After traveling up and down the East Coast this month talking with wedding guests and small town cashiers and overworked barristas in highway rest stops, I’ve been pondering what might possibly bring healing to our nation. I’ve talked with people who believe to their toenails that this President is evil. I’ve talked with people who believe with similar intensity that the former President is evil. Billboards on the highway accuse political rivals of “destroying our values.”
What can be done to bring us together as a people? I have a couple ideas.
The first is a pledge to be consistent in terms of our morals.
Jon Stewart often showed side by side clips of politicians saying one thing in 2020 and the opposite thing in 2021. In 2010 a politician supports the filibuster because his party is in power. In 2020 he opposes the filibuster because his party is not in power. (Note: it was never about what’s right. It was about politics.)
I have a friend who is indeed “pro-life.” He is opposed to most abortions, and he is also against the death penalty. He believes in fully funding Head Start and free health care for uninsured children. His views are morally consistent – or he tries to be morally consistent.
To be “pro-life” while being against funding prenatal care for poor women is confusing.
What if we all pledged to seek moral consistency in the way we live and vote and spend our money? I wonder if this would help us understand each other. Otherwise we are simply engaging in partisan politics that have less to do with what’s best for our country than personal power.
How do our politics and our faith match up? Are they consistent across the board? I hope this is something we’ll grapple with in our faith communities in the coming months.
As of this Saturday, I will have celebrated three weddings and two funerals in four weeks. They are all indeed celebrations. After spending time with Susan Beaumont about liminal times via Zoom last week I’m reminded to relish everything – even and especially the transitions.
Curiosity is underrated I’ve decided.
It’s normal to be curious about what the future holds for a newly married couple. It’s normal to be curious about what happens after we die. And it’s essential to be curious about other people and places if we hope to be well-rounded human beings. And it’s essential to be curious about The Future if we hope to be effective leaders.
Casting a vision for The Church when we have no idea what’s next is challenging. But if we are not curious about the possibilities, we have already failed. Let’s not waste this liminal season.
Image from our drive to Northeastern Pennsylvania over the weekend.
[Note: This is my sole post this week as I am participating in a conference of Mid-Council leaders. See you next week.]
Telling the truth is not for the fainthearted. It’s so easy to lie. Lying helps us avoid conflict. Lying keeps us from having to explain things.
Sarah Niles – the actor who plays Dr. Sharon Fieldstone on Ted Lasso – was interviewed by Brene Brown last week and it’s worth a listen here. In both the podcast and in the show, Niles/Fieldstone is all about truthtelling.
The older I get, the more truthtelling factors into my ministry, my parenting, my humanity. Again – it’s so easy to lie.
For example, consider this scenario:
There’s a longtime church member who has presided over The Women’s Group for years and she has never been asked to serve as an Elder of her congregation – for good reasons about which she is unaware. She has always wanted to be an Elder but she has never been nominated and she wants to know why.
The reason is that her personality is harsh and she is not a good listener. She insists on her own way and – if only she had noticed – it’s been hard finding other women willing to work with her in The Women’s Group. She wants to talk with you – the pastor – on why she is never chosen to be an Elder. Your options for answering her might be these:
A) “We are looking for more men to serve as Elders and we are trying to recruit them first.”
B) “You do such a good job with The Women’s Group and we need you there more.”
C) “You have obvious gifts for getting things done, which is essential in many situations. What we are looking for in our Elders include spiritual gifts like listening well and equipping others to be leaders. Those are not your strongest gifts.” (Ouch. But this is the only true answer.)
In a world in which many of us have been taught that “we can do anything” the truth is that we can’t. Not everyone has the gifts to be a spiritual leader. Not everyone has the gifts to be a professional musician. Not everyone has the gifts to work effectively with preschoolers.
It’s okay. But if we’ve grown up to believe that if we can see it, we can be it, the truth hurts. And yet it’s important for us to be in relationships in which someone will tell us the truth – lovingly.
If Dr. Sharon Fieldstone told me something I would believe it. It’s not that she always offers feel good advice. In fact, she never gives feel good advice because that’s not her job. It’s not her job to give advice at all. Instead she says things like:
“That must have been hard” (regarding a painful childhood experience)
“I understand why you’re angry” (regarding an event that would anger any normal human being)
She asks questions that help people sort out their truth. “Are you good at your job?” she inquires of Ted Lasso.
Church people notoriously avoid conflict – which is interesting if we consider Jesus’ story and his interactions with Pharisees and Roman leaders. He spoke the God’s truth to them – literally – and they didn’t like it.
And our congregations suffer because we conflate niceness and goodness. Jesus was good. He was not particularly nice. And when we speak the truth – even in love – many people in our congregations don’t like it. We are being too political.
Speaking the truth is essential for spiritual growth though.
When I hear that only 20% of the membership makes an annual pledge to support their church financially, there are difficult truths to say out loud about that.
When I hear leaders share in the parking lot what they were not willing to say around the meeting table, there are difficult truths to say out loud about that.
