A Church for Starving Artists

As a good Southern girl, I was occasionally admonished for being “ugly” which meant my actions were unattractive and unladylike.  Ugly behavior included sassing, whining, and gossipping.

On this Holiest of Weeks, we recall that a humble and just man  – sent by God to show us what love looks like – was brutally tortured because he stood up to worldly powers and privilege.  It was ugly in a way that made unladylike “ugliness” look ridiculously tame.

It was over the top – even for the Roman authorities – to torture and execute someone who had not committed murder, rape, or grand larceny. He had not caused bodily harm to anyone.  But, he had calmly challenged the political and religious leaders of the day.  And they crucified him for it.

Ugly behavior can ratchet up to monstrous behavior in no time.  We are observing such behavior in our beloved nation today:

• If we have to photoshop false images to make our point, we have stooped to ugly/monstrous behavior.
• If we have to deface and threaten people with whom we disagree, we have stooped . . .
• If we have to threaten someone to get our way, we’ve stooped . . .

The world in which we live can be true, noble, just, pure, lovely, and “of good report.”  But more often it seems to be deceptive, ignoble, unjust, dirty, ugly, and unworthy of praise.  The first Holy Week was such a time.

Nevertheless I believe that good will triumph.  Not to get too far ahead of myself, but . . . Easter.  And before we get all Scarlett O’Hara together, keep in mind that Jesus was crucified because he stood up to evil.

We are called to do that too.

Image is Philippians 4:8 with a personal reminder.

“Guac was unlike anyone else. He’s funny. Probably one of the most free-spirited people I know. He’s just absolutely beautiful, like a beautiful face, like an angel.”  Sam Zeif about his friend Joaquin Oliver — called “Guac” – who died 2-14-18 at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, Parkland FL

As we discern new ways to be the Church, I’m increasingly interested in the Cafe Plan. (Note:  This is not the same as a Cafeteria Plan of pick and choose your own theology.)  Coffee Shop Church is not a new thing, but Death Cafe is new to me.  Some Death Cafes meet in church buildings.  Others meet in homes and public libraries.

I have also heard of congregations/church coffee shops offering:

• Peace Cafes – interfaith gatherings to talk about important topics
• Bible Cafes – Bible study gatherings for the curious
• Food Cafes – tasty low cost lunches for the community

These cafe offerings would be most effective in locations that look more like a coffee shop than a church building.  Most Millennials and younger don’t do church buildings.

Imagine new congregations which serve their communities by feeding them food and scripture, offering opportunities to talk with people of other faiths or no faith, and offering opportunities to talk about an issue that every human will eventually face: death.  This would be a great model for church – but that’s a topic for another post.

This post is about death – a topic we deny and find uncomfortable until it hits us up close and personal.  This story on All Thing’s Considered yesterday touched my heart.  How many of us simply need to talk about death, to share our death stories, to cry – perhaps years after our losses – with people who won’t tell us to get over it?

High School Senior Sam Zeif: “Yeah, we finally did the march, and that’s something we’ve all been anticipating for a month now. I don’t know when or if or how I’ll ever get over this, I don’t want to get over it because I feel like getting over it is sort of forgetting.”

Yes, we also need grief counselors and therapists and chaplains.  But sometimes we simply need to talk over coffee with people who get it, who don’t try to fix us.  The church could offer opportunities for this – but, for the love of Jesus, please don’t read this blog and think to yourself, “This could be a new way to get members!”  No, that’s not it.  It’s never about that.

It’s about being God’s people out in the world where people are hungry for food, eternal meaning, relationships, and deep peace.  And maybe coffee.

Images from Death Cafe and Reuters

I thank the Almighty for Jill Hudson, author of books and sharer of wisdom.  I refer people to her books at least once a month.

