A Church for Starving Artists

Every single person reading this can list what’s wrong with The Church – as a global institution, as a particular congregation, as the First Century attempt to connect as the Followers of Jesus. It’s human nature to focus on bad news perhaps. And when things are going well, we are not as lavish with words of joy as we are weighed down by words of sorrow. (When I was a hospital chaplain, nobody ever called me when a baby was born healthy.)

But since returning from sabbatical, I’ve had several days when Church has been the life-giving, life-changing, putting-a-spring-in-my-step community that God created it to be. Remember when Jesus said:

“Go and tell John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, the lepers are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, the poor have good news brought to them.” Luke 8:22

When Church is good, it’s great. When we see evidence of selflessness and generosity, when congregations vote unanimously to do the right thing, when neighborhoods are inspired by the vision of a congregation to serve the vulnerable, when loving people rise up to conquer hate . . . these are the things of an effective ministry.

Where I live and work, there are congregations organizing to provide affordable housing, people actively seeking reparations for those who’ve been cheated, whole neighborhoods coming together to support immigrants, and people paying attention when God calls them to take risks. Thanks be to the One who continues to create and speak and move.

How is your community of faith:

• bringing meaning,
• serving neighbors,
• getting people excited,
• giving you energy,
• making children laugh,
• giving you life,
• offering comfort,
• filling your cup,
• connecting people?

This is how we worship God.

Harvard Business Review has published not one but two articles on Psychological Safety in the workplace over the past 9 months here and here. If you are fortunate enough to have a healthy paid and volunteer staff in your office – or for my context – in your church, count yourselves most fortunate. And it’s way more fun to work in an organization where there is good-humor, joy, and safety.

Laura Delizonna defines “psychological safety” as:

The belief that you won’t be punished when you make a mistake. Studies show that psychological safety allows for taking moderate risks, speaking your mind, being creative, and sticking your neck out without fear of having it cut off 

• The liturgist forgets to announce a hymn.
• The confirmation teacher tries a new strategy that doesn’t work.
• The sermon series is a bust.
• The stewardship chairperson is slow to get letters out.

If people trust each other in an organization, simple fails don’t matter much. It’s easier to be forgiving and gracious when the staff gets along well and have each other’s backs.

But when trust is lagging – especially when congregations are anxious after COVID or some other cultural transition – it can be tempting to attack those who make mistakes. And a lack of grace is contagious.

I’m seeing lots of trust issues post-COVID and maybe they’ve been there all along. And helping a congregation move from rampant suspicion to deep trust is a long process that might involve more heartache before it gets better.

But it can get better.

Amy Gallo identifies the importance of learning as a tool for creating trust.

• What did we learn when we moved from daily Vacation Bible School to evening once-a-week Vacation Bible School?
• What did we learn when we tried shifting the Annual Chili Dinner from October to August?
• What did we learn when volunteers filled in for the church secretary last July?

Why is psychological safety important? Gallo writes this:

First, psychological safety leads to team members feeling more engaged and motivated, because they feel that their contributions matter and that they’re able to speak up without fear of retribution. Second, it can lead to better decision-making, as people feel more comfortable voicing their opinions and concerns, which often leads to a more diverse range of perspectives being heard and considered. Third, it can foster a culture of continuous learning and improvement, as team members feel comfortable sharing their mistakes and learning from them.

I can imagine someone reading this with dread because they know that there is no psychological safety where you work. I’m so sorry. I’ve been there. It can get better.

If you are the boss, please consider taking the lead on fostering a culture where failure is an opportunity to learn. If you are not the boss, consider approaching your supervisor – perhaps with another staff member – and share that you’d love to work together to bolster a culture of serving together better. And how can you do that as a team?

It is an underrated joy to work on a team that makes each individual better for the sake of a healthier institution. And the whole reason to have a healthier institution when we are in a church context is to expand the reign of God and make earth a bit more like heaven. (I know because I work on that team now.)

Image from Amy Edmonson’s book The Fearless Organization.

Confession: I talk too much. I give unnecessary details. I repeat myself. I interrupt people. I have a story for everything. I’m trying to do better.

“Talk less. Smile More” Aaron Burr in Hamilton

After a three month sabbatical with lots of quiet time, the hardest thing about re-entry is that there are too many words.

• Meetings are unnecessarily long because too many unnecessary words are spoken.
• People dealing with conflict need to share stories, grievances, and explanations.
• Congregations notoriously prefer dealing with policies and procedures than doing real-life “Jesus died for this” ministry.

I’ve been to many, many meetings since September 4th. There have been so many words that I return home late every night without the energy to share my day with HH. I whisper, “I can’t talk.”

