Breonna Taylor. Thank you.

Image is a portrait of Breonna Taylor by the great Amy Sherald (2020).

I remember a college meal just after class registration in which friends were sharing their schedules for that semester. When asked, “What are you taking?” we all answered by faculty name, not by course name. Other graduates of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill in the 70s will recognize these professors: Jim Leutze. Grant Wacker. Kimball King. I never would have considered taking military history classes except that Dr. Leutze was teaching them. I easily remember the feast of sitting at the feet (or in the lecture hall) of these amazing men whose words stirred my imagination and prompted all of us to take what we learned to dinner conversations and late night gatherings.

I can hardly believe I was fortunate enough to learn from Krister Stendhal or Walter Brueggemann or Horace Allen in seminary. I remember it like I remember certain desserts I’ve relished.

And notice how all those teachers were white men. Today, I actually have friends who’ve been taught by Cain Hope Felder, Anna Carter Florence, and Yolanda Pierce. (Note Nora Tubbs – my high school Bible Study leader while she was in college – would one day to become the great preaching professor Nora Tubbs Tisdale.)

We are called to be lifelong learners and it matters who’s doing the teaching. Just last weekend, I learned from Aisha Brooks-Johnston about Flourishing in an Unpredictable World. I would have listened to her talk about banana bread. In a few weeks, I’ll be listening to Harvey Gantt and Hugh McColl talk about legacy. Yes, please.

Continuing education is essential for spiritual growth and maturity. It sparks our imagination and our dreams.

But here’s my point: it matters who’s on the faculty. I’ve also attended educational events with faculty who have not been successful at the very thing they are teaching. “Those who can, do; those who can’t, teach” is a quote from George Bernard Shaw’s play Man and Superman and it’s not true – usually. But sometimes it’s true.

Do yourselves a favor and take any opportunity to learn from Amy Jill Levine, MaryAnn McKibben Dana, Marthame Sanders, Matt Epperson, William Yoo, Nick Epley, Leidy Klotz, Nicholas Pierce, Scott Lumsden, Yolanda Pierce, Michelle Thomas-Bush, Yancey Strickler, Eboo Patel, Rodney Sadler, Shawna Bowman, Ashley-Anne Masters, Lisa Koons, Kate Murphy, Gail Henderson-Belsito and Jessica Vazquez Torres. Each is an exceptional teacher in particular topics.

Even if the class is called something like “Becoming the Best Poet/Pastor/Baker/Writer/Barista Ever” don’t take the class from people who are not themselves effective in those things. Always ask before signing up: “Who’s on the faculty?”

Image of Dr. Yolanda Pierce, Dean of Howard University Divinity School, teaching at Chautauqua Institute in 2022. Source.

With every good intention, some of my retired colleagues waited to retire until the church roof was paid off or The Family Life Center was completed. But yesterday, a not-retired colleague lauded the decision of a newly retired pastor who left “while leaving some things dangling.” This afforded a transition team to take ownership of a project. This gave the next leaders a piece of the story.

I’m not telling you to leave things a mess. Don’t wait to retire until there’s no money left to call another pastor. Don’t leave after kicking back for so long that there is no mission infrastructure. Plant seeds. Set up those who will come after you.

(Note: I continue to be profoundly grateful to BM for leaving me with a healthy ministry.)

We like to imagine tying everything into a neat bow before moving to our next thing. I know couples who are looking for the perfect moment to get married, have a baby, start a business. I have friends imagining the perfect time to retire.

Not sure there is always a perfect time for life transitions. Sometimes, maybe, but not always.

It’s not in our nature to leave some things unfinished and we recall – at the end of Lent – that among Jesus’ last words were “It is finished.” Sure there would have been more people to heal, more wisdom to convey, more lessons to learn. But he stopped. And he left some things dangling.

That’s where we come in.

Friends: don’t wait until “everything is done” to retire. The energy you think you are saving the church by “tying up loose ends” might actually be keeping them from growing and moving forward.

At this point in my life, it’s a regular question I ask of trusted colleagues: Is it time for me to retire? (Soon but not quite yet, I’m told.) I look forward to that day when I retire with all kinds of exciting possibilities dangling out there for the Church I love to choose.

No, it’s not about Presbyterians or The Institutional Church in general.

