A Church for Starving Artists

If over the past two weeks, we were blessed with 1) jobs and 2) time off from those jobs, today is probably The First Day Back.  “See ya next year!” we chirped to our colleagues in late December and now we return to our usual schedule.

Resolutions have already been made and broken, but unspoken goals are still swimming around in our heads.  Can we Have It All in 2015?  No.

Read this for background.

As I recently shared on FB, my 2015 hopes include inserting hearing aids into my ears, finishing a book I’m writing, and preparing – as stress free as humanly possibly –  for FBC’s wedding.  Oh, the list goes on and on in my head:  I also want to spend MLK weekend in DC and my birthday weekend in NYC.  I need new shoes.  And maybe boots.  (I still haven’t purchased Chicago-worthy winter boots even after 3 1/2 years in The Prairie State.)  People already tell me that I need to take a week’s vacation after the wedding.  I have two classes, one training, two retreats, and a week with my preaching group planned.  And my job is transitioning in a semi-huge way.

But what will I NOT be doing/having/wanting in 2015?  This is as important a question as it’s polar opposite.   Stating up front in January that I cannot do/have/want “it all” takes some pressure off, don’t you think?  What can I release?  What can I toss?

These questions are deeply spiritual. It takes some staring into space to figure it out.  It also takes humility and some serious vulnerability.  But here goes.

• I will not lose weight for FBC’s wedding.  I know many brides, bridesmaids, mothers of the bride, etc. who cut their calories for the sake of the form-fitting gown.  And it would be nice to be my own marriage weight for the August 2015 nuptials of my FBC.  But it isn’t going to happen. I’m not even going to try.
• I will not join a gym or do Pilates on a regular basis.  It would sound awesome to say “I spend four nights a week at the gym” or “I take Pilates some mornings before work.”  But I can’t do these things and do my job well, considering the commute and the hours.  It’s fine.
• I will not clean out every closet in my house this year. Okay, the foyer closet really needs it, but Too Bad For You, bedroom closets.  That over-sized Thomas the Tank Engine gift bag in The Washington Room closet will just have to stay there.  The zebra bag with baby gifts to dole out two years ago?  Probably won’t be sorted in 2015.
• I will not read HBR in 2015.  Yes, it makes me sound really smart and less churchy, but it also drives me crazy and I turn into a non-profit maniac with ADD.
• I will also stop reading articles like this.  This kind of cultural phenomenon makes me so crazy that I start to think that secretly I want to be one of these ladies in my deepest, darkest parts.  Some of them are wearing tiaras.
• I will just say “no” – without feeling guilty about it.  (2014 was a good year for saying “no” but I was still consumed with guilt. Upward and onward!)

So, I’m not expecting comments about what you will or will not do/have/want in the new year, but I hope you’ll ponder.

Image of First Lady Nancy Reagan discouraging children from using illegal substances.  (1987)

My seminary friend J includes this in her resolutions faith practices for 2015: Make grace the default response.

This comes the week that a member of the British royal family has been accused of participating in an international sex slave operation.  (I was about to call The Duke of York “the cute one” but then I re-read yesterday’s post.  My hope is that the 2015 currency in the Duke’s pocket is actually less about his appearance and more about his charitable work. And God help this guy if he’s guilty.)

Although we Americans ostensibly ascribe to the gracious notion of “innocent until proven guilty” let’s face it:  we rarely do this.

In my line of work, I receive reports about clergy misconduct which can run the gamut from child abuse to adultery to financial malfeasance. The process involves accusations, investigations, proceedings under oath, reports, and  – if necessary – consequences.  Let’s be honest: there are pastors whom “everybody” knows are being irresponsible, to say the least.   There are pastors that parishioners feel queasy about in some way, but they do not want to rock the proverbial boat.  And there are people out to get pastors for whatever reason.  Jealously?  Power struggles?  Evil?

