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About a year ago, I heard Richard Mouw speak at the Fellowship of Presbyterians gathering in Minneapolis where he made an excellent statement about Christians with whom he disagrees.  He said that if his friends could back up their beliefs Biblically, he could respect them and simply agree to disagree.  The subject was the ordination of GLBT Christians and he cited friends like John Buchanan and Barbara Wheeler among those he respected who came down on a different side than his own.

Ross Douthat’s op ed in yesterday’s New York Times referred to the (liberal) actions of The Episcopal Church over the last weeks.  Among other things,  the House of Bishops voted to approve a rite to bless same-sex unions and  Mr. Douthat claims that this is yet another example of the reason why Sunday attendance has diminished over the last several decades in most of our churches.  The reason denominations are dying?  According to Douthat (and many others) it’s because of liberal activism.

Actually,  Diana Butler Bass’s book gives a more reliable and academic reasoning for these decreases, but blaming liberals is standard practice.   If Mr. Douthat were to talk with the good people at our conservative churches – at least if they told the truth – he would find that their attendance is down as well.  Catholic Bishops are not allowed to discuss such things in public, but their numbers are down too.

The bottom line is that following Jesus involves a commitment that many do not wish to make.

Gone are the days when church was a club with membership perks (a wedding venue, a funeral venue, status in the community.)  Huffington Post just reported new Gallup studies over the weekend that stated that only 44% of Americans have confidence in organized religion.*  That’s an all-time low.

This has to do with what I wrote about in my two previous posts here and here.  We have too many dying churches who are threatened with closure. They have lost their purpose (to make disciples of all nations, to equip the saints for ministry, to teach the way of Jesus) and focus only on survival.  And the sorting of Christians into “liberal” and “conservative” congregations is part of the problem.

The church is supposed to look something like the Kingdom of God which includes friends and enemies, rich and poor, men and women, locals and foreigners, lepers and bleeding people, and all manner of others who fit in or didn’t.  Anybody can read through the Gospels and note the wide assortment of people Jesus included in the fold.  And the epistles highlight the conflicts between A) those who believed you had to become Jewish before you could belong to the Way of Jesus and B) those who believed you did not have to be circumcised or follow Jewish food laws  to follow Jesus’ Way.  These issues were as huge as the issues we’ve grappled with involving divorce, the leadership of women, the leadership of GLBT Christians, and marriage equality.

Both “liberal” and “conservative” churches are grappling with these issues.  There are “conservative” Christian colleges who admit to having unofficial gay and lesbian groups on campus:  Biola and Baylor, for example, and  several Christian colleges –   Wheaton College in Illinois, Bob Jones University, Messiah College and Westmont College  – now have  gay alumni groups.

I believe this is less about political activism than a matter of faithful interpretation of scripture for many of these students and alums.  There is more than one way to interpret God’s Word.  That’s the beauty of it, really.   Some of us believe that God is still speaking.  And those who want to follow Jesus – the whole broken band of misfits that we are – may find that what we share in common is so much bigger than what separates us.

*I erroneously said in my sermon yesterday that it was 33%.  But the correct percentage is 44%.

Both of my parents died of cancer.  I’ve lost friends to cancer.  The one (and only) advantage to having terminal cancer is that you get time to prepare to die.  You get to say good bye and put your affairs in order and arrange things the way you’d like them arranged.  You have a bit of control for what happens after you die.

There are moments when – even when facing the inevitable – we live in denial.  I remember talking with my brother about Christmas plans to be spent with Dad who was in treatment with terminal non-Hodgkins.  It was August, and my brother was stunned that I believed Dad would still be alive in December.  And I was shocked that my brother thought Dad would be not be with us.  Dad died later that week.

So today, I work with many churches that are dying.  Some are clearly in the 4th Quadrant of the Life Cycle of the Church.  Others are in the 3rd Quadrant.

Here’s my question:

What do we do with churches that are in denial that they are dying?  Or maybe they understand that death will happen, but it’s years away – maybe after their pastor retires or the roof caves in or after they themselves die.

As with human beings, death for churches can happen suddenly or very slowly.  But usually it’s slow.

Dying well involves:

• Accepting that death is coming.
• Dividing up our resources and treasures so that others can enjoy them.
• Saying good-bye and celebrating the life that has been lived.

