Category Archives: Uncategorized

“Crazy” is considered a slur in many circles these days, and yet it’s a word used often to describe everyday life:

• “My schedule is crazy.”
• “Those kids are driving me crazy.”
• “Are you crazy?”

Some people even believe that Christians – and other people of faith – are a little crazy to believe in God, miracles, the power of prayer, etc. Others say there’s merely a fine line between ecstatic spiritual devotion and brain disorders.

But the truth is that any seasoned pastor has witnessed serious mental illness in parish life. A professional therapist once sent me this book so I might understand a borderline parishioner who was hurting and hurtful, while mayhem ensued in our congregation.

Our spiritual communities are comprised of people with addictions, schizophrenia, depression, phobias, and combinations of all the above. They serve alongside us as elders and deacons, teachers and choir members, office volunteers and nursery workers. [To be fair, some pastors also suffer with serious mental disabilities, but the hope is that they will be removed from professional ministry – at least temporarily – to ensure healthier congregations. It’s hard to shepherd God’s people if the shepherd is lost and sick.]

Do we prepare future pastors how to spot behavior that can perpetuate dysfunction and create havoc in a church system? I haven’t seen such classes, but maybe you have.

I know from experience that the best laid plans for mission and ministry can be sabotaged by just one person who wrestles with serious insecurities much less demons. And small congregations with limited members seem especially susceptible. If small churches are struggling to keep members, they will tolerate unhealthy behaviors for a long time.

Pastors out there:

• Did you get any seminary training in identifying mental illness?
• Did you receive strategies in working with difficult people whose difficulties might be connected to brain diseases?

Yes – many of us received Clinical Pastoral Education, perhaps even in a mental health facility, but what about basic training in dealing with bullies, liars, saboteurs, and passive-aggressors?

Congregations increasingly include such folks, and it would help to have the beginning of a clue how to identify those who need a special kind of pastoral care. Ideas?

Image from last week’s episode of Mad Men. Sadly, Michael Ginsberg is truly mad.

There are women and girls here in Chicago at risk at this very moment. The same is true for your community, no matter where you are.

Some wonder why the Nigerian Schoolgirls have attracted such attention in light of the fact that crimes against schoolgirls happen every day in every nation.

• Was it because having our own daughters/sisters/young friends our empathy quotient has ratcheted up?
• Was it because teenagers in school uniforms (or in this case, in their night clothes) seem particularly innocent?
• Was it because Boko Haram threatened to sell these girls for $12 to potential “husbands”?

Boys and men are also at risk throughout the world, but it’s different for girls. As Susan Brownmiller wrote in 1993, human history changed forever when ancient men realized that they could overpower ancient women by raping them. By sheer force, most men could control most women physically.

21 years later, Jimmy Carter has written another book that essentially states that the world’s violence, poverty, and dysfunction can be traced to the fact that women and girls are treated as lesser human beings than men. Read his new book, especially if you are a person of faith.

We people of faith have often been taught – erroneously – that God created men to be more valuable than women, just as some generations once were taught that God created light skinned people to be more valuable than dark skinned people. Holy Scripture has been used -erroneously – to support such notions.

Beyond praying for the Nigerian schoolgirls, we can educate ourselves on the realities of being a female in this world and work to make earth as it is in heaven.

In most of the world men control women legally, politically, and economically. And while our ovaries make most of us women physically at a disadvantage from most men, God did not intend for men to subjugate and overpower us.

Read this book.
This is a good read too.

Monica Lewinsky is a real person. She has feelings.  She has the right to have a job, a life.  I recommend this article in the most recent issue of Vanity Fair.

It’s been culturally okay to shame her, to peg her, to make jokes about her.  I’ve done it.

Of course she made some foolish choices almost 20 years ago.  And unless she cures cancer or solves the Mideast Crisis, she will be forever known as “that woman” who had an inappropriate relationship with a President of the United States.

What if we were best known for the worst thing we ever did?

