A Church for Starving Artists

It’s a common issue – so common that few are disciplined or held accountable. But it damages congregations in the long term, even though intentions are good.

I’m talking about pastors who leave a church through retirement or resignation, and yet they don’t break pastoral ties with the church.

Believe me when I say that I understand. You marry young couples, baptize their children, sit with them in ERs, bury their loved ones. You sit through fertility tests, court procedures, unemployment, and graduations. They are your family.

But if we really love those people in our former church, we have to say “No.”

When your favorite parishioner whom you baptized as an adult finally finds a life partner and wants you to marry them? You say no.

When the older couple, who took you in and supported you as a young pastor, die together in a car accident and you are asked by their grown children to officiate at their funeral? You say no.

When the ladies of the church tell you that “nobody does Bible studies like you” and they want you to keep doing them in the local diner- because you’re still in town? You say no.

It’s not that you don’t love them. It’s not that you don’t care. It’s that you are no longer their pastor. And as long as you act like their pastor and do pastoral things, they will not move forward. They will not identify someone new as their pastoral leader.

It’s not about the new leader’s insecurity. It’s about yours. You don’t want to be forgotten. You don’t want to be replaced.

But you are no longer their pastor. It’s not up to the new pastor to say no for you.

If you love your former church, let someone else serve them. You left. That was a good thing.

And now God is doing something new.

Ever seen this?  A disgruntled parishioner wants to serve on the church’s Personnel Committee to have a voice about his/her dissatisfaction with the pastor.  “The pastor must go” because:

• She just had a baby and she spends too much time with that child.
• She just got married and isn’t available every night like she used to be.
• She’s a woman.
• He goes to all his daughter’s softball games.
• He didn’t want my wife on the Board of Deacons.
• He brings his dog to work.
• We pay him too much money.

I have literally heard all of these comments and my personal favorite – which was about me – was exclaimed by a man who had begged to be added to the Personnel Committee:  “It’s time for her to go. No discussion.  I move we fire her! All in favor?”

Whoa, cowboy. (A horrified Personnel Committee member reported this to me after the meeting.)

Consultant Susan Beaumont’s expertise is in large church ministry and yet there are helpful nuggets about evaluating all kinds of pastors here: Five Pitfalls to Avoid When Evaluating a Senior Pastor.

1. The governing board should evaluate the minister. Don’t ask for volunteers to serve on a Personnel Committee because you’ll get the lady who doesn’t like the pastor’s hair. Note: The governing board should also evaluate themselves for effectiveness.
2. Evaluate pastors on what their job descriptions say.  If  Pastor A is charged with doing all visits to home bound members, don’t judge Pastor B for not doing visits to home bound members. Note: Susan Beaumont says that no human can do more than 12 essential functions in a job.  If you’ve chosen 50 essential functions for your pastor, somebody will be frustrated.
3. Stop with the “Some People are Saying . . . “ – Who are these people and are their concerns random? Read what Susan says about this for mature responses.
4. Forget Congregational Surveys. Most parishioners have only a cursory idea what the pastor does.  Sometimes we don’t believe that pastors are working unless we see them in the pulpit, in the hospital, in the meeting, in the community activity.
5. Nobody needs to hear every last comment.  Some feedback is random:  It’s distracting when she doesn’t wear black shoes.  Some rock star pastors wear navy blue.  Or pink.  Some feedback is just hurtful: That was the worst Christmas Eve sermon I’ve ever heard. The point of evaluations is to increase success and effectiveness.

Congregations regularly ask for help when evaluating their pastor.  What tools have you and/or your congregation found helpful?  Here are my two favorite pro tips:

1. Read Jill Hudson’s When Better Isn’t Enough: Evaluation Tools for the 21st Century Church.
2. Professional human resources professionals are not necessarily the best people to evaluate pastoral leaders.  HR folks might be great at what they do.  They might even be Church People.  But they usually don’t know church culture and the spiritual nuances of Reign of God Work.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard an HR person evaluate a pastor by saying something like, “That’s not how it’s done at Bank of America.”  (Do we want to run a church like Bank of America?)

Mostly, be transparent, fair and kind. Many of us don’t get paid enough to have dozens/hundreds of people judge not only our work, but also our children, our wardrobe, our hair, our homes, our cars, our calendars, our vacations, etc.  Praying for pastors is always a good idea, and while you’re at it, also be generous to your church’s educators, musicians, support staff, and maintenance people.

This post is based on a conversation with one of my genius colleagues JC (not to be confused with Jesus Christ.)  It speaks to me deeply as I work with church leaders in the thick of making Big Decisions.

As Church People wrestle with everything from “Who is God calling to be our next Pastor?” to “What is God calling us to do for our community?” I often hear:

Are we ready for this?

• Are we ready to call a female pastor?
• Are we (English speakers) ready to call a Spanish-speaking pastor?
• Are we (White People) ready to call a Person of Color?
• Are we ready to call a Head of Staff under age 35?
• Are we ready to open a homeless shelter?
• Are we ready to start a prison ministry?
• Are we ready to share our church property with a refugee family?