Many of us talk too much for countless reasons from our own insecurities to infatuation with our own voices to neurodivergence. I have some thoughts on this:

• Use bullet points. (Lots of text without much spacing makes some of our eyes glaze over.)
• Be concise. Tell me in a sentence what you need. I’ll try to do the same.
• Use parliamentary procedure (or some other form of ordering a meeting.) No you can’t just insert a comment while someone else is speaking. No you cannot have the floor if you came to observe a meeting.
• Respect people’s time. I might be retired and have all the time in the world, but I need to notice that you have kids to pick up from school or another meeting on your schedule.

What I’m not saying: we need to privilege efficiency over relationships. No. The great thing about using fewer words is that we can focus on the relationships.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Talk less. Smile more. Always ask: Did Jesus die for this?

Some of us are poetic preachers. Some of us are world-class administrators. Some of us have brilliant theological minds. And some of us are the Einsteins of bedside manner. Assuming that we in the Church want to know/imitate/follow Jesus, we are on the same team. Not an original thought.

As a person who works with seminarians preparing for professional ministry, pastors currently serving as professional ministers, and pastors between calls or retired, there are countless ways to serve God in and outside the institutional Church.

Nevertheless, I’ve noticed that healthy leaders of all kinds have the following:

1. Boundaries. No we can’t schedule your wedding for that weekend because I will be my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. And you can’t get married New Year’s Eve in the sanctuary because that’s not fair to the church staff. And you can’t borrow money from your parishioners. And it’s a terrible idea to sleep with the new members.
2. Perspective. We are nobody’s savior – even and especially when people say we are. We cannot fix people’s lives. Or The Church. We can love people, stand with them, offer support.
3. Vulnerability. Each of us deals with something that somebody considers shameful. Pretending our lives are anything close to perfect will do us no favors.
4. A Cohort. These are the people with whom we can be especially vulnerable.
5. Energy. If you don’t have anymore of it, it’s okay. You don’t have to do this same ministry forever.
6. Intelligence. Curiosity is good.
7. Imagination. Imagine sharing leadership with staff and volunteers. Imagine what might happen if we partnered with the Methodists. Imagine having worship Thursday nights.
8. Love. Bottom line: do we love these people?

Do we love God’s people enough to share difficult truths, stand with them when they have to share difficult truths with someone else, forgive them, encourage them, hold them accountable, offer them grace?

Congregations: do you also acknowledge that loving your church leaders involves sharing difficult truths, standing with them when they have to share difficult truths with someone else, forgiving them, encouraging them, holding them accountable, offering them grace?

Because we are all on Team Jesus. Aren’t we? It’s all about love.

Church World is rallying/kicking off/starting all the things this week – unless your congregation is among the eager ones who started everything in August.

It’s off to the races. But it doesn’t have to be.

Slow down. Take a deep breath (says the Pastor who is just back from a three month sabbatical.)

Read Alex Lang’s viral message “Why I Left the Church” if you haven’t already. And imagine giving yourself, your church staff, your congregation time to address things that feed the soul. (Spoiler alert: it’s not what we’ve been spending most of our time doing.)

Before we rush out of the door on the Tuesday morning after Labor Day, before we overfill our fall calendars, before restart/perpetuate destructive habits, can we train ourselves to ask this question over the course of our days:

How is this (meeting/event/conversation/moment) deepening my relationship with God and others?

Am I really listening? Am I open to changing my opinion? Am I aware this this person before me is a child of God?

It’s a start. Also Alex’s last sermon as the Head of Staff of First Presbyterian Church of Arlington Heights, IL is worth a listen. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I knew Alex Lang when I served in Chicago Presbytery. He was a bold choice when called to serve as Head of Staff of First Presbyterian Church of Arlington Heights in his early thirties. And as a person who has served alongside hundreds of pastors, I can confidently say that Alex is among the best of us.

The last Sunday in August was his last not only in that congregation but in professional ministry in general Please read his story here..

Consider the hard work of faithful pastors on this Labor Day weekend. Thank you.

Back from sabbatical and s-l-o-w-l-y re-entering so that I don’t lose all the good Sabbath habits from the past three months.

– I missed lots of social media birthdays. Know I love you, Summer Birthday People.

– I’m back in the office Tuesday. Have already deleted all my office emails from the past three months as I said I would need to do. If you sent me essential information from the summer, I didn’t see it and know our staff handled it if necessary.

– One of my early back-from-sabbatical goals is to figure out how to offer Sabbatical time (and funding) to all professional church staff, especially those who have never been able to have this time.

And finally – if you are eligible for a Sabbatical wherever you serve (church, academics, etc.) please take it. If you are offered one and you don’t take it, that’s on you. (No saving Sabbatical months to tack onto your retirement.)

Great to be back!

Image from The Garden of Gethsemane.

One of the hardest I’ve ever laughed in my life – and so inappropriately – is when I was the guest at a funeral and the soloist sang Feelings (whoa whoa whoa) by Morris Albert:

Feelings, feelings like I’ve never lost you
And feelings like I’ve never have you again in my heart

Just no.