As a pastor, I’m privy to all manner of imperfection, and – pastor or not – you are too.  We daily witness global ugliness as well as domestic disappointment in friends from whom we expected better.

How do we get beyond holding onto the worst in people?  How do we forgive those  who want to be forgiven? How do we forgive even those who who don’t accept responsibility for causing human pain?

I know that I don’t want to be best known – and never forgiven – for the worst thing I’ve ever done.  I don’t even want you to know what it is.

Can we imagine being a community that actually gives people a fresh start?  Can we imagine being that kind of church?

Image of Monica Lewinsky.

While talking to TBC today, I said words that I’ve been pondering for a couple of days now, but I could finally speak them out loud:

TBC: Are you having a good day, Mom?

Me: I think I’m as happy today as I’ve ever been in my whole life.

Don’t get me wrong. I still semi-hate Mothers’ Day and have ever since Mom died in 1988 after an eight year adventure with breast cancer. Those were some dark years, hidden well by my perky personality but any of my parishioners could tell you that I easily choked up in the years after her death. The sadness was barely below the surface.

My life’s narrative evolved into this:

I had a baby (FBC) and my mom died when FBC was eight weeks old. I had another baby (SBC) and my dad died when SBC was four months old. Then I had another baby (TBC) and nobody died (but we joked that my in-laws looked worried.) The truth is that I was sad for about ten years. Pathetically, cataclysmically, drooling-on-myself sad. And then one day I read this book and something clicked. I didn’t want to die anymore.

Being a mom is hard. Not being a mom is hard. Losing a mom is hard. Wishing your mom would get lost is hard.

The bottom line is that I – for some gracious reason – have been breathtakingly fortunate. Today, on the cusp of the end of 20 years of public primary, secondary, and higher education, our three kids are all employed and – best of all – alive. They like each others’ company. They are good human beings. They make a mother (and a father) proud. They know that God created them to make a difference.

Because I’m happy today, the world is different. Once I couldn’t think about mothers without weeping over the loss of my own. But there is hope. There is always hope.

So Happy Mothers’ Day. Or – even better: hang on if this has been a terrible day, especially if it had anything to do with being a mother or not being a mother or having a mother or not having a mother. The season is still Eastertide and resurrection is always a possibility. Always.

Peace to those who are sad today. And know that – while we are not promised happiness – it’s possible.

People care more about kidnapped school girls being sold into slavery than they care about institutional church dynamics.

This is the best news I’ve received in decades.

I write a churchy blog.  Even when it’s not overtly about church, it’s about church.  Through the years, some of my most popular posts have been about parenting, dating, politics, and one about a Middle School performance of The Wizard of Oz that was picked up by a newspaper.  But if you believe that everything is spiritual (as I do) and if your believe that the spiritual life is best lived out in community (as I do) then – at least for someone like me – everything is about church. Not the institutional/pipe organ/steeple/Sunday School/pulpit/’special music’/Vacation Bible School/diaconate/flower guild/stained glass window/narthex/chalice & patin/chancel/choir robes church.

But the prayer partners/midnight crisis/heartbroken/drug addled/crushed spirit/dead inside/hoping against hope/peace-that-passes-all-understanding/”I totally get you”/”I don’t get you at all but I’m not leaving you” church.

This is the church that Jesus lived and died and lives again for.  This is the church that came together over the past couple days to choose the names of kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls and commit to pray for them until they come home.  Some of the thousands (!) who responded to my previous blog post via WordPress, Twitter, and Facebook do not even believe in God, but they still agreed to hold ‘their girl’ in thought.

My friends, this is the real church.  It’s full of skeptics, diversity, and a desire to Do Something.

Maybe all we can do is pray for the messiest, most horrible, most complicated, seemingly hopeless situations.  But we do it together en masse.  And the bottom line is that we care more about the most vulnerable people in our community than we care about sermon series and leadership organization.

And that’s what I learned the day my little blog had 20,000+ hits.

Image source.

