A Church for Starving Artists

Finally, beloved,  whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8

I decided last week not to watch the Republican or the Democratic National Conventions and I plan to keep that commitment.  But hearing snippets of these events is unavoidable if you’re out in the world.  The snippets I’ve been hearing remind me that there are two ways to raise kids.

Yes, I’m being simplistic (there are more than two ways to raise kids) but stay with me here.

When FBC was about 8 years old, he and I were walking on a sidewalk behind another mom and her son – who also looked to be about 8 years old –  and we overheard this conversation:

Son:  Can boys have pierced ears?

Mom:  No, boys can’t have pierced ears.  That’s just for girls.

My own 8-year-old turned to me and mouthed “Michael Jordan” and I mouthed back, “I know.”  We got into our car and our conversation went like this:

FBC:  Why did that Mom lie to her son?

Me:  She didn’t want him to get his ears pierced, so she told him that boys can’t.

FBC:  But one day, he’s going to know that boys can pierce their ears and then he’ll know she lied to him.

Me:  You’re right.

I have a friend with young children who gets very nervous when I’m around her kids because they ask questions like “Can boys get their ears pierced?” and she is terrified that I will innocently blurt out “Yes” when she would probably say, “No.”  When I told her that my 7 year old nephew’s school was teaching the DARE program in the second grade, she was horrified that any second graders would have to hear about drugs.  The reality, though, was that there are kids in the second grade who have already been exposed to drugs in their families or neighborhoods and, at least in my opinion, it’s important to educate those kids that crystal meth and cocaine make people sick. It’s sad but it’s reality and talking about it in healthy ways makes a positive difference.  School might be the only place where some kids are told that drugs are bad.

And this brings me to politics.  As I unavoidably hear comments from politicians about everything from abortion to health care to unemployment, I long to have healthy conversations with people about what is real in our world versus what we wish reality looked like.

In my own little life as a pastor, I have witnessed multiples of these situations:

• Women making decisions about abortion based on difficult personal circumstances (rape, incest, potential health issues, threats from husband)
• Spouses having to make difficult end-of-life health decisions about their husbands and wives
• Women trying very hard not to get pregnant because of military service, troubled marriages, financial stresses
• Men sharing experiences of electroconvulsive therapy, “curative” ex-gay camps, and being shunned from their churches and families for being homosexual
• People addicted to alcohol, narcotics, food, sex, gambling, and porn – both recovering and not recovering
• Seriously mentally ill people with bipolar disorder, incapacitating depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, anorexia, bulimia, and post-traumatic stress disorder

Churches are not communities filled with shiny happy people with everything going for them.  Or at least real churches are not like that – if people are being honest.

All of those examples have political implications, at least as far as this election goes.  Maybe it would be nice to imagine that pregnancies only happen when life is manageable and that all husbands respect all wives and that most people die peacefully in their sleep or poor people are lazy or responsible people don’t lose everything in fires or storms.  But that would be a lie, and like the little boy whose mother wanted to protect him from something she didn’t want for him, it breeds distrust when we withhold reality.

And while Paul wrote that we peace comes when we think of honorable and pure things, Jesus touched bleeding women and epileptics.  I wish he’d said something about homosexuality, but he didn’t.  He did say an enormous amount about money and those sayings convict us all.   The point of Jesus’ being with us is that God Was With Us in the muck and mess of life and we are supposed to be with those who are poor and sick and alone.

And this is what we are supposed to teach our children:  that there are many choices in life and we want them to make the best choices.  They will be able to choose everything from whether or not to pierce their ears to whether to vote Republican or Democrat or not at all.  We can teach them by flinging open the doors of life and being beside them in that journey, talking about real life.  Or we can pretend that such things don’t happen  – at least to good people.

I’m not saying we need to share the dirtiest things of life with our youngest children.  But when they ask, we need to be ready to share the truth in a way they can understand, reminding them that all of us have a responsibility to love our neighbors as ourselves.  It’s the most pleasing, most commendable way to live, and I believe it brings peace.

Image source.

Diane Rehm

I worked as the fry girl at Wimpy’s for exactly one day a while back.  Hated it.