Jill Hudson has taught church leaders about conflict for decades now.  Here’s one Presbytery’s notes on her teaching.  In a nut shell, there are five levels of conflict:

• Level One Conflict – There’s a problem to solve.  (Which day will the pastor take as his/her Sabbath?)  The issue is clear and specific and easily resolved.
• Level Two Conflict – There’s a disagreement. (The Music Minister and the Pastor disagree about the amount of featured music during worship.) The issue might birth a creeping distrust but it’s actually possible that “everybody can win.”
• Level Three Conflict – There’s a contest.  (Some church members are angry about same sex marriage and others are happy about it, and the increasingly heated contest is about whom Jesus loves best.)  The issue will result in someone “winning” and someone “losing.”  Accusations and behaviors that bear no resemblance to Jesus ensue.
• Level Four Conflict – There’s a fight.  (Mr. Been-Here-Forever wants to destroy the Pastor who – unlike former Pastors – doesn’t give Mr B-H-F complete freedom to do whatever he wants in church leadership.)  It’s ugly.  Ugly accusations.  Ugly outbursts.  It’s ugly enough to make a lot of people – including the pastor – leave.
• Level Five Conflict – There are irreconcilable differences/horror movie-worthy motifs. (A Parishioner spray-paints ‘Satan Lover’ on the Pastor’s garage door.)  Things are out of control.  Dogs and cats fighting in the streets. Everybody’s hair’s on fire.

Every pastor and every congregation – and every business, educational institution, government office, non-profit, family and neighborhood – has endured conflict.  Jill Hudson specifically talks about congregational conflict and at a leadership gathering on Wednesday, she reminded me that “Pastors rarely survive a Level Three or higher Conflict.”  

I once survived a High Three.  In fact, I thrived after that conflict and stayed with the congregation I was serving for fifteen additional years.

I’ve been prayerfully analyzing how and why I survived and it occurs to me that – instead of The Perfect Storm – I experienced The Perfect Calm.

The Conflict: Beloved church member who was also on staff was let go for cause.  Because we loved her and her family, we asked for the elders to keep the details confidential.  She went on to greater things.  The congregational went on to greater things.  Jesus reigns.

How was this possible – especially when there were shades of Level 4 (sacks of dirty diapers left in my driveway, personal threats to my safety) and Level 5 (someone declared a fatwa against me.)?  The answers – which were blessings from heaven and not a result of my awesome leadership – are the same answers that mark a thriving church:

1. The congregation was not stuck.  We had new members all the time and no one ever said, “We’ve always done it this way” because we rarely did anything the same way.  The congregation was too transient for that to happen much.
2. There was no gossip – at least about this situation.  20 people knew every detail and 20 people kept confidentiality for the sake of healing and wholeness.
3. Communication was excellent.  There were warnings to the staff member.  There were records kept.  The whole board was informed of all the specifics.  The congregation was informed as much as possible.  There were public conversations to answer questions.
4. The congregation trusted their leaders.  We shared that the elders’ vote was unanimous and that fact indicated to church members that Elder X (a much respected leader) and Elder Y (another respected leader who rarely agreed with Elder X) and Elder Z (who was new but growing in leadership skills) had all agreed about this decision.  And that also impressed church members.  Parishioners didn’t have all the details about the situation, but they didn’t need them.
5. The Presbytery was visible and appreciated.  Neighboring church leaders stepped in to support the congregation on behalf of the Presbytery.
6. The elders backed up the Pastor during this stressful time.  Instead of pulling the Pastor aside to say, “You need to leave,” the Pastor was surrounded by elders who said, “It probably feels tempting to leave right now, but we trust you to get us through this.”
7. We prayed (a lot) and the Pastor discovered that trusting in God was her most essential recourse.  Note: there were moments when I prayed for God to give me the right words, my mouth opened, and the perfect words came out.  That was the Holy Spirit right there.

Conflicted times are not calm times . . .  unless God is in total control.  Note:  God uses more than “thoughts and prayers.”  God also works through faithful Elders, hopeful Pastors, extraordinary Educators, gifted Musicians, solid leadership training, theologically wise children, and Jill Hudson.  Thanks be to God.  And hang in there.

Image is the church fight scene from The Kingsman.