How do we know a church is really dying?

• The struggle for survival overwhelms all other activities and plans.
• The purpose for the congregation’s existence cannot be articulated by most of the congregation.
• Too few people are living out the mission of the church in their own daily lives, much less as a community.
• People have forgotten that the church belongs to God (and not to the members.)

Sometimes I sit in sanctuaries during worship gatherings and think to myself, “This church is dying and they don’t even know it.”

So, how do I convey – in as loving a way as possible – that they are dying and I want them to have a good death –  in a way that they can hear me?  I would love your answers on this.

The goat you scape may be your own.  Suzanne Ross, The Raven Foundation

Just yesterday, some NAACP members booed Mitt Romney during his speech to them.  And then some Republicans accordingly vilified the NAACP for their rude behavior.  Earlier in the day, Democrats vilified Republicans for attempting to repeal The Affordable Care Act  for the 33rd time. But Republicans filed this repeal once again because they blame Obama and “Obama Care” for many current and future woes.

We scapegoat each other.  

Especially in this election, we will endlessly hear that electing Obama again will Ruin Our Country.  Or electing Romney will Ruin Our Country.

We blame that one parishioner for making our lives miserable.   And, God knows, pastors are often blamed for everything from lower attendance numbers to budget deficits to random program deficiencies.

A coach gets scapegoated for a losing season. Immigrants are scapegoated for local crime.  Older generations are blamed for bringing younger generations down. Younger generations are scapegoated for destroying everything.

Liberal Christians get scapegoated for “people leaving the denomination.”  And so are Conservative Christians.  I’m weary of it.

We can’t get through a single day without blaming other people for the troubles of the world – personally, professionally, politically, and globally.  Although I am new to the ideas of mimetic theory, it’s intriguing to consider how we mimic the behavior we see in others, even if that behavior repulses – or at least frustrates – us. 

• We blame others for the very things we do.
• We criticize others for characteristics we share with them.
• We demonize people for taking a fanatical stance, when we take similar stances in the other direction.

And all this leads to violence, brokenness, and devolvement.

I believe it is quite possible for people of opposing beliefs to be the church together.  It’s exhausting, labor intensive, and supremely frustrating.  But I agree with Brian McLaren’s premise here:

Why did Jesus cross the road?  To get to the other.

The goat we scape may not only be our own.  That goat is a part of us.  Does this make sense?

Image Source.

I grew up believing that if we disagreed with someone, we subsequently didn’t like them.  In fact, we might even wish them more harm than the usual schadenfreude.

Apparently many children grow up with this misunderstanding.  When President Reagan was shot, I remember one of my seminary friend’s young daughters said – knowing that her mother was no fan of Reagan – “We’re happy he got shot, right Mom?”  Her mother was horrified.

I was taught as a young Christian that it was our duty to seek the conversion of others to Christianity, even if they were already devout Jews, Muslims, or Hindu.  Maybe we should even hate them.

My church did not teach this.  I think it was a cultural expectation.

I see this all the time, which is increasingly problematic as our culture is increasing less Christian and more multi-faith or secular.  How do we live as faithful Christians while working alongside, befriending, loving those of other faiths or no faith? I’m looking forward to Brian McLaren’s new book due out September 11, 2012 which will address these issues.

Eboo Patel’s Interfaith Youth Corps strives to teach youth and young adults how to live out their faith while respecting the faiths of others – without vilifying them or trying to convert them.

This is one of the teachings we in the church need to learn and perfect as well.

Even within our own faith, respecting the faith of Christians who disagree with us   requires finesse and unconditional love.  My sister in faith who was quoted here (the “shame on us” sister) is the first on my list this week.

Source of image.

Amanda Riley was signing books at GA 220 last week and I took a quick glance at the book she wrote with Melissa DeRosia, Marianne Grano, and Amy Morgan and thought, “Why didn”t we write this book a couple decades ago?”  Actually, this is better than any book I could have written.  It’s thorough – with information for young married, single, solo, associate, pregnant, and/or exhausted clergywomen. 

I was once a young single clergywoman (ages 27-31) and then a young married clergywoman (age 31), then a pregnant clergy woman (32, 34, 36), and then a clergy mom (the rest of my life) and this resource would have been mighty helpful to me and my clergy girlfriends.  Today, as I work with an broader spectrum of seminarians (variety of ages and backgrounds) this is still a great resource.

