A Church for Starving Artists

A colleague recently described a church nearby as being “the most competent church I have ever served.”  I had never heard a church described like that before.

What he meant was that they get things done.  They are efficient while also being discerning.  They bend the rules when necessary.  They keep their eyes on the mission of the church and the mission is clear.

My only problem with considering the competency of a church is that it presumes that some churches are incompetent.  And while this might be true in some cases, most congregations I know suffer less from incompetency than anxiety.  They are stuck.  They only know what they know and what they know is not working anymore.  Their leaders need new skills and the energy to use those new skills.

I would like to be the kind of leader who invests in the most competent churches and pastors in our Presbytery.  The most competent are entrepreneurial.  They are missional.  They are willing to experiment and if the experiment fails, then at least they learned something. And then they try something else.

The most competent congregations will never ask for money to buy a new church sign.  They know that the kind of sign they need has nothing to do with neon lights.

The most competent congregations will never expect a quick fix.  They get that changing a culture is needed more than changing a light bulb (or a pastoral leader or an organist or an educator.)

The most competent congregations might be small or large, theologically liberal or theologically conservative, rich or poor.  When someone tells me that, “If only they took a stronger stand on guns” or “If only we had more money” I know that – most likely – they are missing the point of making disciples.

If you believe your own congregation is not so competent, what – in your culture – needs to change.  The question is not: why technical changes are needed.

Competent congregations make a lot of mistakes, but the difference is that they learn from them. That image above needs to read “Mistakes” in the plural.

Fuzzy is good for teddy bears.  Not so much for early morning teeth or pollen-laden throats.

Sometimes somebody else’s life looks smooth and silky when – up close – life is actually quite fuzzy:  fuzzy future, fuzzy relationships, fuzzy details.

I remember – as a child and especially as a Middle Schooler – looking at other people’s lives and wondering what they were like up close and in bright light, and I distinctly remember not wanting to trade my live with any of theirs.  I knew the fuzzy parts of my own life and I could live with them.

Most people’s lives are fuzzy.

The same is true for churches.  The church with great curb appeal and perfect-looking people are often the fuzziest – and I’m not just talking about their theology.  Life is fuzzy all-around and it’s okay.  The fuzziness makes life more interesting and more textured.  And it can be beautiful because God is in it.

Image of a lovely plant that’s clearly fuzzy up close.  Serra Retreat Center, Malibu.

I like adventure movies but not scary movies.  Being scared is part of life and I wonder what it says about someone’s spiritual life to be truly fearless.  Some of us might describe ourselves as being “fearless” but it’s not an all-encompassing fearlessness.

We might be unafraid to parachute out of a plane but it’s terrifying to think about living alone.

We might be fearless in the face of illness but the thought of losing a child paralyzes us.

Spiritual growth requires opening and walking through scary doors.  Sometimes we do it because we simply cannot stand being on the safe side any longer.  We cannot stay where we are and live a whole life.  We cannot avoid the door for a single moment more or our souls will die.  And so we open it.  And we walk through.  And we pray we will survive the terror:

• Like when you have to tell your family that you might be transgender.
• Like when you decide to go to seminary – even though you’ve been taught that women aren’t called into professional ministry.
• Like when you need to leave a relationship.
• Like when you need to leave a job.
• Like when you are in so much pain it’s time to find out what these headaches are all about.

We walk through the scary door.  If we are most fortunate, we have people who walk with us. It also helps to find safe people on the other side.

I believe God always provides safe people on the other side. It’s going to be okay. When you are ready, open the door and cross the threshold into the next room.

Image of a scary door along a pathway. Serra Center in Malibu where I’m learning things this week with Mid-Council colleagues.

The Rev. Jennifer “Helms” and Greg Jarrell are bridge builders in Charlotte, NC and they are changing the world for good in the name of Jesus.  They were recognized with an actual Bridge Builder Award last week at the Meck Min Breakfast.  Greg said – in his remarks – that what he does to change the world includes washing the dishes.

Sometimes Changing the World = Washing the Dishes

Aspirational Gen Z-ers, Visionary Millennials, Not-Yet-Cynical Gen X-ers, and 60s-loving Boomers all want to change the world.  Many of us see ourselves doing Big Selfless Acts or starting our own 501c3 Organizations or running for public office.  Yay us.

Servant leadership is the mark of a spiritually mature person.  And yet, sometimes what’s needed most is someone to do the dishes, someone to clean up after people who cannot clean up after themselves, someone to sit there and be present.  The basics.  Nothing flashy or Nobel-Prize worthy.