The Last of Us is an HBO drama based on a video game about what happens on earth when a human fungus exacerbated by global warming causes a pandemic that creates zombie killers. Maybe it doesn’t sound like your kind of entertainment, but it’s actually quite excellent. We see what – not surprisingly – happens when there are lots of guns and terror. There’s desperation. There’s heroism.

A Last of Us fan told me that this show verifies his belief that there is no hope for the world. I’m also a fan but I have a different perspective. I’ve never played the video game, so I don’t know what happens in the end, but my personal faith in what happens “in the end” of human life is fairly hopeful. I could not be part of The Church without the daily signs of hope I am privileged to witness – even in the throes of pandemic/environmental/corporate greed-tinged human life.

Every day I see people who choose to do the right thing. Every day I watch leaders decide to lift others before they lift up themselves. Every day I observe colleagues whose own lives are heavy with grief yet they sit with others in theirs.

And it’s also true that we have congregations that will close in the next 3-6 years. The last of their members are passing away. And the question is how will they exist as the last of that particular congregation?

• Will the last of these members continue to make efforts to serve their neighbors?
• Will the last of these members turn inward and serve only each other?
• Will the last of these members look forward to leaving a legacy of hope and faith?
• Will the last of these members remember that we are promised resurrection – and it happens on earth as it happens in heaven?

There is great beauty and hope we can offer even if we are the last – the last sibling, the last neighbor, the last church member. The God who creates us to be in community with each other promises that – with resurrection – comes community again.

Image from the HBO drama The Last of Us. Nick Offerman plays the role of a lifetime in Episode 3 as a Massachusetts survivalist.

We either trust our pastor or we don’t.

Through the years, people have entrusted me with information about everything from their addiction struggles to their sex lives. I’ve been asked to see the engagement ring before anybody asked, “Will you marry me?” I’ve been shown wallpaper samples before purchasing the new wallpaper.

But I’ve rarely been entrusted with information about parishioners’ money: how much they earn, how much they’ve inherited, how much they paid for their car, how much they owe in credit card debt.

I am more likely to know what kind of birth control someone is using than what they take home in salary. And that’s okay. People get to pick what they will and will not share with their spiritual leaders.

But I believe that the pastor must know what everyone is giving to support their congregation. How much. With names.

Again – either we trust our pastor or we don’t.

For the first half of professional ministry I self-righteously declared that I never knew “what people gave” as if this made me a hero. But it was a mistake.

I know what each of our congregations contribute to our Presbytery. If I were still a parish pastor, I would insist on knowing what each person/family contributes. And it’s not so that I’ll drive faster to the hospital if “the biggest giver” has a heart attack. It’s not so that I’ll know who to visit first when there’s a capital campaign to replace the roof.

It’s about spiritual health. If I know that M. gives $20,000 every year although she lives frugally, that tells me something I need to know. M. took public transportation in her later years, not because she was too old to drive. She told me she’d rather give the church the money she’d be spending on a car.

It’s about spiritual health. If I know that the P. Family doesn’t financially support the church, even though they loudly announce that they will “cut their pledge” if they don’t get their way on something, I better understand the P. Family’s spiritual maturity.

It’s about spiritual health. Individuals who give generously to the mission of their congregation (and beyond) are showing with their actions what they say with their mouths: that serving the hungry and homeless is important to them, that educating our children is a priority for them, that growing the church is critical for the sake of the neighborhood, the community, and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Do I believe that pastors should ever share that information with others? No.

Are all pastors trustworthy to keep this information confidential? No.

And yet, imagine for a moment, if what we contributed for any and all charitable giving was made public? I’m not saying it should be, but if it were, would we feel embarrassed or would we feel grateful that we could make those contributions?

Giving money is one of the essential spiritual disciplines and it makes us feel grateful when done well. It’s not even about amounts. It’s about ability to give. And so we are thankful when we have the ability.

My personal and professional life is awash in Money Things.

Personal:

• Working on becoming completely debt-free (like one of those annoying people on Instagram #debtfree) My recommendation for coaching/education on this is Bernadette Joy here. She especially works with Women of Color, but she will also work with White Ladies. And Gentlemen.
• Saving for Summer 2023 Sabbatical.
• Writing my Members of Congress about student loan forgiveness. (Before you roll your eyes, please remember that “unlike other forms of debt, such as credit cards and mortgages, Direct Loans are daily interest loans. On daily interest loans, interest accrues every day.“ Someone faithfully paying off this kind of debt might never be able to pay off the debt due to this predatory practice. Source.