Attention Commissions on Preparation for Ministry: this book should be given to all women seminarians preparing to serve the parish.

Attention all Pastor Nominating Committees and Church Personnel Committees:  this book should be read by at least one person on your team to that you have a glimpse of what it’s really like to be a pastor – especially a female pastor.

One thing I would alter:

• The use of the word “minister.”  I am (obnoxiously) adamant about using the terms “pastor” or “clergy” or “professional minister” to describe what we do, rather than the word “minister.”  To call a pastor “the minister” is ruinous to the concept of the priesthood of all believers and the notion that a pastor’s job is to equip God’s people for ministry.  We are all ministers.  We do ministry in gardens, in grocery stores, on street corners, on tractors, in classrooms, etc. etc.  You know this. The long-term destruction to congregations and everyone’s daily theology that comes from calling the clergy “the minister” comes from a 1950s mentality.

So, there you have it.  Buy and read this book.  It’s beautifully written and full of wisdom. 

The best wisdom I received before my ordination, which I didn’t find in the book and which is especially helpful for single pastors living in small towns: 

At the end of the interview, when the committee asks, “Do you have any questions or comments for us?” you say this:

“Because I am single and don’t know anyone around here, sometimes people will visit me at the manse.  Some of them will be family and some will be friends. Some will be married and some will be single.  Some will be male and some will be female.  I just want you to know that it will be important for me to have people visit me.”  This suggested statement (thank you CMD) made life extraordinarily easier for me as I served in a small village of 700 people in a manse on Main Street.  People came and went and nobody said a word except, “I see you had company.” 

It really helped.  And this book will help you or someone in professional ministry that you care about.

All of us have life liturgies which serve to teach and transform our lives.  Example:

Young parent:  (to preschooler)  What do we say when someone gives us a
present?

Preschooler:  Thank you!  I love it!

(Imagine how often this needs to be repeated before Preschooler knows this without thinking.)

Another example:

Worship Leader:  The Lord be with you.

The People:  And also with you.

Some faith traditions have elaborate liturgies and others seem to be non-liturgical, although even the Quakers have a liturgy. (Organized silence.)

Brian McLaren’s morning talk last Monday touched on the issue of liturgy that doesn’t work.  If I am a mean person before worship and I am still a mean person after worship – after being guided by a particular liturgy with my faith community – then the liturgy is not working.

Example (From the PCUSA Liturgical Resource written in 2011 to be used after the passage of Amendment 10-A)

Merciful God, through your Spirit of grace and power, you have called us together as the body of Christ. 

Yet we have fallen short of demonstrating our visible oneness in Christ. We have damaged your church, created factions, and caused harm by stereotyping and demeaning one another.

Forgive us, Lord.
In this time of change within the church,
draw us closer to you and to one another.
Help us to look beyond our differences
to see our common calling in and through you
to proclaim the gospel in word and deed
to a world in desperate need.
We pray in the name of our risen Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen.

This is a beautiful prayer that requires attention and intentional reflection.  If we pray this prayer and then – during coffee hour – we stereotype someone without blinking or we demean the nursery worker without feeling a twinge of discomfort, the liturgy hasn’t worked for us.

It’s not that the liturgy isn’t lovely; it’s that it didn’t work.  We couldn’t connect with it.  We went through the motions without engaging.  We didn’t get it.

Good liturgy sticks with us throughout our daily routines, by the grace of God.  I might say something catty or mean, but then I feel kind of sick inside, because didn’t I just ask God to help me with that just the other day?  That sick feeling is God helping me stop it.

Is the liturgy by which we live and worship transforming us?  Are we paying attention to the words we speak on Sunday mornings/Tuesday evenings/Thursday afternoon?  We need to be more mindful if we are going to do what Yena advised us to do this afternoon. (Here’s the link.)

Photo of a lovely liturgical dancer at the Opening Worship of the General Assembly of the PCUSA.  Liturgical dancers usually don’t do much for my transformation, but it was an especially apt feature for that worship gathering.

Friends:  I’m headed to Rehoboth to celebrate General Assembly from afar.  More posts next week.

It’s been a Brian McLaren Day at General Assembly with lots of new ideas to ponder.