I picked Sicker Abdul. 

Her last name means “servant” in Arabic and I hope her first name is not a reflective of her first days on the earth.  She’s been identified as a Christian.  I don’t know her age.

She is one of the 180 girls named yesterday as among the students kidnapped from their school in Chibok, Nigeria on April 14th by Boko Haram.  Although 276 girls are still reported missing, we only have 180 names.  You can read more about the situation here.

The  kidnappers are reportedly selling these girls for about $12 each to potential “husbands.”

Praying for 180 girls by name – much less 276 girls – is overwhelming to me and my pathetic commitment to prayer. But I can pray for one Nigerian schoolgirl.  And I am asking you to pray for just one girl as well.

Please choose one name – one girl  – and pray for her until she is found.

I picked Sicker Abdul.  She’s my girl.

Who will you pick?

If it helps to hold you accountable, I invite you to share your choice in the comment section of this post.  Thank you.

Deborah ​Abge, Awa ​Abge, Hauwa ​Yirma, Asabe ​Manu, Mwa ​Malam Pogu, Patiant ​Dzakwa, Saraya ​Mal Stover, Mary ​Dauda, Gloria ​Mainta, Hanatu ​Ishaku Gloria ​Dama, Tabitha ​Pogu, Maifa ​Dama, Ruth ​Kollo, Esther ​Usman, Awa ​James, Anthonia Yahonna, Kume ​Mutah, Aisha ​Ezekial, Nguba ​Buba, Kwanta ​Simon, Kummai ​Aboku, Esther ​Markus, Hana ​Stephen, Rifkatu ​Amos, Rebecca ​Mallum, Blessing ​Abana, Ladi ​Wadai, Tabitha ​Hyelampa, Ruth ​Ngladar, Safiya ​Abdu, Na’omi ​Yahonna, Solomi ​Titus, Rhoda ​John, Rebecca ​Kabu, Christy ​Yahi, Rebecca ​Luka, Laraba ​John, Saratu ​Markus, Mary ​Usman, Debora ​Yahonna, Naomi ​Zakaria, Hanatu ​Musa, Hauwa ​Tella, Juliana ​Yakubu, Suzana ​Yakubu, Saraya ​Paul, Jummai ​Paul, Mary ​Sule, Jummai ​John, Yanke ​Shittima, Muli ​Waligam, Fatima ​Tabji, Eli ​Joseph, Saratu ​Emmanuel, Deborah Peter, Rahila ​Bitrus, Luggwa ​Sanda, Kauna ​Lalai, Lydia ​Emmar, Laraba ​Maman, Hauwa ​Isuwa, Confort ​Habila, Hauwa ​Abdu, Hauwa ​Balti, Yana ​Joshua, Laraba ​Paul, Saraya ​Amos, Glory ​Yaga, Na’omi ​Bitrus, Godiya ​Bitrus, Awa ​Bitrus, Na’omi ​Luka, Maryamu Lawan, Tabitha ​Silas, Mary ​Yahona, Ladi ​Joel, Rejoice ​Sanki, Luggwa ​Samuel, Comfort ​Amos, Saraya ​Samuel, Sicker ​Abdul, Talata ​Daniel.
Rejoice ​Musa, Deborah ​Abari, Salomi ​Pogu, Mary ​Amor, Ruth ​Joshua, Esther ​John, Esther ​Ayuba, Maryamu Yakubu, Zara ​Ishaku, Maryamu Wavi, Lydia ​Habila, Laraba ​Yahonna, Na’omi ​Bitrus, Rahila ​Yahanna, Ruth ​Lawan, Ladi ​Paul, Mary ​Paul, Esther ​Joshua, Helen ​Musa, Margret Watsai, Deborah Jafaru, Filo ​Dauda, Febi ​Haruna, Ruth ​Ishaku, Racheal Nkeki, Rifkatu Soloman, Mairama Yahaya, Saratu ​Dauda, Jinkai ​Yama, Margret Shettima, Yana ​Yidau, Grace ​Paul, Amina ​Ali, Palmata Musa, Awagana Musa, Pindar ​Nuhu, Yana ​Pogu, Saraya ​Musa, Hauwa ​Joseph, Hauwa ​Kwakwi, Hauwa ​Musa, Maryamu Musa, Maimuna Usman, Rebeca Joseph, Liyatu ​Habitu, Rifkatu Yakubu, Naomi ​Philimon, Deborah Abbas, Ladi ​Ibrahim, Asabe ​Ali, Maryamu Bulama, Ruth ​Amos, Mary ​Ali, Abigail Bukar, Deborah Amos, Saraya ​Yanga, Kauna ​Luka, Christiana Bitrus, Yana ​Bukar, Hauwa ​Peter, Hadiza ​Yakubu, Lydia ​Simon, Ruth ​Bitrus, Mary ​Yakubu, Lugwa ​Mutah, Muwa ​Daniel, Hanatu ​Nuhu, Monica Enoch, Margret Yama, Docas ​Yakubu, Rhoda ​Peter, Rifkatu Galang, Saratu ​Ayuba, Naomi ​Adamu, Hauwa ​Ishaya, Rahap ​Ibrahim, Deborah Soloman, Hauwa ​Mutah, Hauwa ​Takai, Serah ​Samuel, Aishatu Musa, Aishatu Grema, Hauwa ​Nkeki, Hamsatu Abubakar, Mairama Abubakar, Hauwa ​Wule, Ihyi ​Abdu, Hasana Adamu, Rakiya ​Kwamtah, Halima ​Gamba, Aisha ​Lawan, Kabu ​Malla, Yayi ​Abana, Falta ​Lawan, and Kwadugu Manu.