It’s common to hear that organizations are striving to become more nimble these days.  What does that mean for a church?

• The worship bulletin says we are singing Hymn #100 but at the last minute we switch to #84?
• Maybe we’ll have Bible study this week and maybe we won’t?
• There are no set office hours?

Uh, no.  That’s not what it means to be a nimble church. Processes and schedules are not the issue. In fact, processes and schedules can actually set us free to be more nimble in other, more creative ways.

Not nimble: Creating something new and requiring every detail to be spelled out and every question to be answered before giving it a chance.

Nimble: Having a basic plan, consider the “what ifs?” and then try it.  We can tweak details later.

Not nimble: Creating something new, loving it, and then institutionalizing it “forever.”

Nimble:  Agreeing that youth cotton candy sculpture contest was a blast but it’s okay if we don’t do it again anytime soon.

Not nimble: Discerning a fresh idea for mission and making the creators jump through 7 hoops before they can carry it out.

Nimble:  If it falls within the core values and the budget of the church, we try it.

Not nimble: Designing our staff the way we’ve always done it.

Nimble: Designing our staff based on our community’s particular needs.

Mary Ann McKibben Dana’s new book on improv comes out May 8th and I hope you’ll pre-order it like I have.  Being nimble includes being open to improvisational ministry – which makes total sense in these days when cookie cutter churches and “business as usual” don’t work anymore (if they ever did.)

We human beings are healthier physically when we stay nimble.  Organizations are healthier when we are organizationally nimble too.

Those of us who like to know exactly what to expect might find this uncomfortable.  But just as our world is quick and shifting and full of surprises, our ministry must be prepared, as well, to be quick, shifting and full of surprises!

Image source.

. . . is to help somebody know that they’re loved and capable of loving.

The Reverend Fred Rogers

As I travel today, there’s no time for a real post, but I’ll leave you with this and hope you’ll join me in buying tickets.  Opening day is June 8th.  Have a lovely day.

Today at an address in New Hampshire, the President said the United States must “get tough” on opioids. “And that toughness includes the death penalty.”  The image at the top of this post is what immediately popped into my head.  I believe that the President was referring to the death penalty only for the people on the left of that photo.

One of the reasons why so many black and brown men have been incarcerated is because the laws are harsher for black and brown men.  I can name many young white men who have used and sold illegal drugs and not one has been jailed.

This is not about getting tough on opioids or other illegal substances.  I fear that this is another “opportunity” to destroy men of color.  Or maybe the death penalty comment was just a hyperbolic remark tossed out for cheap applause with no intentions to follow through.

Either way, addressing opioid addiction is crucial.  Addressing the uneven incarceration of men of color is also crucial – and it’s been an issue for hundreds of years in this country.

Two blog posts in one day is not my norm.  But I couldn’t not say something.

Images are of actors playing drug dealers.  On the left are characters from The Chi (which is one of the best shows on television if you are looking for something to watch.)  On the right are actors from “The Preppie Connection” based on the true story about student cocaine dealers at Choate Rosemary Hall.  The white kid was arrested and convicted.  He got five years of probation and no prison time.

The Loyola Men’s Basketball team wowed fans all weekend, first defeating Miami and then defeating Tennessee – two teams that outranked them throughout the season.  The secret to their success includes a team nun and a wall of culture.

Every family, every organization, every spiritual community lives by sayings and norms often passed down from generation to generation to the point that it becomes part of our DNA.  Sometimes they make no sense to outsiders as in these Loyola ditties:

• Ride the Shoulder High
• Ball-You-Man
• Get Out of the Mud

Loyola’s cultural sayings are painted on their locker room wall and all that really matters is that they know what the sayings mean.

What are the (honest) cultural sayings that you would paint on  your church office or sanctuary walls that reflect the reality and aspirations of your organization?  Would they look like this?

• Always Look Backwards
• We Heart Secrets
• Gossip is Our Life Blood
• Fail and Be Shamed
• Cast Them Out

Or this?

