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Moved by a link shared by MaryAnn McKibben Dana *on FB yesterday, I was thinking about the process of dying as it relates to the church.  All of us will die.  And while The Church of Jesus Christ as a universal entity will not die – I believe – congregations die every day.  Honestly, I observe dying congregations every day.  At the risk of sounding like a total pessimist, most of them don’t know they are dying.

I buried both parents in my thirties.   It was awful, and yet I agree that it would be harder to bury parents while in my 50s.  Worse in my 60s.  Unimaginable in my 70s.  It’s sad to lose parents at a young age.  But  it’s harder for the parents as they slowly, slowly lose their capacities in their ninth and tenth decades.   According to Michael Wolfe in “A Life Worth Ending” :

Seventy percent of those older than 80 have a chronic disability, according to one study; 53 percent in this group have at least one severe disability; and 36 percent have moderate to severe cognitive impairments; you definitely don’t want to know what’s considered to be a moderate impairment.

Wolfe also notes that the longer you live, the longer it will take to die.  This seems true even in Church World.

Only 68% of new church plants survive into their fourth year.  Presbyteries, Districts, Dioceses, and Associations (whatever the term of your denomination) might be quick to pull the plug if 1) they aren’t seeing “the results” they expected and/or 2) they are using dated metrics and don’t give a new missional community a fighting chance.  This blog post by Cameron Trimble is required reading for all of us who work in the church in terms of how we should be measuring growth in the 21st Century Church.

I spend a lot of thought and prayer these days on what to do about the congregations I staff that struggle with limited capacity for the ministry they once enjoyed.  Some are in a state of denial.  Some have been neglected.  Some dwell in what could be called “assisted living.”  Some fall below a “quality of life baseline.”  Some churches are “dwindlers;” they are slowly, slowly dying but no single precipitating factor will end their lives. And there are others who will not survive a crushing blow – the roof caves in, the pastor dies, the town dries up.

Sometimes is just time to die.  And yet, our churches usually do not want to die.

We human beings prepare for death by signing advances directives or living wills and yet when we are staring death in the face, an energy kicks in and We Want to Live.    Even Jesus had this moment.

How do we help congregations deal with the realities of lost capacities, the inability to rouse themselves, the increasing dependence upon others to do everything for them?  Do we pull the plug?  Do we abandon them?  Do we let them continue to dwindle?  After congregations celebrate their 75th, their 100th, their 175th anniversaries, it’s harder to close them – even if they are merely in palliative care.

Or we could let go and allow death, and then resurrection, to happen.

I don’t know where my parents are – in literal terms.  But I trust that they are safe and at peace in the presence of God.  I don’t know what will happen to our dying congregations, but I trust that something new and unimaginable is before us.  Note:  some of our “healthy” congregations are dying and I would love to give them a heads up so that they’ll make healthy choices for the future.  Again, please read Cameron Trimble’s “new scorecard” here.

Do we spend our time and treasure trying to resuscitate congregations?  Or do we let them go?

*And do yourselves a favor and pre-order MaryAnn’s new book Sabbath in the Suburbs due out in September.  You will be so glad you did.

As I’ve shared in a previous post, The Presbytery of Chicago offices moved to a lovely new building a few months ago which is shared with various other computer firms, non-profits, and academic offices.  Each time I meet someone new on the elevator, we have a brief chat about where we work. 

Last week, a guy in the elevator asked me where I worked and after I told him he said, “I was hoping to run into somebody from your office!  I saw your sign and have been wondering what you people actually do.”  And I said – with a straight face – “Actually, we save the world.”

It was good for a little laugh at staff meeting, but I was not being completely facetious.  I believe that what we do brings a glimpse of the Reign of God (i.e. Saving the World) into view.  Or at least it should.

I moved to Chicagoland from the city that is known for its variety of Saving The World Jobs:  every non-profit working against human trafficking, homelessness, poverty, AIDS, cancer, etc. has a DC office.  Young Americans flock to The Hill to save the world through government.  Others serve through the military.  The neighborhood where I lived in Northern Virginia was filled with former Peace Corps volunteers, women’s health advocates, embassy workers, and teachers.   We were all trying to save the world in our own little ways.

Many of us become cynical and bitter quite quickly.  Our efforts are sabotaged by bureauracies.  The movements forward are baby steps. 

But – I still believe – whatever it is we do to make earth as it is in heaven is worth both the long slog and the swiping away at red tape with everything we’ve got.