It’s one thing to make our default response grace when someone cuts us off on the highway or breaks in line at the movie theater or refuses to quiet their children in the library.  But what if someone is accused – like the Duke of York – of something particularly heinous and life-ruining?  It’s tricky and fraught with crazy-making emotions.  But:

1. We have to trust.  Listen to the stories with open minds.  Prayerfully discern.  Mostly trust God who ultimately makes things right.
2. We have to support the victims – who are not always the obvious ones.
3. We have to hold each other accountable.  For the love of God, you all have permission to take me aside and hold me accountable if you observe me doing something that hurts the people I serve or God or myself or my dog.  Honestly, please tell me. I (and maybe you) have taken vows that deserve to remain sacred.

Even when it’s determined that someone is unquestionably guilty, we who seek to follow Jesus are called to act accordingly.  We all need forgiveness.  We all have fallen short.  We all carry something shameful in our lives.  I’m not saying we should not hold each other accountable (I’m talking to you, abusive seminary boyfriend.)  But what if grace was our (attempted) default response in 2015?

Image source.

I want to be Amy Poehler’s friend.   She says many pithy things in Yes, Please which I enjoyed more than this person. One of her bits of advice for life and love is:

Decide what your currency is early. (page 21 in the hardcover)

Maybe your currency is physical beauty or wit or brains.  But Amy counsels, “Let go of what you will never have. People who do this are happier and sexier.” True, but not completely true.

I will never sing like Aretha, write like Flannery, or cook like Julia, and I’ve accepted those realities.  I will never again look like my twenty-something self.  All okay.  Nevertheless, I believe our currency changes through the years.

Sometimes we exchange yen for drachma.  Or in other words, we once carried X in our pockets and now we are flush with Y.  Again – all good.  Or it can be.

What if this could be the year that we:

1- Figure out our prevailing currency situation.

2- Exchange some of our old (no longer needed) currency for what we need/have today.

3 – Circulate our currency well in 2015.

For example, I was once known for my baked goods.  They were excellent. Although it probably gave all my children eating disorders, we had a baked dessert for dinner almost every night during their childhood and our home was a gathering place that smelled of double chocolate muffins.   But now I am not known for prowess in the kitchen at all.  Empty nesting and late nights at work have contributed to this shift in identity from Betty Crocker to the lady who buys pre-chopped kale salad at Costco.  I am trying to accept and embrace this.

My currency used to be Active Mom.  I ran Teacher Appreciation week for over ten years in our elementary school and even my church personnel committee once included the line “Jan is a good mother” in my annual review.  Now I live in a community who has never known me as the mother of young children and it’s as if I’ve never had them.

We are coming off of a holiday week during which many returned  to their parents’ houses where they backslid into the currency of their teenage years.  Once again, we became “the smart one” or “the moody one” or “the funny one.” Actually we traded in those roles long ago.  We’re in different places now.

Imagine figuring out what’s especially precious and valuable about ourselves at this time and place, and then spreading it around.  It’s possible that our currency has changed.

Image of a 2015 Australian Gold Proof Year of the Goat coin.  It was all I could do not to include the question “What’s in your wallet?” in this post.

We have never been a big New Year’s Eve family.  I went to Times Square for NYE once in college, but it was raining and we stayed inside and played Monopoly.

But this is a holy night as we look forward to an uncertain but hopeful future. What gives me hope – in spite of the fact that I serve the institutional church in a post-denominational context, that I try to live as a Jesus-follower in a post-Christian culture, that I grieve being American in one of the most fractured periods of our nation’s history?  Several things.