• Let’s Try It
• Expect the Best of Each Other
• Relationships Over Rules
• Who’s Not Included?
• Tell the Truth

Ingrained systems can keep congregations, mid-councils, and other non-profit organizations stuck and dysfunctional or can set them up to move forward and thrive.  If we do not know what’s on our proverbial wall of culture, we will continue to perpetuate unhealthy practices.  

Our culture spells out what we value, what we tolerate, what our true core values are (as opposed to what we say they are.)  It would be interesting to ask our boards and staffs:  What’s on our Culture Wall?

Image of Men’s Basketball Coach Porter Moser in front of Loyola’s Wall of Culture.

Take four media leaders:

• One grew up with no religious tradition.
• One is a pastor’s kid who never really felt “the faith part” of his religious tradition.
• One is another pastor’s kid who explored a variety of faiths before returning to her father’s tradition.
• One is a Muslim American who grew up surrounded by evangelical Christians in Alabama.

They got together this past week in Austin for a South by Southwest conversation and it might have changed my life. The panelists – Ana Marie Cox, Ben Howe, Noor Tagour, and Bree Newsome – spoke about some of the authentic spiritual needs of people in every generation, tradition, and political demographic. Please listen here.

They range in age from 24 to 45 which is “young adult” only if your denomination’s average age is 60. But the next time someone says  . . .

• Where are all the young people?
• Why don’t young people come to Church?

. . . invite them to listen to the South by Southwest podcast.  They might feel uncomfortable (there’s a Muslim on the panel!) or sad or scared or tired.  But I deeply believe that the future Church will look and sound more like this panel conversation than what happens most Sunday mornings in sanctuaries throughout this country.  What’s the future Church going to look like?

1. There will be more conversation and less sermon.  Someone (a theologically trained leader?) might start the conversation, but there will be more back and forth, more grappling, more group spiritual direction.
2. There will be more focus on faithful action that brings positive impact.  More active service, and less “thoughts and prayers.” More worshipful work and less sitting in pews going through the motions without knowing why.
3. We will remember that God is in control. We tend to nod and say those words while digging in to cling to our institutional power, pet projects, and deep-seated belief that our way is the best way. Letting go is perhaps the holiest practice of 21st Century ministry. (And speaking of letting go . . . )
4. We will let go of finding common ground or agreeing in our divided world.  “There are as many religions as there are people,” said one SXSW panelist.  The goal is not to make everyone agree.  The goal is to love each other in spite of our differences. Changing each other is not the same as loving each other.
5. We will acknowledge that God is God is and we are not.  We will remember that no one – not Franklin Graham, not Jerry Falwell Jr, not even Pope Francis – speaks unequivocably for God.  We cannot know what’s best for other people.  We cannot assume that God is on our side.  We must trust God to know what’s best.  We must seek to be on God’s side.
6. We will remember that people don’t solve issues.  God solves issues.  We are simply tools for transforming the world, and we pray that we do this faithfully. (This is true even if we don’t acknowledge it.  I don’t care that Stephen Hawking didn’t believe in God.  Hawking’s life is still a miracle.)
7. We will remember that relationships are everything.  If we are in a congregation – whether it’s been 6 months or 60 years – and we do not have soul mates who hold us accountable for the way we live, we are missing out.  A deep relationship with God and with God’s people is not only possible; it’s essential for spiritual growth.
8. Spiritual communities will increasingly be about building resilience.  In these days of overwhelming levels of violence, corruption, addiction, indebtedness, and trauma, there will be an increased understanding that we cannot endure without a power that’s greater than ourselves.

None of these shifts are new.  Some of us have been writing and talking about them for a while.  What’s new is that this conversation happened in a world famous, secular event.

We in organized religion must also remember that Jesus challenged organized religion.  This is a wonderful and (for those of us in organized religion) terrifying season.  But these times are not about us.  It’s all about trusting in God and deeply believing that God’s plans are better than our own.

This is especially discomfitting for those of us who are most spiritually comfortable with a sermon, a choir, and pews.  But just as God shifted the church in past eras regarding sermons, choirs, and pews these shifts are happening again.  And if God is doing it, it will be good.