Professional:

• Working on 92 Thank You Notes for 2022 congregational contributions to the congregations in my Presbytery and am making them as personal as possible because my mama raised me that way.*
• Encouraging congregations who refuse to financially support their denomination that they are taking food away from hungry people, youth conference scholarships away from teens, and counseling from depressed clergy. Also there will be no funds to help your congregation find a pastor, shepherd your seminarian, or help your treasurer calculate SECA.
• Helping congregations realize that not giving their Pastors and non-ordained staff even a Cost of Living Adjustment is a sin.
• Helping congregations realize that it’s not a good idea to make your Pastor a co-signer on the checking account.
• Helping congregations realize that it’s unhealthy to hire church members for paid positions in most circumstances. (It’s great if it works, but if it doesn’t, prepare for ugly church divisions. Also the parishioner turned employee loses their Pastor who becomes their boss.)
• Helping congregations stop hiring church members who need a job. (Personnel is not a mission project.)
• Helping congregations stop worrying about bullies who threaten to withhold money if they don’t get their way.
• Helping congregations talk about money as a spiritual tool.

It’s a problem that – depending on our sources – 32% or 40% or 67% of Americans could not cover a $400 emergency with cash. A huge contribution our churches could make would be financial education for all ages open to everyone. Not only would the information itself be valuable, but it would contribute to a culture of trust. Financial shame is rampant in our congregations. (This is a really good article from May 2016 by Neil Gabler.)

We’ve all heard that Jesus talked more about money than anything else. One of the most valuable gifts we can offer people is to talk about money as a tool for changing the world for good in the name of Jesus Christ.

I also believe it’s essential for the Pastor to know how much each person/family unit contributes to the Church. Stay tuned.

*For those of you who don’t know how denominations work, individual congregations make voluntary or required contributions to the higher councils of their branch of The Church (Presbytery, Diocese, Conference, Association, etc.) Those funds cover everything from the Pope’s salary (for our Roman Catholic siblings) or the Bishop’s salary (for our Anglican and Anglican-adjacent siblings) or my salary (General Presbyter) to everything from A-Z that might resource congregations: Anti-Racism Training to Zoom Set Ups. In my context contributions mostly help with expenses related to education for officers, grants for mission projects, youth scholarships, college chaplains, boundary training, ordination preparation, pastor searches, immigration assistance, background checks, and a very small amount for taking pastors and other leaders out for coffee.

“There is a certain part of all of us that lives outside of time.” Milan Kundera in Immortality

Our FBC is a 34 year old filmmaker and I recently re-watched the first movie he ever made with BE. He was eight. It’s an adventure film involving killer bunnies with a lavish soundtrack and curious special effects. (I’ve been threatened with bodily harm if I share the link.)

The boys clearly saw themselves as older in this film which they directed, wrote, and starred in. I’m guessing they pictured characters in their twenties. I wonder if little children playing house or doctor or teacher or wedding caterer (a favorite of our TBC in elementary school) picture themselves being older while pretending.

One of my favorite writers, Jennifer Senior (age 53, feels 36) wrote this article for The Atlantic about the phenomenon of imagining ourselves to be younger than our chronological age. She refers to several studies as well as individuals who feel younger than they are: Psychologist David C. Rubin (age 75, feels 60), Law Professor Richard Primus (age 53, feels 35) and Writer Molly Jong-Fast (age 44, feels 19).

As another birthday is weeks away for me, all the age things whirl in my brain.

I will be 67 and – depending on the day – feel like 36 or 50 or 70. I noticed recently when traveling by plane that everyone wanted to help me lift my carry-on into the bin or give me their seat on the shuttle. It was confusing until I realized that I probably look like I can’t lift things or stand. And that’s just sad.

I’ve just recently realized that I’m probably going to live to retirement and so I should probably make plans. My siblings and I continue to be shocked that we are alive past 60 considering how young our parents were when they died. Seriously. It’s shocking.

My life expectancy is 90 according to the Lifespan Calculator and I assure you I will not be serving in The Church anywhere near 90- at least professionally.. But I know I’ll be doing interesting things, as long as my body allows. The subject of retirement kind of bores me and even this subject of aging bores me. It reeks of Boomer Privilege as if we are the first people to experience it.