The mark of a good human has more to do with noticing that somebody needs a spoon for their soup than starting a new non-profit.  So, here is our Change The World Challenge this Week:

• Clear somebody else’s dirty dishes.
• Offer someone a tissue.
• Refill a stranger’s coffee.
• Loan your pen.
• Spot somebody $1 if they’re short.
• Share your umbrella.
• Tell someone they look amazing today (but not in a creepy way.)
• Listen to somebody’s story.

No need to report back.  Just do it.  Change the world this week.

Not sure if Palmolive Dish Soap is still used for manicures, but it definitely cleans dishes.

We White People are familiar, perhaps, with The Talk that parents of Black and Brown children have to keep their children safe in a culture of White Privilege and White Supremacy.  I also believe that it’s on us –  White parents –  to have a talk with our White children.  It needs to be a long, ongoing talk that starts when our children are tiny and keeps going well into their adulthood.

Here’s what we need to tell them:

1. You might think that Blackface is funny, but most of the world sees it as an insult that dates back to a time when White performers mocked Black people.
2. You might think that the Confederate flag is a symbol of Southern pride, but most of this world sees it as a sign of hate that was flown with renewed enthusiasm during both the Jim Crow era and the Civil Rights movement to intimidate People of Color. Also (and I write this as a Southerner whose Great Great Grandfather died at Antietam) secession from the United States was treason.  And it was a war to perpetuate the evil of human slavery.  Why would we want to fly a flag that represents treason and the most despicable sin in our nation’s history?
3. You might think it w makes us look tough to use the N-word, but most of the world knows that this is an ugly slur used to demean people.  People of color might use this word themselves, but that’s fodder for a different conversation.  White People – no.

Two of the incidents (linked above) occurred where I used to live in the leafy Chicago suburbs.  All of these incidents occurred over the past week.

White parents: this is on us.

In these days when many people feel empowered to say offensive words and act out offensive behaviors, we need to teach our children that this is not who we are – unless it is who we are and then I suggest we get some education.

If we are also  Christian White people, we have a special responsibility to teach our children that Jesus weeps when we mock, slander, and wound people.  No exceptions. This is not who God created us to be.

Teaching this to our children is Basic Parenting 101.  We can do better.

Image of Jennifer Harvey’s excellent book Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust America.  If, by some chance, you are White and you do not believe that America is racially unjust, I especially hope you will read this book with an open mind and talk about it with friends.

Okay – it’s a calling, not a “job.”  And maybe you are a talk show host or a travel writer or a the inventor of Sharpies and you believe that you have The Best Job.  Lots of us can have The Best.  All of us deserve to work in ways that bring joy and satisfaction and pay us a living wage.  It would also be great if each of us had jobs with health insurance.  (But that’s for another post on another day.)

Yesterday, May 1st was the first anniversary of my not-so-new calling in Charlotte, NC and it came on the heels of a shooting at the UNC Charlotte campus seven miles from my home.  Two students died.  Four additional students were shot and will recover – at least from their physical wounds.

This is what we prepare for as Mid-Council Leaders:  the sudden death of a pastor, the church fire, the hurricane, the shooting of innocent people.  We hope that those in the thick of the crisis will be the best version of themselves.  And that’s what I witnessed yesterday.

I know of no other work that offers the variety of professional ministry.  Within 24 hours I had the opportunity to

• Meet with a church leader over coffee to talk about the future of her small congregation,
• Share resources on trauma with our churches,
• Join up with a group of Presbyterians, United Methodists, Lutherans, Jews, and Muslims to stand with a college community in the face of deep grief.
• Pray with a college senior from China who slept through the shooting but wanted me to pray that his mother can leave China to attend his graduation.
• Was invited to hang out with the Hillel people to welcome Jewish students to pray.
• Talked with Muslim students about their fears and hopes as college students and specifically as brown college students who happen to be Muslim.
• Talk with a woman while picking up my BBQ take out about why the world is so crazy.  (I was wearing my collar so apparently I looked like someone who might have the answer.)

Why is the world so crazy?  The short answer is “sin.”  The longer answer has something to do with fear, greed, ignorance, and a host of other human failures.  But sometimes – even in the craziness – we get it right.

Thank you, church people who get it right.  Thank you, Muslim students who are brave in the face of daily bias and racism.  Thank you, Jewish neighbors who are having to make decisions about hiring armed guards to watch your synagogue doors and yet you remain kind and faithful.  Thank you church leaders who bravely consider Big Changes for the sake of the Gospel.

Thank you God for allowing me to live long enough to experience all this.