Image from SXSW.  Left to right: Ana Marie Cox, Ben Howe, Noor Tagouri, and Bree Newsome.

“Everybody” knows that the 20th Century Church is pregnant and/or dying/flat.  “Everybody” knows that the 21st Century Church is going to be something different.  But most of us have no idea what that difference will look like exactly.

I have seen a glimpse of it and it wasn’t revealed at a church camp or a worship service or a conference or in a pilgrimage to a holy place (unless you consider Austin, Texas a holy place – which some people do.)  For the first time in the history of South by Southwest – that huge music and film event held every March in Texas’ capital city – there was a panel discussion on religious faith.

For the love of all things holy, please listen to this.  It’s an hour of your time featuring  Ana Marie Cox, Ben Howe, Bree Newsome, and Noor Tagouri. They share their personal faith stories and engage in a conversation about faith in something bigger than themselves in this divided 21st Century world in which we find ourselves.

What I heard impacts the Church in every way.  More tomorrow, but – please – check it out.  It changed my life and my perspective on ministry.  I hope it will change yours.

Image is the 2018 South by Southwest logo.

Like Brian McLaren, Bill Gates, and Whoopi Goldberg, 62 is my new age in 2018 and it feels amazing.  I’ve outlived my parents by several years – as some of you know – which means that every birthday brings both joy and deep appreciation.

Being 62 means I can retire early if I wish – although I won’t be doing that. And yet a constant thought is that I – as a Boomer – need to step aside unless I indeed carry the energy, intelligence, imagination and love necessary to continue in some professional role.  Actually I am beginning a new call this May.  Am I being an intransigent hypocrite?  I hope not.

I have written many times that once we clergy reach our 60s, we need to discern if it’s time to make way for younger leaders to step in and take our place.  It’s not easy to seek and find a new call in my 60s when many church nominating committees are looking – longingly –  for that stellar 30-something or 40-something or (maybe even) 50-something person who will bring a spark to their congregation/organization.  Am I fooling myself by thinking I can still offer a spark too?  I don’t think so and that thought has been affirmed by some faithful people in North Carolina.

I love that three-legged stool metaphor we Presbyterians tout. I can’t wake up one fine morning and decide unilaternally that I am called to a particular ministry.

One of the advantages of being among the oldest and most seasoned on a team is that we have the power to do more for younger colleagues in our 60s than we did when we ourselves were younger.  This is the most important reason to keep our hand in professional ministry in our 60s.  It’s not about us.

Here’s what someone with my age might be able to do in the church we love:

• Ensure that younger leaders are considered for service.  I am often asked for suggestions regarding people for positions on important committees and commissions.  Pastor Nominating Committees sometimes ask me to recommend candidates to be their next Head of Staff.  This is a privilege and opportunity to suggest people they might not ordinarily consider:  younger, browner, queer-er individuals whom I know to be rock stars although they might not be on that PNC’s radar.  I have the power to put excellent candidates on their radar.
• Step aside as often as possible.  When I’m asked to serve on a committee or commission myself, I have the privilege and opportunity to say something like, “Thank you.  I’ve actually served on this board before, but why don’t you contact (insert younger pastor’s name here)?
• Connect younger leaders to resources.  When letters from foundations and denominational programs come across my desk offering everything from money to educational opportunities, it’s not only my privilege and opportunity to pass that information along to younger leaders, but it’s my responsibity to do it.  And it’s fun.

Being a 60-something leader with privileges and opportunities is extremely fun but only if I use that power for good to expand the reign of God Ephesians 4:11-12-style.  It’s essential to have the kind of honest, trusting relationships with colleagues – of every age – that let me know when it’s indeed time to move on.  Ministry continues for the whole of our lives – even if we are bedridden and weary.  But ministry shifts and flows until we die.  It never stays stagnant.  It always makes way for new leaders to come in and shine to the glory of God.

So far, the sixties are pretty great.

Image of 62 candles – enough to set a room on fire.