My current work involves helping people match their calling from God with their dream job.  I could be called a Predestination Matchmaker, although that doesn’t make any theological sense if you know anything about predestination or Presbyterian Polity.  Actually my current work involves giving permission, opening doors, closing doors, encouraging exceptions, pointing in the right direction, making connections, shifting perspectives.

I love my job.  I loved my previous job.  I loved the job before that.  All of them, more accurately have been callings.  Honestly, I am one of the most fortunate people around.

Most people in the world do not earn money doing their dream jobs. We all know people called to do one thing, but they are doing another:

• Actors ushering theatre-goers,
• Chaplains filing papers,
• Writers mixing espresso drinks,
• Artists answering phones.

I believe that God uses us to do ministry wherever we happen to earn our money.  This is not permission to get stuck or to prostitute ourselves or anything like that.  But consider inserting your life’s calling into whatever you are doing now.

Sometimes we are truly stuck.  One former parishioner sewed the clasps on bras in a factory for 30 years.  It was soul-sucking, but she found an outlet for her ministry in the church.

Sometimes there are overwhelming cosmic roadblocks.  I remember a friend telling me she had finally realized that God was calling her to teach ESL students and she was preparing for a dream job in that field when her husband became terminally ill.  She traded her dream for the relentless job of trying to keep him safe, at least for now.

I often think about other dream jobs.  What would I do if I could go back in time?  Some of my favorite job fantasies:

• Spiritual Anthropology Professor
• NPR Interviewer (a la Diane Rehm or – oh my gosh – Terry Gross)
• Travel Writer
• Teacher in Near East Archaeological Museum
• Screenwriter (there’s still time!)

What are your dream jobs?  It goes without saying that our dream jobs imply being successful in those fields.  Nobody dreams of being a mediocre brain surgeon or an out-of-shape professional soccer player.

Where would you like to fit if you could choose?  (And note:  we can’t choose.)

Had a Duh Moment this morning:

I always thought Beloit College came up with their annual Mindset List to entertain the older generations with “Time sure flies!” information:  “Kids today have never seen a ‘real’ airline ticket!”

But I realized this morning that this practice is not done for our entertainment; it’s  done for the Beloit faculty to remind them who their students are.  This year, they were reminded that:

• Incoming college freshmen have never used World Book encyclopedias,
• Incoming college freshmen have always seen women in the roles of Secretary of State and Shuttle pilots,
• Incoming college freshmen have saved their photos on digital yearbooks, smart phones, and Facebook pages.

So – thinking about church world –  is any of this reflected in the way we do worship?  And here’s a bigger question:

Is our worship gathering planned and executed for those who have always been there or for those who are not yet present?

Because – believe me – especially those from the college Class of 2016  who have never been church people will not connect to a spiritual community that reflects the mindset of the 20th Century, much less the 19th Century.

Most of our ministry is created and executed with a dusty mindset.  That’s okay if we want to minister only to those who are already with us – who tend to be older than 50.  “Inviting the young people” is a joke unless we are willing and ready to change our mindset.

It’s not about candles and screens either; it’s about serious cultural shifts.

• If we say we are friendly but clearly don’t want strangers among us, we deserve to close as a church.  (Examples of not wanting strangers: we only talk to our friends on Sunday mornings, we don’t even see the new person or we ignore them; we see guests under the age of 40 as fresh meat or “targets”)
• If we say we are “about mission” but have no relationships with the people outside our own doors who are broken, we deserve to close as a church.  (Examples:  Do we even know what breaks God’s heart in our neighborhood?  Are we aware of the issues the high school kids face in local schools?
• If we say Jesus is our Lord and Savior but we continue to live the way we lived 20 or 40 or 60 years ago, we deserve to close as a church.  (Examples:  How have we been resurrected in the past decade as individuals and a community?  How has our behavior changed?  Are we still as stubborn/mean/selfish as ever?)

We can be entertained by The Mindset List, or we can shift our own mindsets as an act of hospitality.  For that matter, we can be entertained by church, or we can shift our mindsets as an act of devotion to God.

Image source. Go Tarheels.

The whole Ayn Rand thing at best confuses me and at worst devastates me.My Dad used to say – referring to certain life choices – “Maybe it’s a good way to live but it’s a mighty poor way to die.”  He believed that poor life choices resulted in a straight shot to hell in the afterlife.  I’m more likely to believe that poor choices can make this life hellish.  The kingdom of heaven begins now and we are called to serve in such a way that God’s will is done now – on earth as it is in heaven.