Note that Jesus never said:

• Are we ready to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us?
• Are we ready to love our neighbors as ourselves?
• Are we ready to repent for the kingdom of God is at hand?
• Are we ready to stop judging people?

Nope.  Jesus just told us to do it.  Ready or not.  The Spirit will tell us what to do and help us do it.  We simply need to pay attention and trust the One who calls us.

Sometimes things are going along swimmingly with no crashing waves. And then a wave comes out of nowhere and knocks you breathless.  One of my cousins – the second youngest one – died suddenly last week leaving two young children and it was like RHE and my mother died again.

But of course there are always streams of light to help us regain our bearings.  My beautiful Aunt VHE turned 90 with grace and aplomb, and she makes the world feel safe and whole.  My beautiful friend WM and I caught a little time alone to catch up and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for life.

All of us with busy work lives know that – when we’re away whether it’s for vacation or a work trip – it’s hard to leave regular work behind because it will be piled up to the sky when we return.  So that’s what I walk into today, and with new people to pray for and thank God for.

Happy Tuesday everyone.

A colleague recently described a church nearby as being “the most competent church I have ever served.”  I had never heard a church described like that before.

What he meant was that they get things done.  They are efficient while also being discerning.  They bend the rules when necessary.  They keep their eyes on the mission of the church and the mission is clear.

My only problem with considering the competency of a church is that it presumes that some churches are incompetent.  And while this might be true in some cases, most congregations I know suffer less from incompetency than anxiety.  They are stuck.  They only know what they know and what they know is not working anymore.  Their leaders need new skills and the energy to use those new skills.

I would like to be the kind of leader who invests in the most competent churches and pastors in our Presbytery.  The most competent are entrepreneurial.  They are missional.  They are willing to experiment and if the experiment fails, then at least they learned something. And then they try something else.

The most competent congregations will never ask for money to buy a new church sign.  They know that the kind of sign they need has nothing to do with neon lights.

The most competent congregations will never expect a quick fix.  They get that changing a culture is needed more than changing a light bulb (or a pastoral leader or an organist or an educator.)

The most competent congregations might be small or large, theologically liberal or theologically conservative, rich or poor.  When someone tells me that, “If only they took a stronger stand on guns” or “If only we had more money” I know that – most likely – they are missing the point of making disciples.

If you believe your own congregation is not so competent, what – in your culture – needs to change.  The question is not: why technical changes are needed.

Competent congregations make a lot of mistakes, but the difference is that they learn from them. That image above needs to read “Mistakes” in the plural.

Fuzzy is good for teddy bears.  Not so much for early morning teeth or pollen-laden throats.

Sometimes somebody else’s life looks smooth and silky when – up close – life is actually quite fuzzy:  fuzzy future, fuzzy relationships, fuzzy details.

I remember – as a child and especially as a Middle Schooler – looking at other people’s lives and wondering what they were like up close and in bright light, and I distinctly remember not wanting to trade my live with any of theirs.  I knew the fuzzy parts of my own life and I could live with them.

Most people’s lives are fuzzy.

The same is true for churches.  The church with great curb appeal and perfect-looking people are often the fuzziest – and I’m not just talking about their theology.  Life is fuzzy all-around and it’s okay.  The fuzziness makes life more interesting and more textured.  And it can be beautiful because God is in it.

Image of a lovely plant that’s clearly fuzzy up close.  Serra Retreat Center, Malibu.

I like adventure movies but not scary movies.  Being scared is part of life and I wonder what it says about someone’s spiritual life to be truly fearless.  Some of us might describe ourselves as being “fearless” but it’s not an all-encompassing fearlessness.

We might be unafraid to parachute out of a plane but it’s terrifying to think about living alone.

We might be fearless in the face of illness but the thought of losing a child paralyzes us.

Spiritual growth requires opening and walking through scary doors.  Sometimes we do it because we simply cannot stand being on the safe side any longer.  We cannot stay where we are and live a whole life.  We cannot avoid the door for a single moment more or our souls will die.  And so we open it.  And we walk through.  And we pray we will survive the terror:

• Like when you have to tell your family that you might be transgender.
• Like when you decide to go to seminary – even though you’ve been taught that women aren’t called into professional ministry.
• Like when you need to leave a relationship.
• Like when you need to leave a job.
• Like when you are in so much pain it’s time to find out what these headaches are all about.

We walk through the scary door.  If we are most fortunate, we have people who walk with us. It also helps to find safe people on the other side.

I believe God always provides safe people on the other side. It’s going to be okay. When you are ready, open the door and cross the threshold into the next room.

Image of a scary door along a pathway. Serra Center in Malibu where I’m learning things this week with Mid-Council colleagues.

The Rev. Jennifer “Helms” and Greg Jarrell are bridge builders in Charlotte, NC and they are changing the world for good in the name of Jesus.  They were recognized with an actual Bridge Builder Award last week at the Meck Min Breakfast.  Greg said – in his remarks – that what he does to change the world includes washing the dishes.