Image source.

My denomination defines “solo pastor” as one who does not supervise other pastors on a church staff.  He/she might supervise organists, educators, office administrators and sextons, but – at least according to the PCUSA – he/she is not a “Senior Pastor” or “Head of Staff.”  In other words, a solo sings alone.

Increasingly, there are more and more “solo pastors.”  (Attention Multi-Pastor Congregations:  this might be your future.)

According to 2012 PCUSA statistics:

• About 3100 congregations have less than 50 members
• About 2400 congregations have 50-100 members
• About 2200 congregations have 100-200 members

Of all those congregations with 200 members or less:

• About 3200 of the churches have an installed (‘permanent’) pastor
• About 2600 of the churches have a temporary pastor (temporary supply, stated supply, interim, supply preacher)
• Almost 2000 of the churches have no pastor at all (so they rely on guest preachers each Sunday and a neighboring pastor moderates their Board of Elders)

In other words, there are quite a few solo pastors out there, and as several congregations are downsizing their staffs due to financial issues, the numbers of solo pastors will increase in the coming years.

There are many congregations in rural areas without pastors, I believe, because while the work of a solo pastor is similar in both rural and not-so-rural areas of the country, the rural pastor has no place to “get away” and refresh where he/she can be anonymous and truly free, unlike the pastor who can head to the other side of town and have a cup of coffee without running into a parishioner who wants to chat.  (Long sentence, but agonizingly true.)

I’ve been a solo pastor in both a small rural church and a medium-sized suburban church, and I can tell you that – in addition to preaching (every Sunday), teaching Bible studies/confirmation/new members classes, supervising paid and volunteer staff, writing liturgy, moderating Session, administrating, recruiting/training leaders, leading youth group, offering premarital, prebaptism, & general counseling, and assisting strangers who come through the doors in need of rent/food/gasoline/social services – my tasks also occasionally included:

• turning on the heat/AC
• locking/unlocking doors
• vacuuming floors
• taking out trash/recycling
• typing bulletins
• copying & folding bulletins
• dealing with plumbers/roofers/electricians
• catching vermin (ask me about Possum Protective Services)
• filling the baptism water pitcher and setting up communion

Obviously, most of those tasks are done on an emergency basis only, and other paid/volunteer church staff perform those tasks.  But my point is that A Solo Pastor works very hard.  I would argue that it’s harder to be a solo pastor than a multi-pastoral staff pastor, if for no other reason than loneliness.