Points of Hope on this last day in The Year of our LORD 2014:

• FBC is marrying our beloved SK in August which will unite families from Pakistan, Puerto Rico, Canada, Texas, New York, Virginia, North Carolina, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, and Maryland.  The gathered mass will include Christians, Jews, Muslims, at least one Buddhist, Agnostics, and Atheists.  There was a time when somebody would have been burned at the stake or stoned to death for this.  But we will be celebrating with people who are Different – as family.
• Churches in our presbytery and denomination will close.  This will be good because it means that those congregations are making faithful choices in light of changing demographics and culture.  And the funds that have perpetuated those congregations can be directed towards something new that makes God happy.
• People will fall in love with other people they have not yet met. This is always fun to consider.
• People will retire who need to retire.  Far from meaning that they are washed-up, unnecessary, or irrelevant, they will begin new chapters of their lives, and the organizations from which they retire can make healthy changes.
• Scientific, medical, technological, and spiritual breakthroughs will happen.  Makes me giddy.
• God will continue to speak and act.  This is the best news ever.

We have many choices tonight that will impact our tomorrow.  We can start the new year with a hangover/cranky attitude/wringing hands.  Or we can prepare to listen to the positive voices around and within us reminding us that we were created for something bigger than ourselves.

Happy New Year everybody.

Image of the Chicago skyline.

There are both sacred and profane names for this week between Christmas Day and New Year’s Day.  (See Urban Dictionary for the profane ones.)

Most of us however – whether in secular or non-secular professions – call this Vacation Week.  A Thursday to Thursday holiday means that we get a whole eleven days off – unless we work for scoundrels.  And yet . . .

This is The Most Pastorally Heavy Week of the Year.  Consider this:

• While suicide peaks in the springtime according to this article, it’s nevertheless a blue season for many people.
• There are lovers who thought they might receive wedding proposals at Christmas, but they were disappointed.
• There are adult children who were treated like their adolescent – or even preschool  – selves while visiting relatives and it didn’t go well.
• There are unemployed people who have little hope for a quick and easy hire in the first weeks of the New Year.
• There are addicts who will have spent multiple hours in 12-Step meetings.
• There are individuals with no families, no friends, toxic families, fake friends.
• There are people who could not “afford” Christmas this year.

You get the picture.

So what happens when professional clergy take the week off – which of course they deserve after a relentless Advent and Christmas Eve extravaganza? My hope is that we all notice that this is one of the toughest weeks of the calendar year in terms of emotional and spiritual needs.

And I hope that we reach out in compassion.  Has anyone taught us how to do this?  (Heads up:  this is an excellent goal for churches in 2015 – that this time next year there are dozens of people equipped in our spiritual communities to offer pastoral care during the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day 2015.)

Let’s take notice out there.  And be gentle with each other.

Image is the sculpture of The Prodigal Son by Charlie Mackesy (2009) 

I’m a late bloomer so some of these finds might be old news to you.  But they
made 2014 richer and better in my little world.  Enjoy!

1. Ta-Nehisi Coates wrote this article which may go down as one of the essential pieces of our time on race in the United States.  Required reading if we hope to understand the people who came to our nation as slaves.
2. Emiliano Sciarra invented the card game Bang! in 2002 but my family just discovered it in 2014.  Love. It.  Our favorite part: the cards are in both Italian and English, so we are learning essential terms like “Uccidere lo sceriffo!”  I have not yet won a round of Bang! but instead of being frustrated, I am in awe of Signore Sciarra.
3. Molly Zuckerman-Hartung is a Chicago-based painter whose art makes me think.  It also makes me happy.  Check here out here.
4. Maryam Mirzakhani is smarter than we are.  I would be content to hear her tell stories about her childhood in Iran or to watch her eat a sandwich.  She won the Fields Medal in 2014.
5. Brussel Sprouts became my go-to vegetable in 2014, redeemed after memories of nasty, overcooked versions consumed exactly one time in childhood in a meal that still leaves me gagging.  And now they are delicious.

Here’s to creativity and discover in 2015.  Happy New Year everyone!