This post is not about that but – sadly – the first thing that pops into my mind when I hear the word “feelings” is that song. I am hoping to replace that first thought pop-up with this instead:

“I don’t know how to feel” is more common that we’d like to admit. It’s seems easier to numb out. It’s harder to let the pain sink in, and yet feeling is what makes us human. It’s what keeps us from being plastic and fake.

A couple things about Jesus:

He felt things deeply.

He reminds us that – when we gather for the Lord’s Supper – we are drinking to remember even though many of us drink to forget.

To feel. To share feelings. To love and support each other. To make earth more like heaven especially when it feels like hell. This is what we were made for.

Two things:

1. I am not a “What if?” person ordinarily. I don’t spend time pondering “What if I’d met HH in seminary?” or “What if we’d accepted that call in ____?”
2. I’m not writing this so that you will respond with being sorry my Mom died so young. Yes, it was a life-altering experience and parishioners from those first years after she died still remind me how much I choked up when I was their pastor during prayers and sermons and ordinary conversations. (Romans 8 was a challenge to say out loud even though I believed it.) It’s not the most shattering thing in life to lose your mom when you have a six week old baby. But it was not easy.

Mom would have been 90 years old today.

More to give myself a moment’s indulgence rather than feel sad or sorry for myself, I spent time over the weekend imagining “What if?” What if she were alive today?

I imagine her to be in good enough health to be able to have dinner at her favorite restaurant – The Angus Barn – with her kids and grandkids and all our spouses over the weekend. And Dad – who I imagine would be there at age 93 if she were alive – would need a cane even though he left it in the car because he’s always been that guy.

(He died just after she did of a broken heart. And also non-Hodgkins lymphoma.)

She would have had 13 grandchildren and five great-grandchildren with another one on the way. We would probably have gathered for an exhausting time over at C&C’s in Raleigh – after dinner – with cake and ice cream and all the great-grand babies. SNE would have baked not one but two of Mamaw’s pound cakes. (Big crowd.) SET would have helped her pick out a cute outfit.

We would have laughed hysterically about those times Mom and Dad and Mamaw and Papaw played Rook late into the night with color commentary after each hand. Or the time Mom, C, and I watched Team USA beat Russia in the 1980 Winter Olympics and we lost our minds as if we knew anything about ice hockey. There would be another 35 years worth of stories.

Dad would have commented that Mom’s always been “a jewel.” He would have gotten a little weepy when he said it.

I’d rather have had my mom for only 32 years than have any other mom for a longer lifetime. The truth is that her lifetime was excruciatingly short and her death altered all of our lives. But HH and I try to keep her alive by talking about her and Dad often. I have lunch on her birthday every year with a mom I admire.

If you knew her (she has two surviving siblings, 20 surviving nieces and nephews, and 19 first cousins) I’d love for you to share a memory in the comments. Or just thank God that we all get to know each other.

As the global treasure Nelba Marquez-Greene always says, “God bless especially the grievers.”

To be called “The New Black” means something’s newly popular and – often – in the news. Not only have pink (the Barbie movie) and orange (the TV show about women in prison) been called The New Black, you don’t have to be a color to be considered. Coding, Physics, and Cronuts have each been “The New Black” in their own contexts.

I wonder if Anxiety is (and has been for a while) The New Black.

On Sabbatical, I’ve had time to read multiple newspapers and listen to several podcasts each day. And every single day there are multiple pieces about anxiety to the point that it increases my own personal levels of anxiety. (i.e. worrying about worrying)

• Young people are experiencing more anxiety than ever according to the American Academy of Pediatrics as reported by CNN.
• Parents are also overwhelmed with anxiety according to this article.
• Anxiety is good for business, says The Wall Street Journal.
• Anxiety is good for giving us a kick in the pants, again from the WSJ.

Current mental health statistics reveal an increase in anxiety globally.

And have you noticed how the retail industry has literally banked on anxiety since the beginning of time? The wrong deodorant = social disaster. The wrong tires = unsafe driving. The wrong college = future limitations. The wrong disinfectant = disease. The wrong face cream = aging. The wrong pharmaceuticals = more anxiety.

The koine Greek work for anxious is μεριμνάω (merimnaō) and it shows up over 20 times in the New Testament. Obviously anxiety is not a new issue.

But as we Church People consider what breaks God’s heart in our post-pandemic, politically divided, gun-saturated, individualistic culture, addressing anxiety seems to be a place to start. Are we adding to the anxiety or relieving it? Are we offering a community where sharing anxiety is safe? Are we offering a message of resilience – not because of who we are but because of who God is?

The Future Church will truly be a sanctuary and by that I don’t mean that we will avoid conflict or the realities of a broken world. We will face our conflicts and address this broken world with the Truth that there is a different way.

Image of the mega-sized lotion I use to relieve stress. Frankly, it’s going to take more than lotion.

*I’m increasingly cognizant that using the word “Black” is fraught in that it impacts people with dark skin. I’m using the word here to quote a familiar saying.