Sometimes Changing the World = Washing the Dishes

Aspirational Gen Z-ers, Visionary Millennials, Not-Yet-Cynical Gen X-ers, and 60s-loving Boomers all want to change the world.  Many of us see ourselves doing Big Selfless Acts or starting our own 501c3 Organizations or running for public office.  Yay us.

Servant leadership is the mark of a spiritually mature person.  And yet, sometimes what’s needed most is someone to do the dishes, someone to clean up after people who cannot clean up after themselves, someone to sit there and be present.  The basics.  Nothing flashy or Nobel-Prize worthy.

The mark of a good human has more to do with noticing that somebody needs a spoon for their soup than starting a new non-profit.  So, here is our Change The World Challenge this Week:

• Clear somebody else’s dirty dishes.
• Offer someone a tissue.
• Refill a stranger’s coffee.
• Loan your pen.
• Spot somebody $1 if they’re short.
• Share your umbrella.
• Tell someone they look amazing today (but not in a creepy way.)
• Listen to somebody’s story.

No need to report back.  Just do it.  Change the world this week.

Not sure if Palmolive Dish Soap is still used for manicures, but it definitely cleans dishes.

We White People are familiar, perhaps, with The Talk that parents of Black and Brown children have to keep their children safe in a culture of White Privilege and White Supremacy.  I also believe that it’s on us –  White parents –  to have a talk with our White children.  It needs to be a long, ongoing talk that starts when our children are tiny and keeps going well into their adulthood.

Here’s what we need to tell them:

1. You might think that Blackface is funny, but most of the world sees it as an insult that dates back to a time when White performers mocked Black people.
2. You might think that the Confederate flag is a symbol of Southern pride, but most of this world sees it as a sign of hate that was flown with renewed enthusiasm during both the Jim Crow era and the Civil Rights movement to intimidate People of Color. Also (and I write this as a Southerner whose Great Great Grandfather died at Antietam) secession from the United States was treason.  And it was a war to perpetuate the evil of human slavery.  Why would we want to fly a flag that represents treason and the most despicable sin in our nation’s history?
3. You might think it w makes us look tough to use the N-word, but most of the world knows that this is an ugly slur used to demean people.  People of color might use this word themselves, but that’s fodder for a different conversation.  White People – no.

Two of the incidents (linked above) occurred where I used to live in the leafy Chicago suburbs.  All of these incidents occurred over the past week.

White parents: this is on us.

In these days when many people feel empowered to say offensive words and act out offensive behaviors, we need to teach our children that this is not who we are – unless it is who we are and then I suggest we get some education.

If we are also  Christian White people, we have a special responsibility to teach our children that Jesus weeps when we mock, slander, and wound people.  No exceptions. This is not who God created us to be.

Teaching this to our children is Basic Parenting 101.  We can do better.

Image of Jennifer Harvey’s excellent book Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust America.  If, by some chance, you are White and you do not believe that America is racially unjust, I especially hope you will read this book with an open mind and talk about it with friends.

Okay – it’s a calling, not a “job.”  And maybe you are a talk show host or a travel writer or a the inventor of Sharpies and you believe that you have The Best Job.  Lots of us can have The Best.  All of us deserve to work in ways that bring joy and satisfaction and pay us a living wage.  It would also be great if each of us had jobs with health insurance.  (But that’s for another post on another day.)

Yesterday, May 1st was the first anniversary of my not-so-new calling in Charlotte, NC and it came on the heels of a shooting at the UNC Charlotte campus seven miles from my home.  Two students died.  Four additional students were shot and will recover – at least from their physical wounds.

This is what we prepare for as Mid-Council Leaders:  the sudden death of a pastor, the church fire, the hurricane, the shooting of innocent people.  We hope that those in the thick of the crisis will be the best version of themselves.  And that’s what I witnessed yesterday.

I know of no other work that offers the variety of professional ministry.  Within 24 hours I had the opportunity to

• Meet with a church leader over coffee to talk about the future of her small congregation,
• Share resources on trauma with our churches,
• Join up with a group of Presbyterians, United Methodists, Lutherans, Jews, and Muslims to stand with a college community in the face of deep grief.
• Pray with a college senior from China who slept through the shooting but wanted me to pray that his mother can leave China to attend his graduation.
• Was invited to hang out with the Hillel people to welcome Jewish students to pray.
• Talked with Muslim students about their fears and hopes as college students and specifically as brown college students who happen to be Muslim.
• Talk with a woman while picking up my BBQ take out about why the world is so crazy.  (I was wearing my collar so apparently I looked like someone who might have the answer.)

Why is the world so crazy?  The short answer is “sin.”  The longer answer has something to do with fear, greed, ignorance, and a host of other human failures.  But sometimes – even in the craziness – we get it right.

Thank you, church people who get it right.  Thank you, Muslim students who are brave in the face of daily bias and racism.  Thank you, Jewish neighbors who are having to make decisions about hiring armed guards to watch your synagogue doors and yet you remain kind and faithful.  Thank you church leaders who bravely consider Big Changes for the sake of the Gospel.

Thank you God for allowing me to live long enough to experience all this.

Image of me in my collar.  I only wear it for marches and vigils but I should wear it more often.  You would not believe who wants to talk when you’re wearing a collar.