Image of me in my collar.  I only wear it for marches and vigils but I should wear it more often.  You would not believe who wants to talk when you’re wearing a collar.

Today marks the beginning of Mental Health Awareness Month. It’s also the day after yet another shooting –  this time where I live.  At this writing, two are dead and four are injured who were in class at the UNC Charlotte campus yesterday when someone started shooting.

Lord have mercy.  Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy.

I’m going to make a assumption here that you might not make, but it helps me make sense of such moments:  the shooter is a desperately sick human being.  Maybe the shooter is also racist/sexist/himself traumatized/uncontrollably angry.  But his brain is broken. He is mentally ill.

I will share that I, too, am mentally ill.  I deal with depression for which I take medication daily and I see a therapist almost every week.  My illness is not the same as that of a serial killer or a white nationalist or a person with any number of other brain disorders.  But the stigma of mental illness is a stigma for us all.  And it shouldn’t be.

I’ve had cancer and I’ve had depression, but there is no CaringBridge for mental health issues.  (And my cancer was so long ago that CaringBridge wasn’t a thing back then.)

I’m happy to wave at you if we run into each other at the counseling office because it means that both of us are taking care of ourselves.  Self care is self care whether we are getting a mammogram, a colonoscopy, a six-month dental cleaning, or a massage. Or talking with a counselor.

We have a lot of work to do out there in the world.  And we need to be in the best shape possible so that we can do what God’s calling us to do.

For more information about Mental Health Awareness, check this out.  And here in Charlotte, I recommend Presbyterian Psychological Services.

I attended a church meeting several months ago and was the youngest person there by many years.  (I’m 62 years old.)

One woman approached me as if I had run over her dog: “What are you doing about all the young people?  Where are they?”

Me (in my head): Trying to avoid being chastised?

She went on to tell me that her daughter was breaking her heart because she didn’t bring the twins to church. I suggested that she ask her daughter why she doesn’t go to church but I suspect I already know why.

It was vociferously reported at this meeting that people need to give more. Fingers might have been pointed at all the guilty slackers.

There were numerous open leadership positions and the chairperson begged folks to nominate themselves.  (Not one person did.)

It was announced that the coffers are low in terms of paying dues and when asked for suggestions for making up the deficit, the following suggestions were made:

• Bake Sale
• Car Wash
• Pancake Breakfast

The date could have been 1972 but it was 2019.

This group clearly needs to change their ways:  No more bake sales.  Get rid of committees that nobody wants to serve on.  Stop berating people.  Give up on perpetuating something nobody wants to/is able to do anymore.  Remember why we started this organization in the first place.

Changing our ways is an adaptive change.  Changing our shoes is a technical change.  And depending on technical changes to grow is killing us.

Shifting a culture – as I’ve written many times before – is not for the fainthearted.  It’s hard and messy and people will almost certainly feel angry and hurt that they are losing their institutional power.  But if we do not make adaptive changes – especially in terms of the way we’ve been The Church – our congregations and mid-council ministries will die.  Many are already dead but we haven’t accepted that fact.

It’s okay.  (Remember: Easter.)

In the meantime, if our congregations are brave and faithful, we will welcome the challenge of adaptive change.  (Many of your leaders have read this book, if you’re interested.)  Here are some questions to ask at the beginning of your next leaders’ meeting (adapted from the Heifetz book):

• What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned since we last met, in terms of our church/organization?
• What mistake did you make in the past week/month and what did you learn from it?
• What’s the most important thing you did yesterday and why was it so important? (This could have happened at church or at work or in your family.)
• What’s one thing you did (for the church) in the last month that was unnecessary/you need to stop doing?

At the end of the meeting, discuss whether or not sharing one of the questions above helped make it a better meeting.  How might it change how you move forward as leaders?

Changing shoes is easy.  (So is changing the chancel flower arrangements or changing to LED light bulbs in the church office or changing the color of the towels in the church kitchen.)  But not one of those changes will make any difference in terms of the health and competence of your church.

[And what’s really crazy is that – in some churches – changing the flowers, the light bulbs or the towels invokes a church-splitting fight.  And this is why that mother of  twins and so many other people will not cross the thresholds of our church buildings.]

Note:  there are people/other church leaders who will help you make adaptive shifts that could resurrect your congregation.  Please get in touch with us.

Is there a secret or not-so-secret ingredient you regularly add to bring a little something extra to your meal? Mine is slivered almonds – not to be confused with sliced almonds which are tasty but not as crunchy.