When I hear pastors bully their parishioners or parishioners bully their pastors, there are difficult truths to say out loud about that.
Thriving congregations and leaders speak the truth in love because it’s about what God wants and not what we want. It’s about spiritual maturity and authentic relationships. Susan Beaumont, who is leading the conference I’m attending this week, says that “leading with presence” means being “grounded in the true self, embracing a sense of wonder, and open to the leading of the Divine.“
Yes. You too can observe a master of helping people find their true self if you watch Season 2 of Ted Lasso. Or just watch how Jesus did it.
Image of the actor Sarah Niles who plays the role of Dr. Sharon Fieldstone exceedingly well in Ted Lasso. Source.
There are probably many people out there who believe I am headed for eternal damnation. But probably most people who know me don’t ponder this one way or another.
I have reached the point that it doesn’t matter to me what (most) people believe about my life – or afterlife. I’m grateful that God continues to reveal things to me that crack open what Jesus has taught us and every day’s a school day when it comes to what we can learn from the historians, prophets, and poets of the Bible. It doesn’t matter if you think my theology is mistaken or my politics are wrong or my lifestyle is a wasteland of caffeine and Apple TV. But if you love me and you “know” I’m going to hell, it hurts.
I think about LGBTQA+ Christians who live with this each day. There are people in their lives – some of whom are in their families of origin or even their chosen families – who believe they are condemned by God. I think of “agitators” who are trying to speak up and speak out about injustices in the world and they are written off as “faithless.” Certainly there are Republican Christians who can’t imagine how a person can be Christian and vote for Democrats. And there are Democratic Christians who can’t imagine how a person can be Christian and vote for Republicans. And there are the Christians who have mental check-lists about other people who call themselves believers, but they don’t follow the check list (so they are probably not really believers.)
Jesus said, “‘Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword.” (The Gospel of Matthew 10:34) Ouch.
There are some with whom we will never be at peace perhaps because they clearly judge us instead of love us for who we are and what God is leading us to be and do. (I can hear the retort now: “God is actually not the one leading you to be a _________ and do _________.)
My dad used to say, “Just love ’em.” Just love ’em when they get on your last nerve. Just love ’em when they ignore you. Just love ’em when they hurt you.
It’s really hard to do when they have condemned you and you happen to want them in your life anyway in hopes they will one day understand. And in the meantime, we pray for the capacity to love honestly and graciously even those who are certain we are spending eternity in fire.
The bottom line is that God is God and we are not.
Image of Mary fighting Satan from The Book of Hours creating in about 1240. (The British Library, London.)
Although we all need electricity, HVAC, and water, they aren’t fun expenses. The same goes for church properties. It’s more fun to know that our financial donations are going to building a hospital in Honduras or sending kids to camp rather than replacing the carpet in the church parlor or increasing the Pastor’s salary . . .
. . . unless we see all our donations as an investment in the future of God’s reign on earth.
At last week’s gathering to talk about Yancey Stricklers book This Could Be Our Future: A Manifesto for a More Generous World * someone said simply, “investment is a good word.” Yes. It’s a good word and it better expresses why we share our financial offerings with our congregations (and other non-profits.)
We are making an investment in people, in projects, in tools for ministry for the sake of making earth a little more like heaven to the glory of God.
PEOPLE – We want the best possible people on staff who will equip others to teach, lead, sing, visit, and make community happen. We want them to know we appreciate them, especially during a pandemic.
PROJECTS – We want to love God and our neighbors as ourselves by feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, serving the poor, sharing what Jesus said. We hope to love as lavishly as God loves us.
TOOLS – The only reason to have a church building is to use it as a tool for ministry and it needs to be safe, clean, and open. Better to keep our tools in good shape now rather than having to replace them later at a much higher cost.)
Likewise, our Presbytery (the mid-councils in my denomination) invest in congregations so that they can provide effective ministry. We grant funds for churches to buy freezers (so that their food pantry can provide meat and cheese.) We grant funds for churches to start after-school programs (so that neighborhood kids have a safe place to do their homework and play.) We grant funds for churches to upgrade their microphones, screens, and technological capacity (so that they can offer hybrid worship.) Important qualification: we only invest money in congregations who invest in their communities and beyond.
Investment is a good word. As the 2022 budgeting process begins in the coming weeks/months, how does your congregation hope to invest in the future?
That time a family member betrayed us. That time a business partner cheated us. That time a political leader made the decision to abandon a whole demographic of people. That time The Church disappointed us.
It’s easier when there’s been acknowledgment, confession, justice. Sometimes that’s not possible.
As I talk with people about the divide in our nation, we always seem to return to the notion of “getting over it.” I’ve noticed that the people who most easily want to move on are the ones who enjoy the most privilege. Why can’t Black and Brown people get over slavery? Why can’t women get over misogyny? Why can’t Native Americans get over losing their land?
It’s easier to think those things if our ancestors were never enslaved or subjected to certain laws because of the color of our skin. It’s easier if we’ve never been denied a job or been leered at by a colleague. It’s easier if we have inherited property.