My job is both bureaucratic and pastoral.  I have endless rules to serve within, but some of those rules are self-imposed.  Manuals can be changed – and should be – if they bind us in stiffling ways.  Rules are meant to set us free, if they are set well.

A good day for me is when:

• Somebody’s call is affirmed and celebrated
• People are comforted, held accountable, inspired, and/or enriched
• Enemies are reconciled
• Individuals find holy relief
• Somebody new “gets it”
• A vision is cast
• A vision is acted upon
• God pops me in the head and reminds me that I don’t know everything

Happy Monday and blessings on whatever Saving the World activities you are about today.

Part of my job is staffing the Commission for Preparation for Ministry which – as the name indicates – is about preparing people who want to be professional ministers.  A couple of things:

• All of us are called to ministry, both inside and outside the doors of church buildings.  The person who sets up coffee on Sunday mornings is engaged in the ministry of hospitality.  The person who mows the church lawn is doing the ministry of beautification and welcome.  Bankers are about the ministry of helping people manage their financial assets and needs.  Steelworkers are about the ministry of creating safe structures.  Newborns are called to melt our hearts.  You get the picture.
• Some of us are called to a kind of ministry that brings order to the church and makes it possible to serve 1) more effectively and 2) according to our gifts.  People with excellent bedside manner and gifts of compassion and empathy are often called to be Deacons in my denomination.  Those called to be Elders have the gifts of spiritual maturity and wisdom (although they are often asked to manage church programs.  This is not the calling of PCUSA elders but the topic is best left for another post.) 
• We might have a sense of what God is calling us to do but actually the community informs this.  As we are growing up, certain teachers tell us we have a knack for numbers.  Friends, coaches, neighbors or random strangers notice that we are particularly good at physical things or musical things or literary things.  Parents might notice that we are blessed with certain gifts (although parents are not always reliable in terms of helping us discern our gifts.  Some parents think we can’t do anything.  Others think we can do everything.)

I’ve been reading some old and new articles and blog posts about ordination.  Tony Jones famously finds ordination unnecessary unless everyone gets ordained (or at least he did in this 3 year old post) and subsequently JoPa has created a 99 cent app (“for entertainment purposes only“) called Ordain Thyself.  It might be fun, but,  if we have to ordain ourselves, we are missing the point. 

The point is that others in our community are usually the first to notice that we are called to something different.  God might initially nudge us.  But whether your preschool teacher tells you that God is calling you to professional ministry at the age of four, or God personally calls your name in the night at the age of 52, our calling is confirmed by a community.  Maybe in the beginning it’s one or two people.  But those numbers increase as the journey continues and we find that more and more people are saying “God is calling you to this.”

Note:  the following list  of possible truths doesn’t necessarily mean you are called to professional ministry:

• You make good grades in seminary.
• You think it would be fun to officiate at your cousin’s wedding.
• You need medical insurance and a pension.
• If your name has The Rev in front of it, people will respect you.

Unlike other professional schools, it’s quite possible that a person could complete all preparatory schooling, pass all exams, and finish every random requirement and not be called to professional ministry.  This is a discernment process and the purpose of the schooling, examinations, and requirements is to confirm what you think God is telling you, while also noticing that more and more people are saying “Yes to the vest. . . ments “(sorry.)

Sometimes those who are charged with preparing seminarians are not helpful.  Among the comments I’ve heard from people commissioned to guide people preparing for professional ministry:

• We can’t remove her from the process now.  She’d be so disappointed.
• (Answering the question: “Why would we ordain someone to serve a ‘call’ to an interim associate pastor position that will last exactly one month?” We’re just trying to help a friend get a job.
• But he spent all that money on seminary.  We have to ordain him now!

Often money and time were unnecessarily spent because the seminarian refused to hear the “no.”  They wanted so much to hear “yes” that they rationalized the “no” voices along the way.  Or it could be that too many people were afraid to say, “No.”  They didn’t know how to say no to someone who clearly wants this.

CPMs and other commissions/committees charged with preparing people for this ordered ministry are often accused of throwing obstacles in the way, as if preparation for ministry is like fraternity hazing.  “We want you to pray in Koine Greek while leading youth group icebreakers while doing an extra unit of CPE.” 