Brian at breakfast:

“The Traditional Protestant Identity” has involved Hostility (who/what we are protesting), Polity (How we’re properly structured), Legitimacy (What makes us superior) and Distinctiveness (What makes us different.)

“The Emerging Pro-Testifying Identity” is Affinity (What we love and value), Harmony (How we network to everyone), Fidelity (What makes us authentic), and Utility (What difference we make.)  Amen to that.

Brian at lunch:

He elaborated on a morning topic of the need for Institutions and Movements to work together.  We need both priests (Institutions) and Prophets (Movements) to be the future church.  Leaning too heavily on one or the other creates problems.

Brian in the afternoon (addressing Presbytery Staffs):

We must be organized for doing mission – not for governing.  Start with what is needed and then set up policies.

(I think of the church personnel policy I once served under that forbid people to bring dogs into the building.  Random.  And not exactly a pressing issue.)

My job as a Presbytery Staffer is to be a Launcher, not a Gatekeeper.

In summary:  It’s been a great last day of GA.

Tomorrow: The beach for some essential debriefing.

Images are of  1) one of the morning presentation slides and 2) Brian McLaren and Gradye Parsons, Stated Clerk of the PCUSA

I’m at the 220th General Assembly of the PCUSA and am reminded that God so loved the world, God didn’t send a committee.  And yet working with committees/groups/teams is crucial for including multiple perspectives,  sharing the responsibilities,  and holding each other accountable.

Whole books have been written about Getting Things Done.  But here are some thoughts I have after just a couple days at GA.  If you want a team or committee to get things done, try this:

• Do not fill a committee or council with people who represent specific demographic or interest groups. Albeit all racial/ethnic/age/special interest groups have passionate ideas to support and achieve their vision.  But we need people with passion for the whole vision – not just the vision of disparate groups with individual agendas. For example, we want people with a radical passion for new church development because they all believe that Jesus commissioned us to make disciples of all and to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Note:  I also believe it’s a mistake to have a congregational council/Session made up of the Chairperson of Mission, the Chairperson of Christian Education, the Chairperson of Stewardship, etc. because it makes the elders push their individual ministries rather than the ministry of the whole church.
• Expect the best of volunteers because God deserves no less.  Yes, people are not getting paid to study issues, attend meetings, read articles, listen to stories.  But it we are going to serve, we need to serve with energy, intelligence, imagination, and love – like we promised.  (Even those of you on the Review of Biennial Assemblies Committees.)
• Make it fun.  My colleague B. joyfully ordered personalized water bottles for our commissioners.  Some of us wore green wigs to a party last night as a tribute to another friend for a job well done. (It made sense to us, but maybe you had to be there.)  Make it a party.  Or at least finish with a party.

This is the Mother of all meetings every other year in my denomination.  I am praying that many faithful things get done.

Photo by Erin Dunigan.  See more here.

I head to Pittsburgh today to join my PCUSA brothers and sisters for the 220th General Assembly, which is part denominational Congress/part family reunion. It’s my first GA as a Presbytery Staffer and I’ve been told that my role is to connect with people.  Excellent.

While the Commissioners vote on everything from a new moderator to overtures on divestment, I will be having lunch with a favorite theologian, coffee with someone interested in Third Place Ministries, and wine with friends celebrating the ministry of the current Moderator.

What I expect to happen:

• The press – if they cover General Assembly at all – will cover same sex marriage and divestment (because those are the most controversial and ostensibly the most interesting topics) but barely mention the election of the new moderator or changes in the Board of Pensions policies.
• Presbyterians will geek out on things that nobody else in the world cares about.  In other words, we will enjoy a sentimental journey connecting with old friends and colleagues, some of us knowing each other long before denominations had become culturally diminished.
• The usual party favors will be handed out in the convention cent, but – due to the economy – there will be fewer water bottles and more pencils.
• The Spirit will be present.  Theological enemies could leave at the end of the week as friends.  Scales could fall from eyes.  Trust in God could be bolstered.

This last expectation is my favorite, but it’s easier to get pumped up by free water bottles.  It’s easier to sit with our favorite people and demonize our least favorite people.  But I ask for your prayers today for lives that will be changed this week.  And I’m not just talking about the elders who will be elected as Moderator and Vice Moderator who will spend lots of time on planes in the next two years.

Peace be with us.