So, when Christians express appreciation, if not devotion, to the teachings of Ayn Rand, it wrecks me a little bit.  I would rather people be indifferent to Jesus than espouse objectivism.

Ayn Rand:  “My philosophy, in essence, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life . . .” (from Atlas Shrugged)

Jesus: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.” “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (quoting Deuteronomy 6:4 and Leviticus 19:18)

17th Century Protestants: Q. 1. What is the chief end of humanity?
A. Humanity’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy God forever. (from The Westminster Shorter Catechism)

Greed is not good.  Living for myself is wrong.  Money is not the barometer of our virtue.  Following Jesus is the best way to live.  So there.  Call me a fool.

I like a good party.  But I won’t be watching the Republican Party’s Convention this week.  And I won’t be watching the Democratic Party’s Convention next week.  Just can’t do it.

I am embarrassed to watch people who self-identify as Christian – which means we are brothers and sisters of Christ together –  mocking people who disagree with them from the opposing side.  If we are supposed to love our enemies it seems logical that we are supposed to refrain from making fun of them too.

I don’t want to hear people explain Tropical Storm Isaac because of somebody’s sins.  I don’t like feeling cynical when both political parties make efforts to appear more diverse, female-friendly, tolerant, etc. when reality tells a different story.

I don’t want to watch deceptive, negative, mean-spirited, snarky advertisements that mock our democracy and our way of life as people who try to follow Jesus.

I don’t want to participate in the ugly truth that the most financially powerful people in this country get to control the election via Super PACs.  It might be legal but it’s not moral or just.  We are a better country than this.

The political parties have lost their way every time they would rather wake up to learn that their political rivals have screwed up than our nation has rallied.  This is sick.

Speaking of parties, seventeen people lost their lives in a most vile way in southern Afghanistan Monday because they were dancing and listening to music.  We live in a world in which the kingdom of heaven is hidden from too many.  I wish the political parties noted these horrors but chances are that nobody will mention this party when the politically powerful meet in Tampa and Charlotte.

It’s not good for my soul to watch the speeches, the videos, the media coverage.  It’s not good for the soul of our country when people base their politics on what’s good for them and their families first and foremost.  We are all blessed beyond the wildest dreams of most people in the world and even if money is tight and we fear losing our jobs, we are still called to serve the least of these.

So, I for one won’t be tweeting about Ann Romney’s or Cory Booker’s speeches.  Maybe they’ll be great speeches and I hope they are.  But I don’t think I can watch.

Becky Garrison’s 2010 book  –   Jesus Died for This? – asks the fundamental question as we try to be the church.  (Also, read the book. It is hilarious and insightful.)

Most of us spend our days doing chores, tasks, meetings, and conferences that – I think it’s safe to say – do not fill us with resurrection joy.  It’s tempting to say, “Really? Jesus died for this?” when I’ve spent the morning re-writing letters to the Board of Pensions because I forgot to use the word “currently” in the first version they received.  Or I’m breaking up a battle between elders whose fundamental differences with each other involve curtains in the fellowship hall.    Or I’m recruiting volunteers to do something they see no reason to do.

But today is the first anniversary of my ministry for the Presbytery of Chicago and I’m grateful and pleased to say that there have been many more Jesus-Died-for-This moments than not.  Really.  It’s quite wonderful.

May this also be true for your ministry wherever you are serving today, that there are more and more Jesus-Died-for-This moments in your life and work.

PS Jesus didn’t die for football or tschotskes.

Today is Ord Day in the PCUSA which means that many students and candidates for professional ministry in my denomination are being examined in one or more of the following required exams:

• Bible Content
• Biblical Exegesis
• Theological Compentence
• Worship & Sacraments
• Church Polity

Today is the first time all standard exams will be given online.  Very 21st Century of us.

Some believe the exams are nit-picky and discourage creativity.  They are right.  These exams are about specifics and basics.  Just as Picasso proved himself as a classical painter before introducing cubism, we want our future pastors to know the most basic foundations of the Bible, Reformed Theology and the Constitution of our denomination before creating new ways to serve, worship, and understand God. 