I remember visiting Riverside Church in NYC during my haven’t-learned-to-delegate years just after ordination, and my life was changed forever when I noticed that one team of volunteers unlocked doors, and another team welcoming worshippers, and another team passed out bulletins.  I almost burst into tears.  I usually did every one of those things on a given Sunday – plus the other stuff.

It was quite possible to have a life and be a solo pastor in the 1950s church because:

• There were scores of women who “didn’t work” during the day and they happily volunteered to do everything from running the Sunday School to organizing mission projects.
• There was less counseling and working with transients because people kept their addiction/abuse/mental health/relationship issues to themselves.  (In towns where everyone was related to everyone else, you didn’t dare share your problems with anyone but family.)
• There were fewer program expectations.
• The culture was homogeneous and already “churchy.”  We didn’t have to translate Western Church World to guests who had never been taught the language.

Unlike the work load for a 1950s solo pastor, the work load for a 21st Century solo pastor is not sustainable.  Especially for pastors of small churches who – contractually – work only 10 or 20 hours a week, they are most likely getting paid for only half the work they do.  It’s impossible to write a sermon, lead worship, prepare for and officiate at a funeral or wedding, lead a Bible study, and answer phone calls/emails in 20 hours, much less 10.

I saw a job description for a “PT Interim Pastor” recently that included 30 pastoral duties expected of the pastor each week.  Impossible.

In spite of the dreadful way this all sounds, I see this phenomenon of Lots of Work/Too Little Time to be Good News.  We are forced to be not only a different church in the 21st Century; we are forced to be more like the First Century Church.

According to scripture, the pastor’s task is to equip others for ministry. (Ephesians 4:11-12)  This is quite time-consuming in and of itself, so it involves a huge culture shift.  But what if . . .

• The solo pastor took a season to spend more time teaching others to pray out loud, write & deliver homilies, offer basic pastoral care than doing these tasks herself/himself?  (Call your Presbytery or a consultant for help with this.)
• The solo pastor relinquished traditional preaching once/month to allow a different kind of sermon?  (Examples: an elder shares a snippet of her faith story or a community leader (police officer, guidance counselor) shares what he does all week?  This informs the congregation of possible needs in the community. Invite the music leaders to lead in singing songs that speak to a particular theological doctrine)?
• The solo pastor connected with other pastors (not currently serving congregations) to take on – for a season – the confirmation class or a Bible study or training the Deacons or  . . .?

Yes, all these ideas are also labor intensive, but we have got to let go of some of our solo-pastor tasks.  And – ATTENTION PARISHIONERS – we must allow our pastors to relinquish many of the tasks we have previously expected of them.

Let. Them. Go.

Let the tasks go that we’ve taken on which do not need to happen (or if they are necessary, someone else will pick them up.)  Let the people go who have unreasonable expectations of their pastor.  Let our own pastoral addictions to perfection go.

The future church will have more solo pastors and more PT/bivocational pastors.  And the shift begins now (or yesterday.)

We pastors work with many people who spend most of their time in a variety of other cultures:  

• Corporate people
• Secular non-profit people
• Government people
• Blue Collar people
• Academic people

All of us have experienced being in a church leadership discussion and someone has said,

• “In the corporate world, we do it this way . . .”
• “That’s how we do it at the Red Cross/PTA/ESL Office/Shelter . . .”
• “If we were a doctor’s office, we’d . . .”
• “I know that my gym/salon/school/shop always . . .”

We in the church are informed by everybody’s culture, and the dominant culture depends upon the context and DNA of the congregation.  Sanctuaries surrounded by the 1% take on a corporate culture.  Sanctuaries surrounded by corn fields taken on a farm culture (which means – in 2014 – people are in survival mode . . . unless the farming in their community has become corporate.)