It’s true that some people probably bully seminarians.  But most of what I’ve witnessed has been fair and supportive.  It makes sense to require Field Education in a site that is unlike your home church.  It makes sense to require spiritual direction and mentoring.  It makes sense to take Hebrew and Greek if you are going to be a Teaching Pastor and you use a Bible.

Ordination also removes obstacles.  Just as Paul had certain credentials as a Roman citizen that allowed him to share the message of Jesus in Rome, we sometimes need such credentials ourselves.  I have a friend who couldn’t work with YWAM in a certain country without ordination papers.

Ordination opens doors, not to mention the fact that it gives us authority in connecting with people of other faiths.  Although it’s not as true as it used to be, it even might influence political leaders when we are trying to get a license to open a shelter in a particular neighborhood or pressure a landlord to upgrade the bathrooms in his low income apartment building.

Honestly, there are people who perhaps never should have been ordained.  And there are others who will never be ordained although God is clearly calling them to serve in a special way.  We don’t always get it right.

But discerning God’s will for each other is part of our task as followers of Jesus.  Weekend Assignment:  when you see that someone (a child, a neighbor, a co-worker) is particularly gifted in something, say so.  And also feel free to share with your closer friends what are clearly not among his/her gifts. 

Someone in church once asked me to take a step back – away from the mike – when I was singing in worship.  I would love to sing hymns like Aretha.  But it’s not my gift.

Do these people scare you? And we need people of color in this picture too. Would that scare you more?

I’ve been called “a seasoned pastor” which means more than the fact that I’m middle aged.  There are lots of middle aged “new” pastors who were called to professional ministry as a second or third career.  Being “seasoned”  – I think – means I’ve done my share of preaching, teaching, breaking up church fights, mediating conflicts, and unplugging stopped up church toilets (both literally and figuratively.)

I was checking out the requirements for being a Field Education Supervisor in a particular seminary yesterday and saw that only “seasoned” pastors could supervise seminarians, and by “seasoned” they meant at least ten years of pastoral experience.  Interesting.

Many of my seasoned friends love the idea of mentoring a “young pastor” and we have a really (really) hard time with unteachable young colleagues.   But – O Seasoned Friends – maybe we are the ones who are unteachable as well.  If we learned to serve churches that no longer exist, we need a mentor under the age of 40.

I often talk lovingly about my former colleagues, and let’s just name names here because they are extraordinary pastoral leaders: Rob and Matt were both in their mid to late 20s when we worked together and I learned amazing things from them.  They mentored me.  No doubt about it.  When Matt would introduce me to friends as his “boss” I would recoil a bit.  Yes, I was his boss in terms of supervision, but we mentored each other every day.  I could share my whole seasoned wisdom thing and he could share technological, cultural, generational, and theological wisdom that can only come from a trusting relationship.

Trust is huge.  Matt and Rob could have given me any kind of constructive criticism and I would have listened.  They listened when I shared the same.

Growing 21st Century churches will thrive only with there is shared leadership and authentic (read it again:  authentic) mentoring between generations.  And it’s really more fun this way.

This post is dedicated to Rob, Matt, Tim, Gretchen, Steph, and Lauren with gratitude.

Remember the hidden portals in the Harry Potter books?  There was more than one way to enter a space or gathering, and often those entry points were not obvious.

21st Century Churches take note:  most of the people whom we are called to serve and love will never come through our doors on a Sunday morning at 11 am (or 8:30 am or 6 pm or whenever we offer organized worship gatherings.)  Yes, people who are looking for church will find us.  But there are many others who are either unfamiliar with institutional church practices or not interested in institutional church practices.  So imagine this kind of weekly schedule:

Monday nights:  Gathering to eat half-price burgers together at a local sports pub (easy entry for non-church people, random co-workers, friends)

Tuesday nights: Small group gathering at somebody’s apartment

Wednesday nights: Bible study at a different person’s apartment

Thursday nights:  Meet-up for a movie in local theatre, followed by optional plot debrief at a coffee shop or bar

Friday nights:  Board games at another person’s condo

Saturday mornings:  Help friends move from one apartment to another, followed by pizza for all the volunteers

Sunday night:  Worship gathering

This was once the average weekly schedule for one church made up primarily of young adults in DC area (although they’ve tapered their current schedule due to lack of staffing.)  DC is filled with 1) people who are not from there, 2) people who are new to town and looking for friends, and 3) single people and couples without children.  It was a brilliant schedule for connecting people who may or may not be looking for “a church.”  You could easily invite a new person to Monday Night Burgers and other activities before they ever meet the gang for Sunday night – if they ever do.  It was about community.  (Remember:  Belong-Behave-Believe.)