Image of Maryam Mirzakhani and the beauty of math.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad.
Oscar Hammerstein II – 1959

1.  Congregations with the energy and fearlessness to make positive changes that alter the lives of their neighbors.

2.  Pastors who spend part of their study leave time learning something that has nothing to do with church (even though it still does.) Note: If you live in NYC, Chicago, or LA, check out Course Horse and take a class in Indian cooking or Dramatic Accents (!) or Black and White Photography.  It will feed your soul.

3. That moment when someone is telling her story and she realizes her true calling.

4. That time when someone is telling his story and he decides he can finally let go.

5.  Sermons that you think are dross but then someone shares that it was golden for them.

6. Those frugal church people who appear to have minimal income but leave a fortune in their wills to organizations trying to change the world for good.

7. Church leaders who relinquish their long-time responsibilities to let new people try their hands at it. (Yes, I’m talking to you, Superintendent of the Sunday School Emeritus.)

8. Pastors who retire before the congregation thinks they should retire.

9. Congregations who present gift cards to their church staffs at Christmas (or just say “Thank you.”)

10.  Pastors who share their imperfections – especially during this season.

These things make me smile every time.  Happy Christmas Week, everybody!

Image from The Sound of Music.  (And when did this become a Christmas song?)

In large churches, this is the season when the Senior Pastor is the featured preacher throughout the most prominent holiday services.  (The Sunday after Christmas – like the Sunday after Easter – is one of the high holy days of Associate Pastors.)  Senior Pastors gets paid the big bucks for being The Face of the Church.

In denominations with hierarchies, the face of the institution is The Bishop or the Conference Executive or the General Presbyter.  These are the folks who represent The Organization, The Institution, The Congregations.

In the 21st Century Church, the face of the congregation or organization cannot be one person.  Yes, perhaps we need someone to represent us at community events or ecumenical activities or interfaith occasions.  But in the 21st Century Church, our face has many representations.

A growing community is one in which the whole community is its face.  The community must reach out.  The community must offer hospitality and pastoral care. The community must understand the connection between worship and mission.  The community must speak for the community.  No longer is the face a single individual.

Imagine this for a moment.

It used to be true that churches called pastors who were excellent representations or hopes of themselves.  We called pulpit candy – good looking pastors (usually male) who looked good and spoke well and offered impressive resumes so that we – the congregation – felt accomplished and smart ourselves.  We called a pastor with a stellar pedigree which must mean that we have stellar pedigrees to have called such a pastor.

Friends, this can no longer be true.  If our congregations or organizations are going to thrive in a post-Christendom culture, we need to take responsibility for our spiritual identities.  We must no longer be wholly pastor-centered, expecting the person with the seminary degree to be the professional Christian in our midst. We must no longer relinquish our own calling and gifts.

Who is the true face of our congregation?  We are.

Who represents our congregation or organization to the world?  We do.

We all do it.  If we Christians have a decorated tree in the house or a wreath on the door, we do it.  I have Muslim friends who hang stockings.  I have Protestant friends who pray with rosaries.  I’m a big fan of the call of the minaret.

I’ve even usurped the word “usurpation” because it literally means “to encroach, infringe or seize wrongfully or illegally.”  I’m defining it in a friendlier way: Sometimes religions or cultures or generations or traditions enjoy a practice that people in different religions or cultures or generations or traditions find meaningful and they/we attribute our own meaning to it.

I love prayer beads because I am an easily distracted pray-er.  My prayer beads don’t have a crucifix and I have only a vague idea how the traditional Roman Catholic rosary prayer goes.  But I pray for a different person with each bead.  (A friend in Malawi was happy to hear that she was one of my beads.  “I’ve never been anyone’s bead!” she wrote.)

When I’ve traveled in predominantly Muslim cities and the call to prayer sounds five times a day, I also pray to God.  It’s a lovely reminder every few hours to thank God or remember someone in need.  I completely agree that God is great and so saying “Allahu Akbar” is a quiet comfort to me.