Sometimes secular culture helps spark necessary shifts in Church World. Sometimes it makes us coarse and modeling little resemblance to Christ.

What if we tried to shift the culture of our congregations, regardless of what that culture might be?

Helpful Elder:  “In terms of letting the church secretary go, I know that in the corporate world, we hand her a pick slip and tell her to pack their things and be out of the office in an hour.”

Pastor:  “But do we want our church to model a corporate culture or something that looks more like the kingdom of God?”  

***

Church Personnel Chair:  “It’s not our problem if the pastor’s child is sick.  He needs to be in the office for regular office hours.  This would never fly at the bank where I work.”

Personnel Committee Member:  “But we are not a bank.  We are a church.  How can we help our pastor in this difficult time?”

See what I mean?  I’m not saying that we in the church need to become ooey gooey Nice Machines without expecting professionalism and accountability. But people expect more from the church.  There is a hope-against-hope that people who self-identify as followers of Jesus would display characteristics that are more Christlike and less Trump-like.

What is the dominant culture in your spiritual community?  Corporate? Academic?  Individualistic?  Family-centered? Political? Macho? Kingdom of God?  And how would you like your church’s culture to change?  (Not rhetorical questions.  I’d really like to know.)

Image source.

One of the most gratifying privileges in my ministry is spending time with new pastors. Specifically CL and I spend time with the 23rd New Pastors Cohort in our Synod. Two retreats per year for three years plus a twice/year gathering of “Jan’s Group” – our cohort-within-the-cohort.

I love these new pastors – not just because they are smart and passionate and interesting, but also because they allow me to learn from them as surely as they learn from each other. It’s better than Easter dessert.

We just returned from retreating for three days and here are some of the things I learned that I hope – in particular – my more seasoned colleagues will consider as we are all attempt to expand the reign of God as The Church:

• Associate Pastors have not been called to “help the Head of Staff” as if their purpose is to be Robin to the church’s Batman/Batwoman. They have their own calling, and their gifts are best used when collaboration is the cultural norm.
• If the future of professional ministry is bi-vocational, we’ve got to help these colleagues figure out how to balance life and (at least) two separate vocations. Working seven days/week is not sustainable. Connectional denominations – by virtue of our DNA – must help out our bi-vocational colleagues. Offer to preach one Sunday, to teach a class, to cover for emergencies when our colleague needs a break.
• It takes a while to figure out a work/life rhythm for any pastor. Church members can help by remembering that most of what pastors do is never observed by church members. Church Personnel Committees: talk with your pastors about what feeds them, what frustrates them, what they are doing that is not on their job description. Don’t try to check out their every move as if you don’t trust them.
• Any church member committed to Being the Church (as opposed to belonging to some kind of spiritual club) needs basic training in How to Talk to Strangers, How to Welcome People Who Don’t Look Like We Look, How to Pray Out Loud, How to Imagine a Church Beyond Attendance, Building, and Cash.

That’s just the beginning of what I learned or re-learned this week from my young colleagues. We are a better church because of the ministry of new pastors who never grew up in the heyday of the Mainline.

The posts this week will be limited until Thursday because I’m headed to a retreat of New Pastors. In preparing for the longish drive, I took my car for an oil change Friday.

There were three of us in the waiting room: two Black women and one White woman. (That would be me.)

I was called by the mechanic to chat about my car needs:

Mechanic (to me, The White Woman): Ma’am, I’d like to talk to you about your Volvo.

Me: Actually, I’m the 2006 Honda with no grill.*

Mechanic: You aren’t driving the Volvo?

Me: Nope. One of those other ladies must drive the Volvo.

I was wearing yoga pants and my Cindy Bolbach for Moderator t-shirt. The Volvo lady was wearing a really nice suit. So, why in the world would someone think I was the owner of the Volvo, unless it was because ______?

Image source.

*Someone took my car grill a couple weeks ago. Really.