Having said this, I have a couple ideas for ordination questions that I’d love to see included in these Postmodern Ords.  Except for the Bible Content Exam, the questions tend to be essay questions, and in keeping with that . . .

Question 1:

A couple in your church has just lost their newborn after two days in the Intensive Care Nursery.  The child died an hour ago and you’ve been called to come be with the family.  During the visit, they ask you to baptize the baby.  What is you response based upon:

• Reformed Theology
• The Directory for Worship
• Biblical References
• Pastoral Considerations

Question 2:

A young woman has been worshipping with your community for several weeks and she wants to join the church officially.  However, she cannot say that Jesus Christ is her Lord and Savior.  She would like to believe that she lives a way of life that conveys that Jesus to be her Lord and Savior but – if she’s honest – she tells you that she’s unclear about the Trinity, she fails at following Jesus most of the time, and she doesn’t trust Jesus as much as she would like.  She is trying to be authentic in what she says she believes.  What is your response to her based upon:

• Reformed Theology
• The Form of Government
• Biblical References
• Pastoral Considerations

Question 3:

A ruling elder has broken her ordination vows.  She has spread gossip about the pastor and sabotaged the committee work surrounding church redevelopment.  What is your response as her pastor based upon:

• Reformed Theology
• The Form of Government
• The Directory for Worship
• The Rules of Discipline
• Biblical References
• Pastoral Concerns

These would be open book questions.  And they would look at church issues in a  wholistic and multi-layered way. 

What questions – or topics for questions – would you like to see asked in 21st Century Ords?

Image is Factory by Pablo Picasso.

Remember that scene in Philadelphia when the Denzel Washington character said to the Tom Hanks character, “Will you explain this to me like I’m a six-year-old, Mr. Wheeler, because I just don’t get it.”  ?

I need someone to teach me things like I’m six years old sometimes.  As the first anniversary of my current ministry rolls around, I realize how much I haven’t understood, known, or picked up on things over the course of 12 months.  I may not automatically intuit every sacred assumption, relationship triangle, or rivalry.  Please feel free to explain things to me like I’m six.

Excellent pastors are savvy when it comes to nuance.  At any age, in any season of professional ministry a nuance-savvy pastor is healthier than the clueless pastor.  Perhaps this is obvious or perhaps it’s not.

As some of the posts this week have been about relationships between former pastors and churches, let’s talk “nuance.”

The Clueless-ish Pastor

Former Parishioner:  Would you come back and baptize my baby next spring?

Former Pastor:  I can only baptize your baby if you ask the new pastor.

The Nuance-Savvy Pastor

Former Parishioner:  Would you come back and baptize my baby next spring?

Former Pastor:  No.  I really can’t.

Note the difference?  The Clueless-ish Pastor doesn’t realize it, perhaps, but he’s put the new pastor in a difficult situation.  If New Pastor says, “No” re: inviting Former Pastor back, NP is a jerk.  If New Pastor says, “Yes” it’s often because NP has no choice.

Our goal is to have healthy churches with healthy relationships, so that the way is cleared to Do Ministry.  The needs of the community are so great and we don’t have time to spend our days dealing with personnel drama and explaining things to the clueless by dancing around issues, afraid we will hurt someone’s feelings.  We need to be able to talk to each other plainly and authentically (like we are six years old) and realize that ministry is not about us.  It’s about expanding the reign of God here and now.

PS  Thank you J.

Image Source.

Todd Akin and I each have a Master of Divinity degree.  His is from Covenant Theological Seminary in St. Louis.  We both call ourselves Presbyterians but our denominations are different and we have different perspectives about the world.  He is a PCA Christian and I am a PCUSA Christian.

In light of the week’s political events, I’ve been thinking about a couple of influential books we all need to read or re-read:

Texts of Terror by Phyllis Trible reminds us of several Biblical stories we will never hear about in a Sunday sermon.  Remember the unnamed concubine who is given to a man by her father against her will, then gang-raped by a band of townsmen, and finally gets chopped into pieces by the husband who ships her body parts throughout Israel?  Most of us don’t like to think about the fact that such a thing could happen, especially in the Bible.

In Against Our Will  Susan Brownmiller,  reminds us that relationships between men and women changed forever, historically, when men realized they could rape women.