How do we shift our mentality from “I deserve all thisand others don’t” to “I’m grateful for what I have and others deserve this too”? I don’t know but it divides us every day.
I continue to have hope that The Church can teach and model a different way to live our lives because of Jesus. And I hope I never get over that.
Nobody told me in seminary how much time would be spent recruiting, training, and supervising staff when I was a parish pastor.
Within Church World, there are certain administrators, musicians, worship and arts leaders, youth minister, and educators who are known to be Amazing. They are creative, efficient, positive, and fun to work with. And they are highly valued and rare.
So is it cool to poach a stellar youth minister from another congregation in town? Is it okay to check out the website of a partner church – known for great music – and contact their musician with an offer?
Things to consider:
Churches don’t own their staff members. Staff members can come and go as they wish, and who can blame them for leaving one position to accept another more lucrative, more interesting position?
All spiritual communities – especially those in the same denomination – are on the same team in terms of our mission and purpose – more or less. All (healthy) houses of worship exist to serve God, worship together, learn together, serve the neighborhood together. Our relationships with each other impact the effectiveness of our ministry and how we model to the world how believers treat each other. And so if I contact your church administrator and offer him a position in our “bigger and better” congregation, I am hurting our relationship. The least you could do is have a conversation with me about your interest in hiring someone on our staff.
Headhunters exist to find great employees and some large congregations indeed hire them to find The Right Pastor. God can work through headhunters.
But it’s different with most church staff members. Many are part-time. Many have relationships with a wide variety of church volunteers with whom they serve. If they are looking for new employment, there are Employment Opening sites. But when a Big Church Pastor lures the Small Church Pastor’s business manager who wasn’t looking to move, it feels icky. A little too 2 Samuel 12.
On the subject of poaching church members, we need to be happy when congregants can connect with God at a different church if they can’t connect in ours any longer. This is what we want, right? For people to be in a deeper relationship with God?
But if you lure members of other churches with unsolicited hospital visits and dropping off homemade bread at their door because you heard that they were not happy in their current church, you are a little devious.
This is all about healthy relationships. If we are in doubt about the right way to recruit staff members or welcome new members, it’s good to ask if anything we are doing might be damaging our relationship with our neighbors in faith. The hope is that we are all living in good faith.
There are so many of you who’ve expressed an interest in talking about This Could Be Our Future: A Manifesto for a More Generous World that I’m (foolishly) putting the links here online. I’ve lost all track of the people who want to participate as names have come to me from a variety of means. The first Zoom conversation will be:
I’ll share the second link for the Thursday, September 30 at the first gathering. Since this is just me doing this because I really like this book, we won’t have breakout groups. This won’t be an in-depth book discussion. It’s my hope that something will spark in your life that makes the world a better place.
Someone once said to me, “Slavery is complicated.” Actually there is nothing complicated about slavery. Many families in both the North and the South became wealthy because of unpaid labor in the first 100 years of this nation’s establishment and those unpaid laborers were enslaved because of their heritage and skin color.
Enslaved African-American were held against their will. They were not considered fully human. In fact they were considered only 3/5s of a person by the U.S. Government in 1787.
And if they escaped from their slaveholders to the “free North” they and those who assisted them could be arrested, according to the 1850 Fugitive Slave Act. (Nothing’s new under the sun.)
And most importantly, slaveholders were more interested in their own economic survival – and wealth -than the fact that they believed they could actually own other human beings who were created in God’s Image.
Slavery is not complicated.
Please feel free to challenge me on this. When the Bible speaks of slavery, it’s not what was happening with the Transatlantic Slave Trade.
But history is indeed complicated.
I don’t do weddings at former plantations. It’s like celebrating at a prison camp and even though it might be a pretty prison camp, it’s still the site of violence and darkness. And so I walked down the long, luscious driveway of a “farm” in Albemarle County, Virginia to officiate at the wedding of a special couple in my life, my heart sank. “This is a former plantation that held enslaved people,” I thought to myself. The wedding invitation called the venue a farm. The owners call it a farm.
I’ve been doing some research. The property includes slave graves haphazardly located around the property. And the owners also say that they’ve found a tunnel under the outbuildings which was used by The Underground Railroad. Those on this beautiful “farm” both enslaved human beings and helped enslaved human beings. Both things could be true. It also could be true that the owners didn’t actually find a tunnel but it makes it more palatable to tell people their home was part of The Underground Railroad. In my research about other UR locations in Virginia, their home is not mentioned.
My point is that learning our history- however difficult- is important. But let’s not stop there.
Responding to our history – whether it involves our own family tree or the property on which we live – shows that we want to repair the breach. It signifies that we recognize the humanity of those who were not considered fully human in the past. It means we are committed to seeing all people as God’s Children.
It was a beautiful wedding. We pray for a future that’s beautiful for all people.
Image of the Estouteville Farm in Albemarle County, Virginia.
A Church for Starving Artists 