Churches that count on people to enter only through their Sunday morning sanctuary doors – whether that sanctuary is in a traditional church building or an art gallery – will fail to reach people who are longing for community.  Imagine a schedule like this:

Monday Night: Half price burgers at local burger place (good for singles, people with kids, couples, all ages)

Tuesday morning:  Spirituality for Parents Group in local coffee shop with separate room (good for parents who are home in the mornings, with or without their babies)

Wednesday after work:  Faith on Tap/Theology on Tap (dinner optional) in a local tavern with a speaker discussing various spiritual matters of the day (e.g. what’s going on in Syria, what’s going on with teenage moms in the county, what do the local Bahai neighbors believe?). About a 45 minute gathering so people can get home. (Good for busy people who want to connect and learn something interesting.)  Note: our Roman Catholic sisters and brothers might take issue if you use “Faith on Tap” since they’ve trademarked it.

Thursday night:  Bible study in local bar/coffee shop/community center/public library

Friday night:  Parents Night Out with pizza for the kids at church building (good for parents who need a date, or time to go grocery shopping; staffed by young adults or paid nursery workers/youth workers)

Saturday morning:  Weekly Random Love Bomb – gathering to take frozen popcicles to local park, serving free hot chocolate at a bus stop, raking a neighbor’s leaves, painting a person’s garage, doing everyone’s laundry at laundromat, handing out free bottles of water at busy intersection.  Just because.  No flyers.  No “come to our church” hand-outs.  (Good for everybody.  Totally fun. Short time commitment.)

Sunday:  Worship Gathering

The 21st Century Church will require numerous portals for entry in different places for different demographics.  How many entry points does your community have for new/not-yet-believing/shy people to enter?

Occasionally I’m asked to teach church officers, seminarians, and other leaders about The 21st Century Church.  Although my little road show gets tweaked each time I prepare to share it again, I am waiting for the day when everyone tells me that they already know that stuff.

Last weekend, after sharing what I know at a Presbytery retreat, I asked for a show of hands:

Who has already heard all this before?

Only two people raised their hands.  One was at a previous event where I shared the same material.  The other was a seminarian who learned about these postmodern shifts in seminary – thanks be to God.

What I share is neither original nor earth-shatteringly fresh.  My material comes from historians (Diana Butler Bass, Phyllis Tickle), friends (Carol Howard Merritt, Mary Ann McKibbon Dana, Bruce Reyes-Chow, Matt Pritchard), assorted other rock stars (Brian McLaren, Steve Knight, Troy Bronsink, Amy Moffitt, Theresa Cho, Mike Stavland, Mike Croghan, Shane Claiborne) and the staggering stats from the Church Leadership Connection of the PCUSA.

I talk about missional ecclesiology, relationship over membership, radical hospitality.  That sort of thing.

My hope is that this talk will be utterly boring because it’s old news.  I long for people to tell me that “everybody in church already knows this stuff.” So far, that’s not the case.

A very kind man recently challenged one of my ideas:  Many of our church buildings share space with community groups like AA or Scouts.  I suggested that – rather than be mere landlords – we get to know the people who come into our church buildings for their meetings.  I shared that – in my previous congregation – we took a random week out of the year and opened up a makeshift coffee shop in the lobby every night for a week.  We offered free lattes and mochas to everyone coming through our doors for everything from 12-Step groups to computer training classes.  We wanted to get to know who they were, share free coffee drinks, and make a connection.  What else did they need?  How was our space serving them?  How could we help in new ways?

The very kind man told me that my idea wouldn’t help in his church – where they offer their space to Boy Scouts – because the Scouts are already active members of various churches in the area.  Then I suggested that it doesn’t matter that they are members of other churches.  The point is not to recruit new members.  The point is to make connections and create community.  Even when our conversation was over, the very kind man didn’t seem to understand what I was talking about.

We don’t reach out into the community, make connections, serve our neighbors because we are trying to recruit new church members.  We do it because we love people and want to share the compassion and hospitality of Jesus.  We want to create community.

My hope is that a day will come when those of us in the institutional church will relinquish the practices and habits of the 1950s church (it’s about membership!) and reclaim the practices and habits of the first disciples of Jesus (it’s about sharing Christ-like compassion!)  And there are a couple of other things we might need to change.