I feel for Todd Akin who seems to be from a church tradition that believes that ugly things don’t usually happen – especially for innocent people.  Someone taught him that a woman’s body has a natural deterrent to pregnancy if she is  raped.

Wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing?  But it’s not true.  Hundreds of women in Bosnia and the Democratic Republic of Congo can testify to this.

[Note: Mr. Akin’s denomination does not allow the ordination of women and in some PCA congregations, women are not allowed to teach boys over the age of 13.  The Church of the Redeemer in Manhattan, led by the great Tim Keller, is a PCA congregation uses this document about the role of women in leadership.  It says that women are called to do everything men can do except serve as elders and deacons.]

There are many good church people out there who are sequestered from the ugliness of this world.  Maybe we live in gated communities or maybe we just avoid things like poverty and mental illness and violence.  Many of us seek “success” so that we can separate ourselves from all that’s dirty and depressing. We don’t want to be reminded of ugliness.

But this is the antithesis of what Jesus did.  Jesus reached out to the dirty and depressing.  He subjected himself to ugliness up close and personal.

I think my brother in Christ, Todd Akin, would like to pretty-up life’s ugliness and I get that.  But there is more than one way to do this.  God can redeem even the experience of a rape victim and that is part of our calling – to help make this happen.  But we are missing the point when we try to pretty-up the horrors of life by blaming victims or expressing outlandish wishful thinking about ugly realities.

I would love the upcoming political election to include conversations about this, about world views rather than half-truths declared in ads funded by the most powerful.  What do you think’s going on in terms of spiritual reflection and the current nature of politics?

Image Source.

Yesterday’s blog post comments stirred some memories:

• The times one parishioner called me for Girl Talk on random nights past 11 pm.  When I suggested that I needed to get some sleep, she said, “But you’re my pastor.  You have to talk with me anytime I want to talk.”  Uh, no.  (If she had an emergency at 4 am, she could call me – because I was her pastor.  If she wanted to talk about the cute co-worker who hangs out at her desk – because she saw me as her friend – she’d need to wait until coffee hour next Sunday.
• The times people would say they’d like to meet for coffee next Friday, and when I’d say, “Friday is my day off” they’d say, “Great!  It’s my day off too, so we can meet at 10?”  Nope.  If it’s my day off, I don’t have church meetings, even for coffee.  (What’s painful is when a friend realizes that being with her/him is a ‘church meeting’ and not just a friendly date.)
• The times women, in particular, would share intimate details about their fertility cycles, hot flashes, sex problems, relationship woes, marriage crises, affairs, and various addiction disorders and assume that we were best friends.  I might disclose a much less intimate detail about my life like “I have a doctor’s appointment Tuesday” or “I’m going to the beach for vacation” or “I once dated a guy named Ricardo” and my friend didn’t notice that my details were not comparable to her details.

When I married my husband, after four years being The Single Pastor, one or two young women in the congregation were resentful that this guy had taken their best friend away.  I remember one woman saying, “We used to go out to lunch all the time before you got married and now you don’t have time for me.”  In truth, we had met for lunch once to discuss VBS curriculum.

Obviously I needed stronger boundaries. 

As the first woman pastor in my first and second calls, there were no models for clergywomen relationships with female parishioners.  For generations the male pastor had been a father figure or even somebody to crush on from the pews.  (another boundary problem)  But when they shared intimate things with me, I seemed to be The Holy Girlfriend who could hear about failed birth control and then pray about it over a cup of coffee. 

I honestly had good friends in the congregations I served.  But I never shared specifics about most things in my life, especially my marriage, my sex life, my personal health issues, my legal worries, or my financial situation – which are common topics with many parishioners.  I was occasionally told that I’m so easy to talk with “it’s like talking with a girlfriend.”  But I’m the girlfriend who is your spiritual leader, who will marry you and bury you, who will sit with you before the mastectomy and after the liver biopsy.  I’m the one who is trying to equip you to be a spiritual leader too. 

And we might be very close, but I can’t be your best friend.  It would be a boundary problem.

So, clergywomen friends:  share your experiences and how you’ve learned to keep good boundaries.  Have you found girlfriends in the parish?

And female parishioners: please share your friendship experiences with women pastors.  Have your female pastors been like platonic girlfriends?

The image is Two Women in Dublin.  See more here.