I add slivered almonds to almost everything.  Over the weekend I ordered the best kale salad of my life in Chapel Hill and – of course – there were slivered almonds in there.  And three kinds of raisins (their secret ingredient?) which made it especially tasty and I don’t even like raisins.

This is related to church, of course, because what isn’t?  Church World = Life with Humans who are trying to figure things out.*

There are exquisitely gifted church leaders who are imperfect humans and yet they get things done.  They face conflict in faith.  They keep going.  They laugh (ish) when ministry gets quirky.  They cry deeply when confronted with pain (and so they probably cry a lot.)  What’s their secret ingredient to masterful ministry?

What adds the crunch?  My answer to this question changes from time to time but today I believe the secret (or not-so-secret) ingredient is the lens through which we love people.  Do we love them because they love us?  Do we love them because we can get something from them?

I’m trying to love people through the lens of Jesus’ eyes.  My own eyes see bullies.  My own eyes see annoying people.  My own eyes see people I hope to avoid.  But when I try to see people through the eyes of Jesus, the bullies are revealed as deeply insecure people.  The annoying ones are revealed as people who are craving love.  The ones we hope to avoid become people I want to get to know.

Believe me, this adds crunch to my life.  To try to see people through the eyes of Christ adds something delicious and surprising.  Today, this is my secret ingredient for getting through this life.

Image of slivered almonds.  So healthy.

*Who are we?  Who is God?  What’s my purpose in life? What does this %^#@ mean? If you have already figured everything out, why are you part of a church?  If you haven’t figured everything out, why aren’t you?  (It’s a real question.  I’d honestly like to hear what you think/believe.)

Then there came to our place a large army, who killed many men, and took me, and brought me to the great sea, and sold me into the hands of the Christians, who bound me and sent me on board great ship and we sailed upon the great sea a month and a half, when we came to a place called Charleston in the Christian language.

From The Autobiography of Oman ibn Said (1831)

My favorite part of Rachel Held Evan’s Searching for Sunday is Chapter Ten: “What We Have Done.”

Christians, who had once been persecuted by the empire, became the empire, and those who had once denied the sword took up the sword against their neighbors.

And then she highlights some of the things done in the name of Jesus through the ages:

• The Siege of Jerusalem (1099)
• The Inquisition (12th – 14th Centuries)
• Martin Luther’s Anti-Semitic On Jews and Their Lies (1543) which was used to justify the Holocaust (1941-1945)
• European Christians slaughter native people in the New World (starting in the 15th Century)
• Puritans obliterate the Pequots (1636-1637)
• The Trail of Tears  (1838)
• Protestant Clergy defend slavery (pre-Civil War)
• Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King arrested in Birmingham for defending the treatment of Black workers (1963)
• Bob Jones University defends interracial dating ban (1982)
• Uganda passes law to sentence homosexuals to lifetime imprisonment “because we are a God-fearing nation.”) 2013

Jesus wept.  And not for joy.

I encourage you to read the diary of Mr. Omar ibn Said which is the only known diary of an enslaved person in the United States written in Arabic. (It’s a short read – only a few pages.)

His diary has been translated into English and it’s heartbreaking, yet hopeful.

Mr. Said was a prosperous and distinguished man who was kidnapped at the age of 37 from Africa, shipped to Charleston where he was sold to a cruel man. He escaped to Fayetteville, NC where he was arrested and later purchased by the Owens Family who were devout Presbyterian Christians.  He converted to Christianity and although he lauds his treatment by the Owens family, it seems that he died an enslaved man.  The Owens Family were members of First Presbyterian Church in Fayetteville, NC – a congregation in my denomination.

I wonder if Mr. Said converted out of faith or out of fear.  It’s been said – at least for leaders – that you can be feared or you can be loved but you cannot be both.  I disagree, at least when it comes to The Divine.  I love Jesus and believe that I am loved by Jesus, but I also fear what God could do to us because we deserve it.

This is what grace is all about, though.  The White Christian Empire has annihilated millions of people throughout the ages of God’s good creation in a way that should spark our deepest shame.  “It wasn’t us,” we say.  “We never killed a Jew or a Muslim, never enslaved a person, never took a native American’s property.”  But our people did and the resulting privilege we’ve enjoyed is evidence of our participation.

What a downer for Eastertide.  But actually, this is an Easter message. We have been granted such grace that we are moved to repair what is broken in this world in hopes of making it a little more like heaven around here.

We have a lot of work to do.  Let’s go.

Image of the extraordinary Oman ibn Said.   Here‘s the PBS piece on him.  Also, please keep praying for Rachel Held Evans who is hospitalized with complications from an infection.