I would love to hear – if you are willing to share – what age you are in your head. I know 15 year olds who seem 40 and at least one 98 year old who seems to be no older than 60. Life is hard and sweet and important to ponder. May Lent be a good time for pondering over the next 40 days.

Image of Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle. She was 32 when playing Annie Reed in this movie. I was 37 at the time. I always wanted her to play me in my HBO series Church.

*But not if people are being hurt, bullied, or terrorized.

Niceness has been known to kill churches.

I’m not talking about saying “please” and “thank you.” I’m not talking about displays of consideration. I’m talking about conflict avoidance.

I grew up in the South and was taught not to be “ugly” in my behavior or comments. If someone told a racist joke, I was to smile and move on. If someone acted in a passive-aggressive way I was to accept it. If someone exploded in public, I was to pretend like it wasn’t really happening.

Today, after almost 40 years of professional ministry, I believe that “niceness” for the sake of avoiding conflict makes God unhappy. Bullies depend on bystanders to be nice. Sometimes, the most faithful thing to do is address conflict head on.

True stories:

• A church didn’t want to fire a preschool director for emotional abusing her students because her family had been members for three generations. It wasn’t until one of the other teachers reported her to Child Protective Services that she was finally let go.
• “The biggest givers” threatened to leave the church if the elders did’t follow their instructions. (Turns out, they weren’t even the biggest givers at all.)
• A member threw a hymnbook at the pastor on his way out of worship. Nobody wanted to address it because it would embarrass his wife.
• A committee moderator consistently trashed members of the committee who weren’t present and nobody came to their defense for fear she’d trash them at the next meeting.

When did we in the church conflate being “nice” with being faithful? Part of growing in spiritual maturity is holding each other accountable. That’s what Jesus did. We are called to be more like Jesus.

Instead we overlook bad behavior because we don’t want someone to be mad at us, or we don’t want them to “leave the church” or we are afraid we will become the next target. It could happen. Yes.

But a healthy Church holds people accountable in love. As we move into Lent this Wednesday, we need to do more of this.

PS My new favorite passage for Lent is Jeremiah 13:1-11 but I’m too nice/afraid to preach it. The Word of the LORD.

One of my colleagues – SL – shared something last week that has stuck with me about the work of pastoral leaders and his wisdom impacts how congregations select their pastors.

Countless church people tell me that – what they want in a pastor – are these skills and gifts:

• Good preacher.
• Able to bring in young families*
• Approachable and friendly*
• Able to connect with the community*

This is a deceptive way to call a pastor.

Instead of asking “What are we looking for in a pastor?” the better question for a church to ask is:

What is the work our church needs and who is the person to do it?

If your church needs to work on:

• Trust
• Financial commitment
• Long term conflict
• Short term conflict
• Any conflict
• Worship refurbishment
• Corporate or individual grief
• Anxiety that “the church isn’t what it used to be”
• Replacing the roof
• Systemic racism
• Staff relationships
• Administrative organization
• Connecting with the community

Then – for the love of God – call someone who will do those things based on past performance in other positions. What every congregation needs most is a spiritual leader who will love them and who can shepherd them in doing the work that needs to be done for this time and context.

I hear over and over that about a year into a new position new pastors realize that there is essential work to do that nobody told them about during the interview process. They realize that the church has called them “to fix things” but those things were never discussed in the discernment process.

Savvy pastoral candidates will see this a mile away and withdraw from consideration as soon as possible.

What work does your congregation need to do in order to be the Church God has called you to be? Be honest about that.

It’s not fair to call a pastor under the false pretenses that “things are great and we just want a solid preacher with charisma.” Please don’t do that.

Most pastoral leaders are called to serve God’s people by creating community, bolstering spiritual growth, and expanding God’s reign on earth as it is in heaven. It’s heartbreaking to go into a church excited about a call that allows them to do those things, when – in truth – there is a list of recognized or unrecognized issues to address. Life has enough surprises. Please don’t surprise new pastors with realities we could have shared before they moved in.

Also:

*It’s not any pastor’s job to 1) bring in young families, 2) be friendly, or 3) connect with the community. That would be the job of the members of the church led by the pastor.