Throughout my childhood, our family revered a particular Pastor’s Family who were family friends.  They were Perfect.  The father was left a legacy of warm pastoral leadership wherever he went.  The mother raised a large family alone with a gracious smile.  The kids were lively and fun.  We learned later that the Perfect Pastor’s Family experienced all the frustrations, brokenness, and burdens as everyone else.  Either we didn’t want to see it or they didn’t want to disclose it.

Katherine Willis Pershey has disclosed one normal pastor’s family experiences in the first years of ministry.

Everybody has a Call Story – even if you are a secular person and don’t articulate your story as such. All of us in professional ministry – especially clergywomen – have stories to share beyond our Call to Ministry Story.  The juicier stories are actually about what happened after we followed that Call.  Katherine’s version involves real life struggles that will inform anyone who wants to know “what it’s really like” out there in the parish. Or at least at the pastor’s house.

Her version involves addiction, marital struggles, and the exhaustion that comes with juggling relationships and work.  This is an especially excellent read for seminarians, young clergywomen, and anyone who longs for a rich life in the throes of real life.  Read it.

Friends – It’s been a week with no time to write much more than emails.  Even my blog posts went by the wayside.

Look out for a book review asap on Katherine Willis Pershey’s excellent Any Day, A Beautiful Change .  Really, you should read it this weekend.

For a long while I couldn’t watch Mad Men.  It was just too depressing.  (Fodder for a different blog post.)

But we started watching Season 5,  and the story arcs involving Peggy (the feisty –  if dowdy  – career woman who has never married) and Joan (the sultry secretary who married for security, then became a de facto single mom) are nothing less than brilliant.

And then along comes Tracy McMillan who has written a book for single women:     Why You Are Still Not Married. (ouch)  Maybe one answer is:  I don’t want to be married.

I write this as a married woman (25 years this August) even though – at the age of 30 – I was pretty sure I would never marry.  I was a happy single person and had unknowingly tapped my inner Peggy Olson in terms of doing what I wanted to do without a husband.  At 27, I was ordained and serving a congregation – twice engaged but never married.  At 28, I was kind of dying to get married – so lonely while serving a tiny church in a rural village.  At 29 I was wondering if I’d ever have a date again.  At 30 I freaked out a little – especially when someone at a cousin’s wedding reception asked me why I wasn’t married yet.

“Do you have some kind of personality disorder?” she asked as my champagne glass moved perilously close to her face,  before my sister gently placed her own hand on top of my champagne glass, as if to say, “Don’t bother.”

A year later, I was married.  It was honestly shocking how quickly my life shifted. By my fifth wedding anniversary, there would be three children.  And now, twenty five years into this, I like having someone to wake up to and share a life with.  But I think it would also be fine if I’d never married.  Maybe.  Who can really say?

Between the 1960s and the 2010s, marriage in the 21st Century has shifted considerably.  Check out Mark Regnerus’ marriage and divorce stats here.  We’ve all seen this on Facebook as a response to criticism of gay marriage as a threat to traditional marriage.

Back to the pain of watching Mad Men and reading Tracy McMillan’s commentary on marriage:  there is no wholeness in these people.  Married or single, gay or straight, we are created to live in shalom – wholeness and peace.

Just as the Early Church was known for treating women and children in a counter-culturally compassionate way, the challenge continues in the 21st Century Church.  Tracy McMillan’s article/book is unnecessary if the church successfully encourages women to be the people they were created to be.

I don’t come from a military family.  My dad was preparing to go to Korea but that conflict ended before he was sent to Seoul.  One of my uncles was a WWII vet but he returned home without injury.

I’ve served parishioners who returned from war as heroes and were buried in Arlington National Cemetery as old men.  Other friends returned with PTSD and they don’t talk about it.

The last member of my family to die in a war was my great-great grandfather Samuel Robert Edmiston who died on September 17, 1862 at Antietam – and he was fighting against the United States.  So Memorial Day does not have intimate bearing on my soul, in terms of having a close cousin or friend or brother who lost his life fighting for our country.

But Memorial Day has broad impact on us – as long as we remember why people have died fighting wars.  Just as MLK Day becomes merely a 3-day weekend if we forget the words and actions of Martin Luther King, Jr and other civil rights heroes, Memorial Day is about picnics and (finally) getting to wear white again, unless we remember that real people died for something greater than themselves.  And they had families and friends whose lives were altered forever.

Remembering them with thanks today.