Christians have been usurping everything from Passover Seders to Winter Solstice for generations.  We just impart our own meanings onto them and make them Christian-ish.   God knows that we Christians have usurped the religion of consumerism to make it our own.

Spiritual Usurpation could be an offensive practice (“Muslims don’t even believe that Jesus is God.  How dare they put up a Christmas tree!“)  This is pretty ridiculous when we Christians have already usurped the practice of decorating with greens from the pagans.

My hope is that we embrace Spiritual Usurpation but act respectfully.  Let’s not kid ourselves that – just because we Christians might spin a dreidel this season –  it doesn’t mean we understand the Hebrew meaning of Hanukkah.  For the record, the origin of the dreidel, according to Wikipedia, “dates from the Medieval period at earliest, since it is a Judaized version of a Germanic teetotum.”  All of us are historically shameless usurpers.

It’s supremely postmodern that we would claim certain practices and assign our own meaning to them.  My own Presbytery debated the term “Community Organizer” at a recent meeting.  Historically it means one thing to some people and something very different to other people.

The point of spiritual practices is to create meaning that brings us closer to The Holy.  It’s a way of worshiping what is Greater and Higher than we are. If lighting a menorah or a kinara is meaningful, even if you do no identify as Jewish or African, it’s a good thing.  Right?

In my first parish, soon after ordination, the local  funeral director – Joe Page from Joseph C. Page Funeral Home* – and I developed a unique relationship.  When a parishioner died, he phoned me with the news in this way:

JP:  Good Morning Pastor Jan.  Guess who died.

Me:  What?

JP:  You’re not going to believe who died.  Guess.

Me:  I don’t want to guess.

JP:  No, really.  Guess.  You won’t believe it.

This went on for the length of my tenure as the young pastor in town.  In addition to these unexpected phone conversations, Joe Page of Joseph C. Page Funeral Home would also meet me for breakfast in January of every new year because he’d want my feedback on who I thought might die in the new year.

Really.

JP:  ___ doesn’t look so good.  I give him until March.

Me:  Let’s not do this.

JP:  I wouldn’t be surprised if ____ drank himself to death this year.

Me:  Seriously, let’s not do this.

So now I find myself – like some of you perhaps – wondering the future of many of our congregations.  To be perfectly honest, I wonder which congregations will close this year.  I won’t say that they are going to “die” because their legacy will surely enrich the growth of other congregations.  But some of our churches will most certainly close in 2015.

I have a doctor friend who taught me about M&M meetings in hospitals.  This is the weekly meeting during which the medical staff reviews the recent deaths, infections, etc. in that particular hospital.  The CDC also publishes The Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report  which covers national outbreaks and other public health information.  They’ve probably been spending a chunk of time discussing Ebola this fall.

What would it look like to do an M&M meeting in The Church? What are the outbreaks, the toxic trends, the serious and not-so-serious infections that are impacting our congregations?  Is there an sudden outbreak of denominational distrust?  Is there a contagious fever going around that saps spiritual energy and clouds vision?  Is the level of gossip toxic?  Is there chronic dementia regarding church history?

Anxiety kills vision.  And when we are anxious about depressed numbers or ongoing conflict, we cannot look at the big picture.  I occasionally talk with congregational leaders who will spend an hour discussing how to spend $500 but they haven’t noticed that their congregation is spiritually incapacitated.  A virus has been traveling through the community and the impact is rather deadly.

Christmastide – just around the corner and after Advent – is an excellent time to meet for a Morbidity and Mortality report.  What will probably die in 2015 – and it’s not a bad thing?  (The annual chicken dinner?  The craft fair?)  What needs particular pastoral attention in the new year? (The deacons?  The support staff?)  What viruses might be spreading?  (Exclusivity? Volunteer shaming?)  What healthy trends are picking up?  (More interest in weekly prayer group?)  Heading these trends off at the pass might be a good way to prepare for another busy year.

Serving M&Ms at this meeting is optional, but recommended.

*Names changed.